61 Frames Per Second by John Constantine Today in Hooksexup's videogame blog: Soul Calibur sells out, The City of Metronome disappears, and we ask Japan for a small favor.
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
I hope you watched My Name Is Earl last week, because you too will need to make amends for recent trespasses. The good news is that, as in the show, good stuff will happen to you the second you start making your apologies. And while that's not exactly fair, just keep in mind life's not fair and be grateful it's working in your favor for once. Celebrate your fortune on Friday with the friends you're most impressed with at the moment. They'll both inspire you to stay on the path of goodness and inspire some highly satisfying sexual fantasies besides!
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Woe unto those trying to keep up with you this week! Early in the week, you'll convince your friends to take trips with you, but when they show up on your doorstep with tents and fishing poles, they'll find you flipping through old yearbooks and babbling about infinity. If this doesn't have them blowing you off and going on their own trip, they'll find you in another altogether different mood every subsequent day! Only Saturday does your flip-flopping come to an end with a surprisingly focussed sexual encounter.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
The stars like to press one-dollar bills into friends' hands with the words "Don't tell nobody where you got this!" You'll be prone to similar faux-generosity this week. So pretend to be a high roller at a cheap restaurant or act out any prostitution fantasies you or your date may have. You may run up against someone who at first game but suddenly becomes contrary. You don't have time for such shenanigans, especially on Thursday, when you'll be exceedingly impatient, so wave them away and get out your wad of singles for more good times.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
It sure would be sad if the introverted kid in the coming-of-age movie never ultimately got asked to the prom by the cute kid. You need to keep that in mind when someone asks about your proverbial bug collection this week. Likely this suitor hasn't developed an interest in entomology, but rather in your britches. This relationship should really take off on Wednesday if you're smart enough to pay attention to the creature with the larger thorax.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Must come quickly! Many more orgasms waiting in line behind this one! Must not waste a moment! You're quicker than normal this week, but only in service of More with a capital “M”. Too much won't be enough for you this week. Just try to pace yourself a little as the week wears on, lest by Friday you fall into a deep slumber. It's not hibernation season for your libido quite yet.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
You're going to be less Black Dice and more Europe's "The Final Countdown" this week. Complicated and smart as Black Dice music may be, and as much as that's been your thing of late, this week will find you frustrated with abrasive noise patterns. You're going to want nothing more than to pump your fist and pretend to play the keyboard, regardless of whether the song is dumb or not. Don't be afraid to proclaim your feelings for melodic music or that special someone, especially this weekend.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
On soap operas, it's often difficult for the characters to know who's the bad guy. The real bad guys go to elaborate lengths to seem like the good guy, and often fool everyone except one person who just knows deep down that the seemingly nice doctor is brainwashing his patients. You'll feel similar doubts about a smiling and generous person in your life this week. The lesson of soaps is to go with your gut. Friday you may get distracted by a hot subplot, but keep your eyes on the task at hand.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
You're not going to be like those singers who think the occasional languid turn is all the stage movement that's needed. No sir! This week you'll want to exhaust yourself in the very first verse, jumping and kicking like Iggy Pop and Freddie Mercury doing it with each other. This will make for a week of thrilling exuberance and some particularly tangly yet spirited sex. Just watch for Thursday, when a bout of Mazzy Star-ish stillness may throw you off course. Climb a stepstool and leap into bed with a wild scream and fend off any shoe-gazing!
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
Garishly colored smiling cardboard effigies, extolling people to “get well” or “have a blessed day” will be your thing this week. Multiple exclamation points will follow the confession of your date's flagging sex life. Luckily for them, you'll be there on Friday with things both inflated and fuzzy to cheer them up. The fuzzy things may be your pubes, but they will cheer up your patient as much as any raised-letter Hallmark card ever could.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
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You are both imaginative and wild this week, which means you should read some William Blake! Well, you don't have to read him exactly, but try to keep his aesthetic in mind. Wild visions like those in his Marriage of Heaven and Hell will visit you, especially on Thursday, only instead of prophets you'll be encircled by porn stars. Just take time to write it all down and draw accompanying illustrations, as your discoveries may be of importance to future generations!
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
You won't need date-a-minute variety in your life this week, as you'll be infinitely entertained by your regular crowd. Far from glancing over shoulders for something better to come along, you'll be enraptured by people you've known for years. Just avoid a sexual entanglement with any of them, especially when they start flinging themselves as you this weekend. The thrill will wear off in another week or so and you'll want go to back to chasing strangers.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
No longer satisfied that the key to weight loss is ever more cigarettes, your thoughts will turn to health this week, especially around Wednesday. The stars just had a temp job washing towels at a gym, however, so the stars suggest you do your excessive sweating at home. Not only will you save someone from cleaning your sweat out of fabric, but the equipment at home (i.e., The Sexmaster 4000) is way more fun.
