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here's a lot of grossness littered about my fantasy life, and I'm always the one cleaning up. You know those dirty movie booths where men put tokens in the machine and jerk off to pornos? Well, my latest dream is to be the one who mops those places. I know I'm not the only one. Because, I mean, who's doing the cleaning? Someone must be, because there's not a foot-high wall of dried come beneath every screen. And with less than five percent unemployment in most parts of America, no one is taking a squeegee to nudie booths in order to feed their kids.
No, they must want it — the bleach, the rag, the knee pads, the ghosts of ten thousand masturbating men. I'm not the only dreamer.
It was with great joy that I used my occupation as journalist as a cover to approach John, booth-swabber and manager at the most scandalous dirty movie spot in New Hampshire — the owner would like to keep it unnamed — to get the lowdown on splooge-wiping. Our interview was repeatedly interrupted by customers coming and going — they'd silently hand John three dollars, avoiding eye contact, and he'd give them tokens while I waited. I think the fact that it was Valentine's Day and that I was obviously pregnant made the masturbators shy. Then the unbelievable happened — my father's roommate approached the counter, boxed vibrator in hand! |
What do you tend to find in those booths?
just threw napkins and things everywhere.
another store; we found all kinds of crazy stuff there. Found a banana with a condom on it one time. Various rubber appendages.
behind.
lingerie behind too. You don't know . . . a guy can come in wearing a business suit, and underneath he has a garter and stockings on. What can you do — to each his own.
comes in here?
blessed event, they feel bad. They don't want to take the evidence with them. What's the demeanor of people when they come here?
catches them by surprise — all the rubber dicks and whatever on the walls. I don't know what they were expecting to find here!
looks like you could kill somebody?
'em. I try to keep a certain amount of separation. One of the guys, they said there's karaoke at the gay bar down the street, let's go. I sing in a band, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to show them I do something other than sell porno — I'll sing some tunes. So we went down there one night, and I brought the other kid I worked with. To make a long story short, that kid ended up closing down the store early the next night, entering the Wet Jock contest, moving in with some dude and we never saw him again! After that, I said, "Well, if that's what they want, I think I'll keep a certain amount of separation!"
booths when it's slow?
that, I'd rather do it at home, you know?
even think about eating the doughnuts.
there." So I went back there, I didn't know who it was, but I said, "Listen, whoever did that, you gotta get out of here right now." One guy comes out with his head down.
The other place I used to work at, they said just mop at the end of the night. We mop about ten times a day here. You don't want to leave that stuff hanging around. We use disinfectant, stuff that kills HIV and staph infections, things like that. Spray it all down and let it sit for a while, then wipe it all up.
guy we used to call the Baby Oil Bandit. He'd get completely naked and cover his body with baby oil and stick like toilet paper and stuff all over him. We didn't know who it was at first, 'cause he'd come out with all his clothes back on like everybody else. But then we'd go in there and there'd be the empty baby-oil bottle and napkins stuck to the wall. When we found out who it was, we said, "Listen man, we don't care what you do, but just don't make a mess, 'cause we don't want to clean that up!"
the shape of a toilet seat you can put down before you sit? Ever thought of having something like that here for the benches?
Well, probably only girls would care about that, and you probably don't get many girls.
to do what he has to do and get out of there.
anything? The Fifth Wheel does that.
and they'd get twenty percent off.
forty cents.
get about one minute per token.
card] You want batteries for that? Make sure it works?
are you doing here?" And the other one says, "Well what are you doing here?"
spent on the booths?
screen with their business or . . . has anyone ever hit the ceiling?
all spill out into the aisle, naked?
come?
of some sort.
unprivate it is, and then there's people who want people to see it. They used to have doors, but when this place opened, it caused a stink.
It was front page news!
distance of each other in such a conservative part of the country.
their inspection, and you never know when that'll be.
"Hey, if the moans of ecstasy are reaching my ears, it's much too loud."
religious — born-again Christian. But she likes it now. She can come in and say, "Oh, I want one of that!" She gets hundred-dollar vibrators for free.
after a hard day here?
only fair.
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Commentarium (16 Comments)
Hilarious!
Lisa --
I worked for two years in what many might say is the best porn shop in at least the Seattle area. I was the 'night manager', my shift beginning late evening and ending at three. The cleaning of our booths, with the exception of picking up debris and emptying the cans--one per booth, was done by the 'morning guy', also the Manager. He had it arranged to get 'extra' money for the 'hardship duty'. The cans were often pissed into. Shoes had to be left at the door of home as they were always sticky with cum by the end of the night. The biggest problem for us, though, was guys squatting down to show their 'equipment' to passersby and to the guys across the walkway between the two banks of booths. Also, Washington state law forbids double occupancy of any booth, yet guys, especially, often endeavoured to thwart the regulation by having one guy stand on the available chair, while the other sucked him off. We had to interrupt these activities before the police happened by to discover them. When a woman and a man, or two women, found their ways into a single booth, there was generally no effort made to disguise their intent. To my dismay, I had to discontinue these liaisons as well.
I loved that job. The pay was good, comparatively; the work forever interesting. The special areas of responsibility were lubricants, 'sexual enhancers', penis pumps, high-end vaginal and anal toys, and periodicals. I quit so that I could care for my six-month old daughter, while my wife worked a much higher paying job.
Another point of interest to you might be that I have a DLitt--a Doctorate in Letters, and 30 years' incongruous work experience abroad, mostly in the Far East and Africa. I had always wanted to work in the porn industry; so I did. Unfortunately, that line of employment is not appreciated by the main stream; i.e., I can't put it on a resume very easily. One day, I hope to write about it, and the other unconventional jobs I've had along the way.
I'd be pleased to chat with you more about this if you'd like.
Cheers!
What a great article Lisa! (Assuming you read these)
Having gone to one or two of these places in the States during my time, you can imagine when a business trip took me to Tokyo. The Japanese fetish for all things clean -- well in most things -- was alive and well in jerk off booths.
One of the down side of the adult arcade is that all of the video tapes have pussies and cocks blurred out everywhere in Japan, though you can see people shitting and pissing in one another's mouth. Weird, huh?
But what luxury!
You pay your $20 (minimum of 1 hour -- I guess Japanese don't like to rush) and you go to the designated booth. When you take your tape(s) with you they give you a warm, plastic wrapped cloth to well, you know!
The one I was in was considerately decorated in glow in the dark stickers and had a beautiful mural on the wall. The TV is huge -- 36 inches I would guess. The chair an imaculately clean leather sofa -- that reclines. After finishing you use your cloth or one of two boxes of Kleenex artfully displayed in the room and leave.
As you leave, there is a cleaner with a spray bottle (in case any got on the tv?) and a mop but the work would be much easier than here as the booths were truly a place to unwind!
Quite a difference from here I'd say.
Clean then dirty, dirty then clean - over and over ad infinitum; the gleeful myth of Sisyphus, but would two new LCC columns in one week send him and that rock right over the edge of the mountain?
I ALWAYS WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANY SATISFACTION IN THAT JOB. NOW I KNOW. THANKS FOR EDUCATING ME. VERY INTERESTING. THERES JUST SOMETHING WONDERFUL ABOUT BEING ABLE TO HAVE THAT GREAT FEELING AND LET IT FLY AS YOU LOOK AT WHAT YOU COULD ONLY EVER DREAM OF DOING TO YOUR GIRL. IT SOO DEGRADJ G YOU KNOW AND SO GOOD. RIGHT ON SINCERLY J OFF.
auuughhh!
are there really people out there that are not grossed out at the thought of having their shoes & god know's what else encrusted with the jizz of a thousand losers?!?!
let alone cleaning it 10 xs a day.
which reminds me that we don't pay our military nearly enough in gratitude as well as money.
i say this because recent reports coming out of camp x-ray in guantanamo bay have reported that some of the detainees, while looking into the eyes of their captors, have been jerking off in their dog cages, presumedly as a form of protest, although there's plenty of documentation tp attest to the fact that these guys are real freaky.
Doesn't Lisa always come up with the most interesting things? I just wonder if she's staying up all night thinking this stuff up or if she's walking down the street and if just hits her, "hhhmmmm, I wonder who cleans the jack off booths?" Brilliant.
I repair the computer at our local xxx rated "booth" store and we have a guy here who cleans up the place. We nicknamed him MopandBlow! He mops the booths as well as "polishes knobs"...lol
Dan in Connecticut
The idea for this article was shamelessly ripped off from PopSmear magazine. That now defuct magazine ran an identically themed story about two or three years ago called something like "The Worst Job in the World" about the guys who, you guessed it, cleaned the booths at peep shows in Time Square. I'm quite certain that Lisa Carver read PopSmear, as it was very well-known within the hipster 'zine orbit of the day. I guess plagerism is really all the rage these days!
The POPSmear article on peep show cleaners is still online! Read the original at
https://www.popsmear.com/popculture/features/19/pornbooths.html
I know you can't copyright a topic, but still the originality credit should go to the POPSmear writer, whose piece is really excellent. POPSmear was itself a great magazine, check out the other pieces too.
I did not read the PopSmear article, so quit being so certain! I wrote in my zine Rollerderby about not liking zines and never reading them, which you would know if you read every word of every zine as you seem to feel I must have. But I will go read PopSmear now -- with joy. Thanks for the link. I feel there could never be enough articles about the semeny underside, and if anyone else wants to "plagiarize" my "plagiarized" article, I hope they do!
I'll take your word that you didn't read the article, but have you really not even heard of POPSmear? They weren't exactly a 'zine. They printed in glossy and sold on newstands, and were at the time quite well known in the Manhattan magazine world.
get a life JBK - pop smear was then, lisa carver is now. and it's a totally different freakin' article! what's your problem?
Lisa, I read your interview with a jizz mopper...I loved it, but I'm still not satisfied...how much does an average jizz mopper make? why didn't you ask the question? *lol* If you know, let me know. Thanks again!
Dale
i know exactly what you mean.i worked at a shop right off of interstate 70 and it was always packed.i had the "pleasurable" experience of being the janitor there and it was a freaky experience.i live in pennsylvania and here we have the no door policies too.they use the twin 90 degree angles on all their booths so you have some privacy.it opened my eyes to how many men from all walks of life are sick freaks.we had people walk in with no pants,wearing womens clothing.and even business suits.but mostly it was truckers.for awhile we even had a problem with lot klizards.i believe in to each his own,but when i had to see it--your ass was getting tossed out.the job paid well but its really disgusting work and you have to have a strong stomach to do it.i eventually got fired due to several men hitting on me and i reply by beating the living snot outta one of them who wouldnt leave me alone.if it would have been just a trucker passing through nothing would have been said but it was a regular who was there on a regular basis.so hold your head high cuz there are better times down the road.
hIO6VC As usual, the webmaster posted correctly!!!