In the following quiz, choose the answer that best describes your sexual point of view. Keep track of your answers to each question, and scroll down for your score.

1. How do you feel about inviting additional playmates into your bedroom?
a. Not good. I prefer one mate with extensive experience.
b. I'm always surrounded by men. But I'd love a few more women in the mix.
c. No thanks. It's too hard to find one perfect mate, let alone more than one.
d. Bring on the orgy. I'm all about strength in numbers.
e. Nah, I'm too much of a Puritan.
f. Only by working together can we take back the bedrooms of America.
g. Undressing with large groups of men is a thing of the past.
h. I'd like to think I represent the average American when I say, "Hell no."
i. Every citizen should have an equal opportunity to fuck me.

2. Talking dirty: is it your style?
a. Only when necessary, to keep libertines in line.
b. Fuck yes.
c. I prefer to let actions speak louder than words.
d. No, but call me for sweet talk.
e. I'll say whatever my partner wants to hear.
f. I tell it like it is, and sometimes the truth is dirty.
g. No, but feel free to say anything you like.
h. Naturally. My partner has been fucked over for too long, and it's about time they were fucked right.

3. Which sexual archetype is your secret weakness?
a. The scruffy Southerner sporting a confederate-flag sticker on his/her truck.
b. The basketball player who'll keep you out 'til midnight.
c. The buttoned-down professional who bought Woodstock posters on eBay.
d. The adoring European.
e. Anyone who compares me to Kennedy.
f. The revolutionary youngster who lives to fight the system.

4. Your partner suggests experimenting with BDSM. What's your reaction?
a. Get me riled up; I'll hand out a few spankings, no problem.
b. I'll only pick up a paddle if the other person hits first.
c. Sorry, I can't justify a pre-emptive strike.
d. Fine, as long as I'm holding the keys to the handcuffs.
e. Leave violence to the Right — let peace prevail in the bedroom.
f. I don't care how big and strong you are — let me have it, and I'll still wear you down in the end.
g. Good, as long as I'm submissive. I mean dominant. I mean the sub.
h. I support violence . . . until it starts to hurt me.

5. What's your trademark cry of passion?
a. Sir, yes, sir!
b. Hello, nurse!
c. Just like that! Stay right there! Don't move!
d. I see the light!
e. Work for it, baby, work for it!
f. You're so close!
g. God, I'm yours!
h. Fuck me.
i. I'll give you anything you want. Anything!

6. You just met the perfect person, but they're anxious about going all the way. How do you break down their defenses?
a. Make lots of promises. Everything will change for the better once you consummate your love.
b. Exercise purchasing power: theatre tickets, nice dinners, etc. Healthy spending makes everyone happy.
c. Less spending, more talking. Make your position clear: you're serious.
d. Describe your relationship history. You always make good on your promises, and you've satisfied many a past partner. You're a no-risk lay.
e. Discuss your war wounds. Lots of people have hurt you; some good sex could help the healing begin.
f. Appeal to their sense of pride. They deserve to have great sex, and you can make it happen.

7. Who is most likely to rub against you at a party?
a. Questioning adults who hear that you've switched teams at least once.
b. Starry-eyed college students who travel in packs.
c. Netizens who send adoring emails.
d. Admiring virgins who know you've had many "firsts."
e. Southern girls who want to give you a taste of home.
f. Angry young men looking for someone to take their hand.
g. Nostalgic liberals who thought Clinton was a tad too wild.
h. Repressed schoolteachers longing to be appreciated.
i. Vietnam vets who want to shake your hand. Repeatedly.

8. Oral sex — better to give or receive?
a. I apply my lips everywhere I can.
b. I prefer it when other people suck.

9. How does ideal sex end?
a. Ultimately, everyone's satisfied.
b. I start out on the bottom but end up on top.
c. Someone's taking it up the ass, and it's not me.
d. Sweet satisfaction after a long, hard night.
e. I start out with one position and stay with it all the way.
f. I switch positions like I'm auditioning for the Kama Sutra.
g. I begin with conservative kissing, then break out the leather.

10. Your choice of toys?
a. Restraints. Slippery people need to be pinned down.
b. A cat o'nine tails. I make an impression that can't be ignored.
c. Massage oil. I prefer smooth seduction.
d. A Hitachi magic wand. I bring power to the people.
e. Sensual music. But none of this stuff the kids like nowadays.
f. A fur-covered paddle.

Now match your answers to the corresponding candidate. Tally which candidate appears most often. Scroll to the end for an analysis of your technique.

QUESTION 1 (If you chose option ___ , you are ___ . )
a. Joe Lieberman
b. Carol Moseley-Braun
c. Dennis Kucinich
d. Al Sharpton
e. John Kerry
f. Howard Dean
g. Wesley Clark
h. John Edwards
i. Richard Gephardt

QUESTION 2
a. Gephardt
b. Kerry or Clark
c. Moseley-Braun
d. Edwards
e. Lieberman
f. Sharpton
g. Gephardt
h. Dean

QUESTION 3
a. Dean
b. Moseley-Braun
c. Gephardt
d. Clark
e. Edwards or Kerry
f. Sharpton or Kucinich

QUESTION 4
a. Lieberman
b. Dean
c. Kucinich
d. Clark
e. Moseley-Braun or Sharpton
f. Edwards
g. Kerry
h. Gephardt

QUESTION 5
a. Clark
b. Dean
c. Gephardt
d. Sharpton
e. Edwards
f. Lieberman
g. Kucinich
h. Kerry
i. Moseley

QUESTION 6
a. Kucinich or Sharpton
b. Dean or Kerry
c. Gephardt or Lieberman
d. Moseley-Braun
e. Clark
f. Sharpton

QUESTION 7
a. Clark
b. Dean
c. Kucinich
d. Moseley-Braun
e. Edwards
f. Sharpton
g. Lieberman
h. Gephardt
i. Kerry

QUESTION 8
a. Dean, Clark, Sharpton, Kucinich or Kerry
b. Gephardt, Lieberman, Moseley-Braun or Edwards

QUESTION 9
a. Moseley-Braun
b. Kucinich, Edwards or Lieberman
c. Dean
d. Sharpton
e. Gephardt
f. Kerry
g. Clark

QUESTION 10
a. Clark
b. Sharpton
c. Moseley-Braun, Edwards
d. Dean, Kucinich
e. Lieberman, Gephardt
f. Kerry



Check your tally. Which candidate predominates? Congratulations — you are this Democratic primary candidate in bed:

	HOWARD DEAN: You're a smooth talker, and the ladies bend over backwards to impress you, thinking you'll cure what ails them. But when it gets right down to it, you're a missionary-style guy who thinks that "kinky" means Southern "accent." Still, you get the job done.
	WESLEY CLARK: Pillow talk is not your specialty, but you're a commanding presence in the bedroom. Your technique? Look your partner in the eye and tell them exactly what you're about to do to them.
	JOE LIEBERMAN: You're an amiable lover who indulges in less traditional behavior — to a degree. But if you can't come, nobody's coming, dammit.
	JOHN KERRY: One minute, you're sprinkling rose petals on the heart-shaped bed; the next, you're fastening a studded harness and reaching for the nipple clamps. You're a sensual guy, but your partners end up a little baffled — they just can't figure out what turns you on.
	CAROL MOSELEY-BRAUN: You're an idealist, with dreams of simultaneous orgasms and loving caresses. But until that happens, you'll demand satisfaction every time. You're not intimidated by men who are used to getting their way, and it's about time you got yours.
	JOHN EDWARDS: Good looks and charm are your trademarks. You've broken down many a bedroom door with your smile alone, and most people are surprised at how far you're willing to go. They'll even forgive you for the hair gel you borrow in the morning.
	DICK GEPHARDT: You claim you can revitalize a tired sex life with your no-fail technique. But even the greatest lover needs to learn some new tricks (or at least buy a butt plug) once in a while.
	DENNIS KUCINICH: Anal play? No problem — you'll bring your own dildo! Golden shower? Hey, it's a free country! Fisting? If it makes you happy! Your determination to allow every freedom can move quickly from endearing to obnoxious, but even your most unsatisfied partners admire your zeal.
	AL SHARPTON: If your partner's technique is unsatisfying, you're liable to pry them off in the midst of passion. But if you're getting the blowjob of your life, you won't stop telling them — and telling them, and telling them - how they rock your world. You're lucky that communication is a problem in so many sex lives; it makes you a refreshing change.