The Award for Most Likely to Be the Start of a Romantic Comedy
DECEMBER 26, 5:41PM
"We met on a plane, I fell asleep on your shoulder. We talked for 20 minutes. I'm never, ever, going to see you again. But strangely, I miss you. A lot."

The M. Night Shyamalan Award for Biggest Twist
DECEMBER 28, 6:26PM
"I would like to say this to my true love, who is out there: You can go fuck yourself for taking so long. Not interested any more."

The Rip Wan Winkle Award for Inopportune Drowsiness
DECEMBER 29, 9:25PM
"I fall asleep masturbating. I really suck at this."

The Award for Most Current Events-y
DECEMBER 29, 4:24PM
"I'm a high school math teacher in Connecticut. I just ended an affair with another math teacher at my school. She's married and so am I. A lot of other teachers and students suspected, but no one knows for sure. Except all of you reading this. First time we had sex was in her classroom after school one day. I love her still..."

The Benjamin Button Award for Not Acting Your Age
DECEMBER 28, 1:59PM
"I'm a young adult and I can't get the hang of sexting. It's just so impersonal to me."

The Consumer Reports Award for Responsible Shopping
DECEMBER 28, 9:28PM
"If I have to sleep with three different men to get off, then that's just what I'll do. I've lived in Paris, I can handle shopping at more than one store to make dinner..."

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4 Comments

I've fallen asleep masturbating many times. I don't feel like I've disappointed myself.

S commented on 01/04

Hey twist, It's your true love. The truth is I saw you didn't like what I saw and moved on so its cool.

ME commented on 01/04

lmao. I am now Benjamin Button. But I can't deny it, sexting is just not good enough for me, I need to feel that person is with me. Tell me, can sexting give you an orgarsm?? And if so, what's the point when you are all alone instead of cuddling or hearing your partner say "That was amazing". I want HIM touching my breasts, not just describing how he's going to ravish me. My hands can never compete with his hands, no matter how good he gives me directions.

km commented on 01/04

Makes me laugh, Makes me Sad... Happy New Years

JM commented on 01/04

 

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