Holiday spirit is already beginning to infect the Hooksexup Dating Confessions, like mono creeping slowly but steadily through your sophomore-year dorm. You all are still longing to sneak off for a quickie, but now the setting is your family's Hanukkah dinner. You might be sad because that girl just stopped taking your calls, but now you're also pissed because you'd already gotten her the cutest present and you're not sure if you can return a tiny reindeer made of chocolate. And so, like Santa, we're making a list, we're checking it twice, and we're gonna find out who was masturbating to a Sears catalog — it's time for the Confessies.

The Hopefully Not-So-Silent Night Award:
DECEMBER 5, 4:51PM
"Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is a cute girl. Doesn't have to be gorgeous! Just a 7 or an 8 will do fine. Who shows that she cares for me, can hold a conversation, and enjoys cuddling. A bit of a nerd is a bonus. Is this too much to ask for?"

The Tit For Tat For Tits Award:
DECEMBER 7 2009, 01:11PM
"I'll be your fantasy if you'll be my midlife crisis."

The Gallup Award for Statistical Analysis:
DECEMBER 4, 11:15PM
"It gives me a lot of satisfaction to know nobody as hot as me will put up with your zitty, hairy back and flabby, pathetic excuse of a (yes, that was zitty too!) ass. I know, I've polled."

The Liza Minnelli Screening Process Award:
DECEMBER 11, 12:27AM
"You're either the most perfect man in the world (for me) or you're gay. The problem is I can't tell which. Make your move already."

The Impromptu Porn of the Week Award:
DECEMBER 10, 3:50PM
"It was a really amazing time until I got excited and accidentally tore the page in the Sears catalog. Now there is a rip through your picture and I have to move on to a different model."

The "Ryan Seacrest Will Do Almost Anything to Get You to Watch New Year's Rockin' Eve" Award:
DECEMBER 6 2009, 10:19PM
"I plan on being out with friends on New Year's Eve. I will be wearing little except sequins and high heels. If you aren't there to kiss me at midnight, I'm certain that someone else will be glad to take your place."

Click here to read more Dating Confessions!

Share this article:

 

1 Comments

"I'll be your fantasy if you be my midlife crisis" is pretty beautiful. Short and sweet!

BR commented on 12/14

 

Leave a Comment

Initials

We are ardently committed to free expression, but we do expect Hooksexup visitors and contributors to interact respectfully and responsibly. Blatant expressions of bigotry, sexism or hatred may be constitutionally protected on the street corner, but they're not cool here.