Christian Rap Warns of the Sexual Danger of "Front-Hugging"
By Ben ReiningaNovember 30th, 2009, 4:50 pmComments (22)
For a while now, my list of Best Teen Sex Scandals (everyone has one of those, right?) had a clear winner: sexting. It's fun to read about, and it shows how ridiculous Americans still are about sex. (Since the whole 'teenagers getting naked with one other' existed before cell phones. I think they just did it in, like, barns or something?) It also shows how ridiculous Americans still are about grating portmanteaus!
That, however, was yesterday. Today, my favorite teen-sex scandal is front-hugging (street name: "Satan's lustful arm wrap"), in which unmarried teens hug by facing one another and wrapping their arms around each other's shoulders, running the risk of unintentional but still totally sinful closeness of crotches! It's an obvious sexual gateway drug.
Didn't realize the extent of this problem? Then you obviously haven't seen this video, "Gimme Dat Christian Side-Hug," in which a Christian rap group condemns the sinful front-hug and presents an antidote. In the form of a totally insane, WTF-inducing rap video.
That's right, kids! Jesus didn't hug nobody like that!
The Christian side-hug - or CSH as the hip Christian blogosphere would have it - has arrived. It's easy, it's fun, and it's totally God-approved! Plus, it's kind of bro-ish and totally helps to boost your street cred. Which I guess would be priority number one if you're trying to make it as a member of a Christian rap ensemble.
Commentarium (22 Comments)
This ain't no front-hug zone!
No front hugs here - she's bent over the sofa. Anyway, Ted Haggard gets himself fucked eight ways to Sunday but we can't front hug? No fair!
Alex: ROFL
Poe's Law - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law_%28religious_fundamentalism%29
The rough paraphrase of which is as follows: Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is often impossible to distinguish a parody of fundamentalism from the real thing.
note at 00:47 - they say they will "send you home in a coma" - so... front hugs = awful. beating someone who tries to "front hug" you into a coma - a-OK! sigh
oh yeh....homi G
fully sick yeh....watever this is the most saaaad as thing i have ever seen
enough with the seirn
why don't we call the cops on you
i mean wtf theres nothing wrong with frount hugs
you play this to some people i know and they'll frigin biff you
it says in the bible that jesus did frount hug and people at church say its fine and the POPE does it so WTF!!
Wow... A Glee outtake??
"Hug Condoms" anyone?
Yeah...also the sample of gunshots is okay, because when motherfuckers be up on you with that front-hug approach, you're totally an extreme Christian if you shoot them. Because you're doing it for Jesus!
Wow. My understanding is that al Qaeda, in defiance of their CIA/Illumanti overlords, has officially disbanded. They have realized, having seen this Youtube video, that their efforts to destroy Western society are not cost-effective or efficient, not when members of our own society propagate beliefs such as these. This is perhaps the most absurd idea I've ever heard any evangelical group spout.
Personally, I'd like to ban all social hugs. But that's just me. I don't like strange people touching me.
Nothing wrong with a high-five or a firm handshake, I always say!
Questions:
Why are there gunshots?
Why are there police sirens?
What are the two guys in the back doing?
Is this a karaoke concert?
I won’t address the costumes. I’m glad I’m married so I can provide my wife with a “front hug.”
Lyrics
"No front hugs and no kissin'."
"Ima rough rider filled up with Christ's love."
"I'm buyin' babies like Angelina Jolie."
"Democratic shift in the Congress, Repub."
"When I hug people I leave space for the holy spirit."
judging by the laughter, I think this is meant for humor.
Well, this is in the Comedy category on YouTube, so I'm not convinced it's serious. Plus, the other crap this guy has posted...
Lets hope these doosh bags side hug forever and never breed.
God say's to tell them they suck.
this is crazy https://christiansidehug.com
lord please tell me this is a JOKE P_p
how can you not kiss your girlfriend , or Boyfriend ?
if a guy cant stand to touch / show affection to his girl i have a feeling that she is a super bookworm then ,and they dont get no action except with Zitcovered guys *shrugs*
((dunno maybe these guys are trying to tell us something ))
and the BLESSED FACT that a brother even a minority is not in this is the one good thing about this LOSERofAlifetime Video
Check wikipedia. The joke is on the conference organizers! The song was performed at the youth conference, and the writer later came forward and said he wrote it as a satire.
thank god they choreographed an amazing dance routine, front-hug free!
Obviously this was a funny skit put on at a youth camp of some sort to discourage the kids from making out. This is hilarious. Lighten up everyone and laugh!!
You put the lime in the coocunt and drink the article up.
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