Unprotected Snuggling Threatens Koalas With Extinction
By Ben ReiningaDecember 14th, 2009, 2:47 pmComments (4)
After years as the icon of all things cute, the seedy underbelly of nature's most adorable snuggle-bugs has been revealed. And you thought it couldn't get worse than when those LOLcats checked into rehab for a smack addiction.
The Australian koala, official mascot of the land of Twee-den, is under threat of extinction - not just from the usual habitat destruction and deforestation - but from a rampant epidemic of STDs. That's right, Koala AIDS. Or, as they're calling it on the streets (of the forest?), KIDS.
After all the tourists go home for the night, Australia's sweetest little fur-balls are sneaking off to the darkest eucalyptus groves to have wild cuddle orgies. There are even reports of some Koalas spooning with multiple partners in one night and then returning home to sleep in warm balls of love with their furry life partners.
Although the Koala population has fallen in recent years from 100,000 to a reported 43,000, the Australian government is refusing to acknowledge the problem. Some MPs have reportedly referred to the outbreak as "punishment" for living such "abhorrently precious" lifestyles, and have put off re-assessing the problem until the end of 2010. In more positive news, more progressive marsupial bars around the country have taken to stocking bathrooms with "Safe Cuddling" packets and how-to guides.
Be safe, you furry snuggle bunnies of joy.
Commentarium (4 Comments)
Koalas are actually pretty nasty animals addicted to eucalyptus leaves. At the sanctuary in Australia I visited, you could get a picture of you holding one. The keeper hands you the koala and keeps a eucalyptus branch from which it constantly eats in reach for all but the three seconds it takes to snap the picture. Any longer, and the koala goes berserk from jonesing. Moreover, the fur is quite rough, and the one I held was damp on the bottom for reasons I did not want to know.
"Any longer, and the koala goes berserk from jonesing."
You'd be joinesing too if you were adapted to only eating such a nutrient-poor food.
The poor ol' kwalas have it bad here in Oz, they're vulnerable to herpes-like virus, conjunctivitis and other things. They're easily stressed and then their immune systems fail. Then there's the wild dogs ... They do look cute from afar, but they really don't enjoy being handled by humans. Another thing, a diet of eucalyptus leaves produces most unpleasant urine ... I think I'll stop there...
The readers of scanner have so much knowledge and first-hand experience with koalas. I'm in awe...
Now you say something