Conservatives Say The Darndest Things: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Welcome back, boys and girls, to another edition of "Conservatives Say The Darndest Things!" On this week's show, gays in the military!

Last weekend, Barack Obama renewed his campaign promise to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" - the policy that does not allow gays to serve openly in the military. Surprisingly, this time, just about all the military bigwigs backed him up. Now obviously, if the people who we trust to actually run the military don't see this as a threat, a bunch of senators shouldn't either, right? Haha, wrong. The nation's conservatives were swift to remind us of everything that's sinister about gay men in fatigues. As usual, while their intentions were unfortunate, the quotations themselves are pretty hilarious:

• "It will lead to alcohol use, adultery, fraternization, and body art." - Sen. Saxby Chambliss. Good God! Soldiers with tattoos who like to drink beer? Not only do you have a singularly awesome name, senator, but you make a brilliant point. How will we defend our nation if we're all covered in body glitter?
• "It would frankly make everybody a little bit uneasy... you know, the shower situation, the bathroom situation." - Sen. Duncan Hunter. Um, Dunc? Letter A: There are already gays in the military. They bathe. Letter B: Gays only have sex in the showers in two places: porn and internet porn. Oh, and your imagination.
• "Next thing you know they'll be giving out Purple Hearts for being Fabulous Under Fire." - Stephen Colbert. Touche, Steve, touche.