Sex Advice From Polyamorists

By Heather O'Neill

Sara, 21

What has polyamory taught you about dating?
I'm allowing myself to feel good. I'm expanding my capacity for giving and receiving love. I leave the judgment out and surround myself with non-judgmental people, poly or not.

My girlfriend and I technically have an open relationship. In the beginning it was fine but three years later I can tell that she is seething when I mention my other lady friends. She is my main partner and I don't want to lose her. How do I deal with her jealousy?
It could just be time to go over whatever rules and boundaries that you created from the beginning. Now that you've been in the game for three years, you might have to look at those rules and reevaluate them for the present. And check in with yourself. There's something that has you talking about something that makes her upset. Show some respect to your main partner.

I know my husband is having an affair, but I don't know how to finally call him on it. What should I do?
Call him on it. Your suffering over what you think you know and what he may or may not be doing is not worth the rise in your blood pressure. You have to talk to him. The marriage may be past saving, or this could be the conversation to bring it back together.

My wife and I are going to have a three-way — what's the best way to screen potential bedmates?
First and foremost, sit down together and really get clear on what you both want. A house boy/girl, or just an extra warm hole, or somewhere in-between? Let her do the talking — whether you're picking up a guy or a girl, you are going to want to let her set the pace and do most of the flirting. As women, we're less intimidating and easily make other women more comfortable. And always meet for coffee first, or something just as quick and easy, with no expectation of sex.

I date a lot. A lot. And I am always scared that I'll call one guy by another guy's name. What are some tricks for keeping all my paramours straight?
One way I keep the peace is pet names. I know that sounds kinda corny, but calling someone by the wrong name means an early night. However, if the "oh baby"s don't come naturallly, stick with the natural sounds your body wants to make. Grunts, moans, and screams are huge ego boosts for the guy.

I recently met my boyfriend's family, and I get along great with his sisters and mother. But it seems like this is somehow annoying him. How should I address this problem?
You should just talk to him. I can't read his mind from here and no matter how close the two of you are, you cant either! It could be a multitude of things: jealousy, anxiety, tight briefs... You really won't know anything unless you ask him, and when you do, don't ask him in a way where you have already made up your mind.

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