It is Friday. We can tell it’s Friday, because no one is doing any work around here. Including us! But we have to tell you something. Last night, we went to a Playgirl party. That’s right: Playgirl still exists. And at that party, there was a gift bag. And obviously, the gift bag was the best part. (Because it wasn’t the open bar. And we say that because, well, there wasn’t an open bar.) And in that gift bag was the following: breath mints, Durex cherry-flavored lube (tastes like nasty crap they put in your mouth at the dentist), two vibrators, and a package of Black Betty pubic hair dye. Yes, we now are the proud owners of Black Betty pubic hair dye. And we quote, from the package: “Blackbetty color for the hair down there [trademark symbol] naturally colors, covers gray and enhances to match your glorious locks above.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa: Covers gray?!?! This is Nice N Easy for your pubes? Wow. The visuals! We’ll have you know, also included in the gift bag was a heart-shaped sticker stencil, with the instructions “For best results, trim length of hair before using,” so that when you dye your pubes--not if, but when!--you can make it so that the color is shaped like a heart. Now if you’ll excuse us, the gardener is coming to hedge our pubic hair this afternoon. We’re putting in a koi pond!