Late Saturday night (OK, early Sunday morning), we happened across a rerun of Swordfish on TBS, which we hadn’t seen since it came out in the theaters. (How could we miss it?) We were struck by how excruciating the movie was when Halle Berry wasn’t onscreen, and naturally, we wondered how many other movies there were like Swordfish out there, and which was the most painful to endure. Which is where you come in ...
We need your help finding the screen performances that are so hot, you can’t help but watch the terrible film they’re buried in. Drop your nominees in the comments and argue away! [Confession: at one point, we spent a lot of time attempting to devise a mathematical formula to help you. Yes, we are total nerds.]
Is this wholly arbitrary? Absolutely. Do you count the Charlie’s Angels together or separately? You decide! Do we anticipate someone pointing out that we only included women in that photo montage above? Why, yes! Is there a prize? Of course there is! And it will probably resemble a T-shirt or vibrator! Here at Scanner, we believe the children are our future, and all of this here [gestures grandly] is for them.— Bryan Christian
UPDATE: Kids, we're gonna keep this going. Scanner Bryan, who is much harder to please than Scanner Sarah, still hasn't seen the PERFECT answer yet. Remember, winner gets a T-shirt and/or vibrator in which to pummel your private parts. BRING. IT.