We have a highly intelligent, yet under-employed friend who is currently getting paid to respond to MySpace fan mail for a busy hip hop artist we've never heard of but who is apparently "on the verge." So we asked him to send a few of these messages along. It's amazing what people will send when they think they're talking to a busty artist. And it's even better when we know they're sending them to a skinny white boy with a beer gut and rosy cheeks...from Kansas.
hi ____ its me yor 1 fan [x] i jess whant to say thank you so much letin me be on your myspace i love so much your 1 fan [x] ps xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo love u always
==
Subject: Breaking The Law
I'm turning you in.... yes I'm calling the cops on you. I talked to three of your employees and they all have complaints. Beauty says that she shows up everyday on time and doesn't get a break, Sexy says she's been working for you for over ten years and hasn't had a day off and Intelligence says you give her more work then anybody else. How do you plead? :-)
H- highly
I- intelligent
P- people
H- honestly
O- overcoming
P- poverty
==
"send me an IM... my IM is starkille**."
==
[From a teenage female fan:] Yes i luv u ...no homo.....
==
P.S. I was wondering if you have the time if you could go by my myspace page & sign my guestbook? I would be so flattered if you could.....smile
==
Subject: hey baby
Body: Hello beautiful, how was your day?
=
Im just dropping by ro say that I really really love you...so so much, you are my sister
Your songs make my cry but its a joyous cry , girl
Well, talk to you later
Love you.....
=
H3Y THANX 4 THA R3QU3ST
=
wuz good ma??? wat cha name is???
=
[The following is a pretty typical rave about any one of her songs, all of which are as vague as fortune coookie fortunes]: I love this song and the video this song just tells my whole realtionship story with my ex-boyfriend!! I thank yo so much for making this song and video!!! And I know I'm not the onii on who fells this way about that song!!!