We totally love conspiracy theories, and the best one we've run across recently on the Interwebs is this one: that former First Lady and current First Mom Barbara Bush is actually the spawn of the infamous British occultist and all around sex fiend Aleister Crowley, a.k.a. "The Great Beast," a.k.a. "The Wickedest Man in the World."
Barbara Bush was born Barbara Pierce, daughter of Pauline Pierce, but not daughter of Marvin Pierce. After Pauline's first two children, she traveled to Europe and spent several years with Frank [H]arris and Aleister Crowley. Though Pauline was married to Marvin Pierce, Marvin did not accompany her during her long stay with the Occultic, sexually explicit Aleister Crowley. [...] Pauline returned to America in early October of 1924. On June 8, 1925, she gave birth to a girl named Barbara. Barbara Pierce married George H.W. Bush, who eventually became the 41st President of the United States.
Normally we wouldn't bore you with these kinds of items -- we'd save them for our hundreds of handwritten diaries! -- but the chronology on this story at least holds up, and more importantly, it reads like a David Lynch adaptation of an Evelyn Waugh novel! Dig this passage:
Crowley's diaries for this period record the initials "PVN," a cryptic reference to his favorite sexual position, which some of his partners found distasteful. (The letters derive from the Latin for "By way of the Infernal Entrance.") This is a common annotation in the records of Crowley's magical practices. We also find the strange initials "ECL." After researching the matter for some time, I have come to the conclusion that this is a reference to the practice known as "Eroto-Comotose Lucidity."
An explanation as to how the President could be so evil and a new term for buttsex? Looks like that pagan holiday known as Christmas came early this year!