Let’s be honest: It’s easy to forget when Christmas is. Is it the second Tuesday of December this year? Maybe it’s in January? Or maybe it’s one of those years where we don’t celebrate Christmas*. It’s difficult to remember, and then, of course, the day sneaks up on you, and you don’t have any presents.
With most stores closed the day before, and you clearly panicking**, it’s time to break out the trustiest tool in the gift-giver’s book***: an IOU.
Since we’re being honest here, you’re fighting an uphill battle with an IOU, so there’s a couple of tips and tricks to remember that will turn your IOU into an IOHWOW****!
- Make it Nice: Make sure your IOU looks nice, neat, and composed. Clearly, you haven’t put enough thought into things to get a gift, but try to get a nice card, and write your IOU neatly and thoughtfully.
- Make it Personal: To that end, still include something personal to the person you’re giving an IOU to. Don’t just hand them an open ended IOU, like “IOU… Something… Dude.” Again, clearly you’re not thoughtful enough to remember them until you started heading out to their house, but try very, very hard to think about the things that they like.
- Make it Vague: Do they like theater? Then make it an IOU for “a night out at the theater.” Again, you don’t know this person very well to not get them an actual gift*****. This way, you don’t have to remember what show they actually like, and you’re also not committing to $300 tickets to go see Young Frankenstein. Remember, “Free Shakespeare in the Park” is still “theater.”
- Make it Funny: End of the day, regardless of what the IOU is for, people aren’t stupid. They know you forgot to get them a gift, and are going to be mildly bummed. The above items will help, but be sure to introduce a healthy dose of humor, whether it’s at your own expense (“Me? Forget something?”), or a good joke on the card. This will, at least, get them laughing, which is a positive response, which will make them forget that they hate you. Psychology!
- Make it Not “One Free Massage”: Seriously. I don't care how good everybody says your massages are, it’s played out, and it’s creepy, especially if it’s for your family members. Unless, I guess, you’re a professional masseuse. But that’s the one exception. Otherwise, cut it out, dudes.
And that’s all you need to know! Hopefully, you won’t need any of these tips, but if you do, best of luck, and Happy Holidays!
*Or maybe you’re Jewish, like me.
**How do I know? You’re reading hooksexup.com on Christmas Eve, clearly you’re panicking about something.
***Don’t pick out the rustiest tool; that’s creepy.
****I’m getting paid to do this, right?
*****Yes, I know we’re probably talking about your Mom.******
******These asterisks are getting out of control.