Blogger Kung Fu Monkey may be onto something. Could Britney's very public breakdown be a conspiracy to cover up the most important military mission of all time?
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
Date: [REDACTED]
NSA INTERVIEW ROOM #[REDACTED]
PRESENT: AGENT [REDACTED], ASSET CODENAME/TOXIC
Preliminary Interview
Interview already in progress, see Transcript #194BSZ
Agent: Based on this evidence, our profilers believe you have the best chance of getting close to Osama Bin Laden. He is utterly obsessed with you.
(PAUSE / 8 SECONDS)
Agent: Miss [redacted]?
Toxic: Anything for my country
Agent: We're not going to lie to you. You're America's pop princess. There's no way he's going to believe you just decided to "hook" up with him. No way he's got a chance with you at the height of your fame and power. We need --
Toxic: -- to ruin me.
Agent: A downward spiral. Very public, very messy. This is deep cover, Miss [redacted]. Not everybody comes back.
Toxic: What's the timetable?
Agent: To make it convincing? Years. At least. Sham marriage. Alcohol and drug abuse, multiple psychological problems. We need to go completely over the top, too, to make it convincing. And then ...
Toxic: Then what?
Agent: You contact any one of these paparazzi we've had under surveillance. They're all of Middle Eastern or Muslim descent. Begin a relationship. Our profilers feel that at that point, Bin Laden will figure he has a chance, and will make the call.
Toxic: What do I do when that happens?
Agent: You'll receive weapons training.
Toxic: I understand.
We'll suspend belief for a little while; we know that Osama bin Laden is actually totally obsessed with Whitney Houston. But Brit did say in Fahrenheit 911 that you should believe and follow your president. We know, it's kind-of like letting yourself believe that daddy really is working late because you want mommy to believe it, too.
[Kung-Fu Monkey: Operation In The Zone]