In my ongoing effort to surround myself with men whose names begin with the letter 'B', I've invited my friends Bobby Tisdale and Brian Fairbanks to join us here at Scanner for a while.
I love them both, for sentimental reasons, and soon, you will, too.
I love Bobby Tisdale because he's pretty famous, and it makes me feel really good about myself to have famous friends. I love Bobby Tisdale because he's enriched my life with Sunday night BINGO at my neighborhood bar. I love Bobby Tisdale because he's hilarious, even though he calls me "Sissy." Mostly, I love Bobby Tisdale because he loves to cuddle and I'm so looking forward to his regular feature, Bobby Tisdale's Cuddle Fest 2008. In between posts, you can stalk him and all that good stuff on his MySpace page.
I love Brian Fairbanks because even though I was just a stranger (sort-of, but we didn't know it at the time), Brian sold me a ticket to a sold-out Wilco show on Craigslist at face value when everyone else was charging hundreds of dollars or only offering tickets in exchange for blow jobs. I love Brian Fairbanks because when you google him, the top hit is an author whose book is called "Brian Fairbanks is Gay." He's promised this is not him. Mostly, I love Brian Fairbanks because his favorite picture of himself is of his interview with Dennis Kucinich for Consumerist, and I'm thrilled to have him covering the presidential campaign as whatever awesome political correspondent title I'm sure he'll make up for himself. Also, you should know he's in love with Chelsea Clinton. Feel free to give him shit for that.
All told, be nice to these guys, give them big, warm welcomes, and try to keep Scanner Bryan and Scanner Brian straight, if it's not too much trouble.
P.S. I'm convinced Brian Fairbanks' first (and still unpublished) novel caused Columbine. Ask him about that later.