Duh. Because he has cancer.
"When I was diagnosed with cancer I found myself and my family in need of protection. I was too old to fight, too sick to run, and since cancer took my vocal cords, I couldn't yell for help. I purchased my first ever firearm."
Hm. What about Life Alert? Shouldn't every senior citizen have Life Alert? Since he's cute—and sick, and old—we'll move on to Jessica. What's her excuse?
"I'm just one little girl in the world."
Thanks, Jessica. That's exactly what young girls need to hear: women are powerless and guns will make us powerful. To each her own, we guess, but it's this picture that really disturbs us:
Caption this?
We grew up in a place where people were often shot randomly on the street and we were all but forced to fire a shotgun for a Girls' Scout badge, so we're not exactly fans. But some people luuurve their firearms, and they have their reasons. We even understand there are a few good arguments out there for civilians owning guns for purposes other than hunting, not that we agree with any of them.
If you're interested to find out why Americans own guns—even if you just want to laugh and point or roll your eyes in despair—check out "Armed America: Portraits of Gun Owners in Their Homes."
[Armed America via Didn't You Hear?]
(Yes, we know it came out in 2007 and you may have already seen it, but we thought the five year-ish anniversary of the Iraq War was as good a time as any to share.)