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I Hate Myself For Loving You: Julia Allison

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

TimeOut's resident dating sexpert Julia Allison was on the magazine's cover recently and we were really tempted to make an anonymous call, complete with heavy breathing, insults, and professions of undying devotion.

PROS:

Julia burst onto the scene after shacking up with future ex-future-Senator Harold Ford, Jr., back when he was just a lowly Democratic Congressman from Tennessee, still black, and not yet a lover of blonds from the Playboy Mansion.

Julia likes nerdy dudes with glasses and big, poofy, dark curly hair. She's also learned that dweebs have the best-laid plans. 

CONS:

The nerdy dude she dated, pictured above, takes shirtless pictures of himself every morning and posts them on his blog. She was actually upset by her breakup with such a man.

She and Jack Longballs-- or whatever his name was (he's dead to us for dissing Julia!)-- had their own couples blog. Yuck. Thankfully, the majority of the content was taken down when Julia finally came to her senses.

Seriously, now... we really like Julia Allison... and not just because she's undeniably gorgeous. We don't mind her writing, minus anything about Lodwick (who is also arguably tolerable when not exposing himself and insulting his then-girlfriend in widely-disseminated webcam videos.) The reason most people despise Julia is because they are jealous.

Jealous of the fact that she is one of the best self-promotion machines in the continental United States. She gets her face in every gossip rag without having to do something inane (usually), which catapults her high above other socialites like Lindsay Lohan and that Dorothy Parker skank. She has a 3/4-page column in Time Out every week, does very little important work as a roving editor at Star, and yet manages to make a very high profile and successful career. Of course, there's also the argument that if she wasn't smokin' hot, we wouldn't be paying her the slightest heed.

Let's call it The Jude Law Syndrome.


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Comments

Bryan Christian said:

Yeah, um, pass. JA is a great looking gal sometimes, no argument there, and God bless her for going out and getting what she can out of life with the talent that she's got, but it's hard to think of a better example of someone becoming less appealing the more coverage they get themselves -- and there are plenty of people fighting for that crown these days.

March 27, 2008 12:33 AM

siegerules said:

Umm, pass.

"We don't mind her writing."

I think that says it all. Tell me one thing original or new this person has ever said.

She's all 'boys are like this!' 'girls are like this!'

Here TONY pickup tips included a bit about how guys should order French fries because girls are too scared to order them for themselves.

OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE THEY'RE BIG FATSOS.

She's so mainstream prom queen. Even worse, she doesn't realize it. She's all "I'm so kooky!" "I date nerds!"

Yeah, right. Go get another $400 facial and then talk to me about how down-to-earth you are, sweetie.

March 27, 2008 2:58 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

in

about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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