Here at Scanner we can't really claim to be metal (except on Thursday nights), but we can give our deep respect and appreciation to all that is metal, in this particular case, the online reviews for guitars and amps written by Rip Glitter.
Here's a little sample of his awesome:
(About the Peavey 5150 Amp) Yesterday, I took my 5150 over to my friend Dino's house, and he opened it up and disconnected every knob except the GAIN one, and then we busted that knob off so it's permanently stuck at 10, because that's the only number I need to know when it comes to pumping out my hot n' tasty licks with my new side project, LETHALICON, when we hit the stage at the Greenbriar Community Center every Thursday.
Want more? Think you can stand it?
Sometimes, I'll call the customer service number, and when they pick up the phone, I'll put the receiver down by my amp and crank out "Fool for the City" by Foghat just to show my appreciation. They're never on the phone when I finish, but I'm sure they like to hear how at least SOME of us know how to use their amps for the prep-smacking ROCK they wanna hear.
And it just keeps coming:
By now the neighbors know that when I'm standing in that attic window, they should watch where they step because their BALLS are about to be rocked off.
[Disclaimer: We think that Rip Glitter is actually the product of a very clever, very down-to-earth metal head with a bit too much time to kill, but that doesn't stop us from cackling demonically at his reviews. We'd like to know what he'd say about this hunk of plywood, but we're afraid to ask.
Disclaimer II: There is some misogyny in the comments. We think it's a cheap shot that detracts from the overall power and meaning of Rip's message. Misogyny is not metal.]