You ever see a sex scene that turns you on and repulses you at the same time?
5. Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Secretary." Easily the #1 "Hottest on-screen sex scene" for females on Hooksexup personals, this would be way sexier for us dudes if Maggie Gyllenhaal was, um, actually hot. Nevertheless, this ends up being nasty in a good way, whereas we're not so sure about the rest of this list...
4. Speaking of Maggie, her whorish manueverings in "Sherrybaby" more than make up for her lack of hotness. The sex scenes in this 2006 indie downer are definitely guilty pleasures, as Jake's sis offers up a quid pro quo blow that turns us on and makes us feel guilty for it at the same time. Here's Gyllenhaal discussing the exhausting process of making the film, as if you care. And because this is what you really want, here are the boobies.
3. "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me"-- remember this one? If you've seen the movie, you already know this refers to Laura Palmer getting nailed in her sleep by a mysterious figure and waking up to find out it's, barf, her Dad.
2. Carrie Fisher in "Return of the Jedi." We realized this when we saw the new posters for Spike's "Star Wars" marathon; Fisher is featured on one of them. It reminded us that seeing her chained to The Blob, i.e. Pizza the Hut, was majorly hot to us from age 8 through 26. Watch a montage here and remember why it gave you a funny feeling you didn't know you could have, way back in 1983.
1. "Tie Me Up Tie Me Down." Even the title of this Almodovar kink classic is erotic. Antonio Banderas, very pre-Melanie, kidnaps the object of his affections and lashes her to the bed. She realizes, partway through her ordeal, that he's Antonio Banderas and that maybe she wanted this after all. Once again, kind of nasty and erotic and repulsive in that "Talk To Her" kind of way (only way less offensive this time), Almodovar has a knack for turning us on and making us question whether we should be getting turned on. (Key line: "The only thing they left alone was my cock.")
Other nominees for nastiest sex scene ever included:
- "Storytelling" (heartless, repulsive sex with your professor)
- "Requim For A Dream" (2 girls + 1 toy)
- "The Piano" (sex with Harvey Keitel in return for Oscar nomination?)
- "My Beautiful Laundrette" (only nasty if you're some sort of homophobe who wouldn't normally get turned on by a young Daniel Day Lewis tearing some guy apart just because it's a guy instead of Lena Olin)
- Natassja Kinski tied to a bed, having very hot sex, trying to keep her claws from coming out and tearing her boyfriend apart in "Cat People."