What's hotter than Lindsay Lohan doing Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Monroe doing someone else. With her mouth. On tape. For 15 minutes.
That's right, somewhere there exists at least one copy of a Marilyn Monroe (oral) sex tape.
Memorabilia collector Keya Morgan said he recently arranged the sale of the silent, black-and-white film from the son of a dead FBI informant who possessed it to a wealthy Manhattan businessman who wants to protect Monroe's privacy.
Monroe is clothed and the man's head remains out of the frame for the entire 15 minutes of the film, said Morgan, who viewed the film.
Monroe was rumored to have had an affair with former U.S. President John F. Kennedy, and Morgan said former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover, a Kennedy rival, went to great lengths to try to prove it was Kennedy in the film.
One of Monroe's ex-husbands, the late baseball great Joe DiMaggio, once tried to buy it from the collector for $25,000 but "he would not part with it," according to declassified FBI files provided by Morgan.
So yeah, good luck getting your hands on it you clever Internets; apparently the tape will be kept private.
[Reuters: Marilyn Monroe sex film to be kept private]