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Hillary Clinton: "I Feel... Happy!"

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

Hillary Clinton has a plan to win the nomination, and it's a surprising one...

Howard Dean: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
The Media: Here's one.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
Howard Dean: What?
The Media: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
Howard Dean: 'Ere, she says she's not dead.
The Media: Yes, she is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
Howard Dean: She isn't.
The Media: Well, she will be soon, she's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
The Media: No, you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
Howard Dean: Well, I can't take her like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
The Media: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Howard Dean: I can't take her like that.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine...
The Media: Well, when's your next round?
Howard Dean: Tomorrow, after West Virginia.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I've been saying all along... West Virginia is very important! The most important of all the states!
The Media: You're not fooling anyone, you know.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy! I feel happy!

[Howard Dean glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with a whack of his club]

According to Terry McAuliffe, Hillary will use the West Virginia primary on Tuesday to attempt, as part of a long-term strategy, to eventually pass Obama in the popular vote count.

In an e-mail to supporters, the former chairman of the Democratic National Committee says:

Hillary is within striking distance of winning the popular vote nationwide -- a key part of our plan to win the nomination. That means we need every last vote we can get in West Virginia on Tuesday and in the races to follow.

Will it work? Although most people on both sides agree the race is over (after all, Hillary is losing superdelegates to Obama as fast or faster than she can add new ones), we would not be surprised if the media trumpets her likely 25-point-plus victory tomorrow as another "game changer" and that, as Monty Python would say, she's "not dead yet!"

Via IMDB


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About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker/The Consumerist. He will be first against the wall, come the revolution.

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Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one . . . so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Nicole Pasulka is a Brooklyn writer and editor who's always on the lookout for the dirty. Her other virtual home is at The Morning News, where things are squeaky clean most of the time.

Editorial Director, Hooksexup Media:
Michael Martin

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