Rape is not funny. Or sexy. Yet many women entertain rape fantasies.
It's not something we've ever wanted to talk about publicly...because any discussion of rape can get uncomfortable, fast. But one man bravely explores this topic in Psychology Today.
Matthew Hutson notes that, "a recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that between 31% and 57% of women have rape fantasies, and these fantasies are frequent or preferred in 9% to 17% of women. Considering that many people are ashamed to report rape fantasies, these stats are most likely lowball figures."
Based on the conversations we've had with friends, we imagine the figures are quite low.
But is it really rape women are fantasizing about or is it just the desire to be dominated by someone we actually want to dominate us? Probably (and hopefully) generally the latter. Because no one wants to be raped by the homeless guy who hangs out by the subway station. Women fantasize about being "raped" by their boyfriends, their husbands, their objects of desire, or at the very least, a good-looking, nameless, faceless person without a criminal record or an STD. But why?
Apparently, there are many possibilities:
Masochism - The idea that women desire suffering. Women who engage in masochistic sex are more likely to have rape fantasies, but the great majority of women with rape fantasies do not want real rape. According, masochism may only apply to a small group of women.
Sexual Blame Avoidance - Women are socialized to not seek out sex lest they be considered tramps, but if they're having sex against their will they can avoid guilt. Studies comparing sexual repression to rape fantasies are mixed and overall don't support the explanation, but they may have been using wrong metrics; sexually repressed women have fewer fantasies overall but they might have a higher ratio of rape fantasies. In any case, this theory would only apply to some women.
Openness to Sexual Experience - In some ways this is the opposite of the last one, and it doesn't explain rape fantasies so much as it describes the type of person to have them. If you're sexually open, you entertain a greater variety of fantasies. As one study described rape fantasy among these women, it's "just one more expression of a generally open, positive, unrestrictive, and relatively guilt-free expression of one's sexuality."
Desirabilty - Many women like to believe that they're so attractive that men cannot resist the urge to overtake them. The evidence for this theory is suggestive but not yet conclusive. I did cover a study in Psychology Today last year indicating that women with attachment anxiety (neediness) have more sexual fantasies featuring submission.
Male Rape Culture - Some have argued that women have been conditioned to buy into men's fantasies of domination. But the prevalence of rape fantasies has not changed much in recent decades, even as gender roles have.
Biological Predisposition to Surrender - In many mammalian species, the male must pursue and subdue the female in order to mate. Women may be programmed to surrender to the successful dominant male. Just like many other theories in evolutionary psychology, this one makes sense but has not been tested empirically. (Writer Tracie Egan hints at this explanation in her essay entitled "One Rape Please (To Go)" about hiring a male prostitute to play-rape her (which I recently saw her read live): "...as a girl, my equipment can be trickier to manage, therefore I need to be a boss in the bedroom to ensure I get worked the right way. [But] it gets really tiresome always being the one in charge...")
Sympathetic Activation - The sympathetic nervous system becomes engaged in times of stress or danger, activating a fight or flight response marked by increased heart rate, respiration, pupil dilation, and genital arousal. Just like on a roller coaster, fear and excitement go hand in hand.
Adversary Transformation - In one survey of romance novels (which tend to be written by and for women), the lead female character was raped in 54%. The male heroes are usually rugged warrior types and these books may illustrate a desire to "conquer the heart of the rapist" and tame him for marriage.
Reaction to Trauma - This one is not mentioned in the paper, but Brett Kahr, a psychoanalyst who has conducted the largest survey of sexual fantasies ever, argues that most masturbatory fantasies are attempts to transform early difficult experiences into pleasure. So those who have been sexually abused may try to master their trauma by taming those experiences.
Oy. We're not even going to try and address these, considering this is a blog and not a psychology research paper, but all of makes this think: can we just come up with a new word or phrase to describe a "rape fantasy?" Please??
[Psychology Today: Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies?]
[Previously: News Flash: Date Rape Still Isn't Funny, And Neither is Your T-Shirt]
[Image which has nothing to do with rape—but would you really want to see a picture of that?—via]