As many of you are aware, I, Scanner Brian have long been the amour of Hayden Panettiere, star of "Heroes" and many a male fantasy. I wanted you to be the first to know that I've decided to end my relationship with this young lady... and why...
Turns out that Hayden is taking a page from her "Heroes" (har har) Paris and LiLo and has gone completely off the rails, turning into a bonkers Star Magazine celebrity we've always feared she'd become...
"It's great to be single. It's great to have boyfriends. Or girlfriends. There are occasions when you kiss your best friend growing up, having fun and goofing about. Like perfecting your technique!"
She's a switch hitter it seems and I won't stand for it. PS Y'all know I'm kidding, right? But apparently, some people are indeed afraid that our favorite cheerleader is going by way of Lindsay... you know, joining Ellen's team? You get it?