Because there is no other human being on the planet right now, we will regale you with rumors about the field of woman Michael Phelps is currently plowing. It should go without saying Phelps must take this 8 Gold Medal situation and turn it into sex with everyone he's ever even remotely fanticized about. Honestly, why else would a person bother to swim that fast, if not to get massively laid afterward.
So! Without the recommended period of slutitization, Phelps has reportedly taken a lover. And who are the potential champions of Micheal Phelps' heart?
None other than naked, drippy PETA protester Amanda Beard and some random model named Lily Donaldson.
Whoooo.
Seriously dude, you need to understand! We don't really get your hang-jaw appeal, but we realize that you could have anyone, and that includes Jessica Biel..or Jessica Alba...even Johnny Depp, if you wanted him.
If we were you we'd take the Biel and run her off to love island before you're pecs soften and she forgets your name. Take her! Now!
And while we're at it, Scannerites, if you miraculously woke up as the Phelps tomorrow morning who would you give it to?
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