I've been working out of a friend's office space lately, which is located in the lovely SoHo section of lower Manhattan. While this provides many great opportunities, including being blocks from Hooksexup HQ should I decide I want to play pool while I eat free bagels, and being deliciously nestled in between Chinatown and Little Italy, it has one serious drawback: it's next door to a pet store—with kittens in the window.
Yesterday, one window had one calico kitten in it, another had three. I felt a little sorry for the kitten that was alone, though it was making its own fun. Then, all of a sudden, I felt bad for my cat, sitting at home all alone while I'm working in cush office space and eating noodle soup for lunch. It made me think that when my cat kicks the litter box, I'll probably get two, so they can keep each other company. Hell, I'd probably get a second now if my roommate weren't so opposed to the idea of two cats scratching up her vintage couch.
But considering the only things in life I've ever been able to commit to are tattoos and my cat, I'm well on my way to becoming the crazy cat lady. Recognizing this at a young age, I've devised a plan that will hopefully lead me down a healthier social path. So, ladies and gentlemen, here you have it: Scanner Emily's Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady.
10. Go out with every man—or woman—who asks. If I'm pre-occupied with dates, whether good or bad, maybe I won't crave kitty affection so much? Eh?
9. Get a dog.
8. Clean the litter box less frequently. The smell is bound to overpower my need for feline love, no?
7. Write a letter to the government asking the city to impose a 150% tax on pet food.
6. Move into a building that won't allow me to have cats, and sign a 10-year-lease.
5. Only date people with cat allergies.
4. Write a feature on "crazy cat ladies" so I can see what I don't want my future to be.
3. Get knocked up by some random dude, and decide to keep the baby. Apparently pregnant women aren't supposed to go anywhere near cat litter. And if there's no one there to help me take care of the cat while I'm preggers, I'm going to have to get rid of the cat.
2. Avoid pet stores and "pounds on wheels" at all costs.
1. Anonymously report myself to the ASPCA for animal abuse, so I'll be blacklisted for pet adoption.
Additional ideas are highly encouraged.
Related: