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Go Have A Jolt Cola And A Sandwich, Kids, We Want To Have An Orgy

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

My, these middle school teachers sure seem to be getting laid a lot more often than we are. Unfortunately, the ones you're hearing about in the news are all sleeping with underage students or, in the case of those teachers at a school in Augusta, Georgia, with fellow staffers... during lunch...

According to News 12 in Richmond County, the school system has launched an investigation into whether Spirit Creek (damn hippies!) Middle School faculty engaged in noontime orgies:

The allegations include accusations that faculty members were having sex with each other here on school property during school hours.

The accused include teachers, members of the administration and a former school public safety officer.

"Wow. Wow. That's shocking. That's really shocking." Bonita Blocker's daughter is a seventh grader at Spirit Creek Middle School. "Anything like that should not be going on in the school system expecially with the testing scores that we're putting out here -- everything that thay do here should be concentrating on the children."

Is it wrong that we can't stop laughing about the above paragraphs? First, there's the image of teachers, administrators, and a safety officer unable to resist their sexual urges for each other, like that Peter Jackson movie Dead Alive, where the virus (or whatever it is) turns all the zombies, including a priest and a nurse, into sex fiends. Anyway, enough about that. What's even better is Bonita's reaction ("Wow." Pause. "Wow") and the use of the word "expecially" while discussing test scores. 

People, you can't make this shit up. Read the rest of the madness here, but honestly, we've given you all you need to know. 

 

Related:

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

While You Were Sleeping: Which Hollywood Celeb Loves Anal Sex?

Hero of the Day: Dad Who Killed A Sex Offender Turned Home Invader

South African Lovers Pick The Wrong Place To Have Sex

Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Mom Gets Five Years In Prison For Going Down On Her Daughter's Friend

While You Were Sleeping: Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On


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About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one . . . so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

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