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"Yeah, I must've been really horny," she said. "The sex is getting better."

Salma Hayek is much cooler than you think. In addition to being the best celebrity cameo on this season's 30 Rock, there's a lot to love about her: for one thing, she was expelled from a convent school in New Orleans after pulling a series of pranks on the nuns; also, she landed her breakthrough role in Desperado by bitching on television about discrimination against Latin actresses.

Here is that performance, plus four more gems from the vaults... in all their R-rated glory.

5. After the Sunset. Here's some foreplay to get you warmed up for the superior sex scenes to come. This features Pierce Brosnan, who is better known as that guy from Mrs. Doubtfire. 

4. Ask the Dust. Adapted from the John Fante autobiographical novel, this Colin Farrell came and went a few years ago. Guess making Salma's boobs all but invisible with this poor lighting didn't help the box office...

Here's a bonus scene without any sex until the last second, but hey-- she is naked.

 

3. Bandidas. We had never even heard of this movie prior to putting together this list. How did an English-language movie, the first-ever pairing of Hayek and Penelope Cruz, and budgeted at $35 million, never register on our radar? Oh. Right. It was a PG-13 "Western comedy." Ouch. [Disclaimer: We almost skipped this boring-ass "sex" scene entirely-- just fast-forward through it and enjoy the cleavage, then move on to the good ones, which are #2 and #1.]

 

2. Frida. The pinnacle of Hayek's acting career, hands down: she was received both Golden Globe and Oscar nominations for her starring role in this Julie Taymor biopic. There are other great scenes-- one where here breasts take up the entire frame, another where Alfred Molina thanks God for acting classes while he undresses Hayek-- but this is the only one with our girl getting the shit banged out of her.

Salma Hayek In Frida (both scenes... because, ah, what the hell-- those boobs are not to be missed)

1. Desperado. Business time starts at about the two-minute mark and continues through a followup sex scene with the bad guy, ending around 4 minutes in. Although we'd seen plenty of boobs on TV and on the internet at the time this film was released, we remember this being the first great and breast-filled sex scene in our young moviegoing lives...

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