The winner of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest was announced today and--WHOA! Garrison Spik's writing is so bad it makes the Anne Heche (author of the acclaimed autobiography Call Me Crazy) look like a Nobel Prize winner. But, before you assume we're just picking on poor Spik, let us explain.
Named after Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton the writer responsible for such famous drivel as "it was a dark and stormy night" and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," the contest give $250 to the writer capable of coming up with the WORST opening sentence to an unwritten novel.
So how bad is the worst? Check Spik's below passage on, what else but a New York City love, and get a towel cause you're gonna need a shower...
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