The Spring Awakening performance is looming, and acting out an on-stage sex scene has Ty and Annie all hot and bothered. Harry catches Annie getting in some non-required kissing with Ty backstage which basically causes him to re-evaluate the kind of job he's done as a parent for the rest of the episode.
Annie's still only in the chorus, but she's been sitting in for that druggie drama girl who's missed a bunch of rehersals. When DDG finally shows up, Brenda tries to yell at her for her constant absence, but DDG launches into a high octane freak-out about all the pressure she's under (she's too fat, her parents don't love her, etc.). It seems like the girls in this new cast are always having these Jessie-Spano-style breakdowns which would be easier to take if they didn't a) go from zero to sixty in like 0.2 seconds, or b) move their facial features around so much.
Meanwhile, Mr. Clark has moved into the beach house with his mistress, leaving Mrs. Clark to hole up in her room with the shades drawn. Naomi decides it's time for some tough love, and threatens to call Mr. Clark to intervene. However, when Mr. Clark comes to investigate, Mrs. Clark is dressed, pressed and ready to jump his bones. Which she does. Hmmmm. Whatever.
Back at school, Brenda, Kelly and Ryan have a pow wow to discuss DDG and her crazy behavior. Kelly and Ryan suspect drug use (Kelly should know) and suggest pulling her from the show. Brenda claims she can handle it and promises to set DDG on the straight and narrow.
Ty tells Annie that he booked them a room for the night at the hotel where the play's after-party is being held. Somehow it doesn't seem as sweet as the time Dylan did the same thing for Brenda on prom night '91.
Brenda does some one-on-one voice coaching with DDG who actually starts to seem enthusiastic for once. Sadly, that enthusiasm is dampered by her mother who sweeps into the drama room to announce that she's invited a host of agents and producers to the show, dumping the weight of the world back on her daughter's shoulders. DDG deals with the drama by popping some pharms and acting nuts. Brenda has no choice but to send her home and put Annie on in her place. DDG doesn't actually leave the theater, but lurks creepily backstage, giggling and swaying against the walls.
Dixon and Silver are flirting via their headsets which, in fact, is quite a bit hotter than when they're flirting in person. Dixon's still contemplating Silver's hotness when he meets Annie backstage to laud her stellar performance. Annie waves off his compliments and demands that he hand over his condom. What condom, you ask? The condom he's kept in his wallet for -- wait for it -- four years.
OMG. Can we get a teen show where the condom expiration dates are observed? Don't get us wrong, we applaud the fictional teenage youth of America's desire to be prematurely prepared, but seriously, CONDOMS DON'T LAST FOUR YEARS, KIDS. A lot can happen to them in that time. Are you listening? Did you hear us? Because we don't want to see this again.
Dixon hands the aged condom over, and Annie sprints away like a woman on a mission only to collide with Ethan in the hallway. The condom lands on the floor between them, and it's exactly like that episode of 7th Heaven where Lucy dropped a tampon on the ground in front of Mary's boyfriend. Except, this time it's way more awkward because instead of shuffling around, looking at the ground and making a quick exit like a normal person, Ethan decides to address the issue directly ("You're going to have sex with Ty Collins?"). As if that weren't painful enough, he then tries to talkl her out of it ("Don't you want to wait to share that with someone who really cares about you?") This weirds us out for a couple reasons. 1) How does Ethan know Ty doesn't care about Annie? and 2) When did Ethan become KIrk Cameron? Annie hits him with a fresh batch of guilt for dropping the ball on their almost-relationship and stalks off to meet Ty at the hotel.
Kelly and Brenda leave the play lamenting DDG's downward spiral. Brenda marvels at Kelly's ability to shoulder the emotional weight of her students' problems. Kelly's response: "It's not always this High School Musical, " which seems like a weird comparison since no one in High School Musical has a drug problem or a stage mom (this kind of makes us think the writers of 90210 haven't actually seen HSM).
Jump to the hotel party where Dixon and Silver are cozier than ever. Dixon's dealing out psychological observations on Silver's personality. Silver initiates a make-out session to shut him up, and we are grateful.
Inexplicably, DDG shows up at Ty's hotel room and lies about Annie hooking up with Ethan after the play. When Annie gets to Ty's room, ready to do the deed, DDG answers the door in a towel and lies about Ty being in the shower "rinsing off" after hooking up with her. DDG is spending some time in crazytown.
Annie flees the scene and bumps into Ethan and Naomi down by the pool. Annie makes a loud and tearful confession about almost losing her virginity, and we're pretty sure Ethan and Naomi are just as uncomfortable as we are.
Dixon and Silver are hot and heavy, but, oops! He gave Annie his trusty condom. Irony is such a cruel bitch.
Annie makes it back to the Wilson mansion and collapses on her bedroom floor, platform heels and all, in a fit of anguish that seems excessive for what's actually occurred. Girl, please. It's not like you're on Party of Five.