It's a showdown at the 9021-OK Corral: Principal Wilson, Ryan, Kelly, and Brenda stage an intervention about druggie drama girl's meltdown at the play last week. DDG's mom is guiltily defensive. Harry threatens DDG with expulsion if she's caught with any illegal substances.
Debbie scores a bigtime photography oppurtunity at a Beverly HIlls fashion show. Dixon and Annie agree to be her assistants because the Wilsons are all about family togetherness. Dixon invites Silver along because now that they're boyfriend and girlfriend they're pretty much locked at the mouth -- a fact that sends Navid into a pout, decrying the dangers of befriending the new kid.
In Ryan's English class, DDG's sullen fem-bot expression is kind of making us physically ill. Ryan puts Annie on the spot and asked her to take DDG to the fashion show. Annie agrees, although, truthfully, we always feel like it's awkward when the phrase, "I'm a nice person," is spoken out loud.
Out in the hallway, Brenda gets a call from Dylan, who says he wants to talk to Kelly. Ryan plies Brenda for information about Dylan -- Ryan's quite the nosy parker. Ryan follows Kelly into her office to confront her about the phone call. Kelly confesses that Dylan's coming back to the states. Ryan's response: "If Dylan wants to be with you, why'd he call Brenda and not you?" We feel like Ryan's a guy who often oversteps his bounds to advance the plot.
Kelly accuses Brenda of having designs on both Dylan and Ryan which leads us to believe that Kelly's not in a healthy emotional place. Why so bitchy, Kel? You were the one who stole Dylan, remember? Sidenote: Luke Perry, please come back!
At the pre-show fashion shoot, a modelling agent is sniffing around Silver, complimenting her fine bone structure. Silver's caught in that uncomfortable place between flattery and revulsion.
Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Clark's recent roll in the hay has made Naomi certain of their inevitable reconciliation. She decides to stage her own version of the parent trap to force Mr. and Mrs. Clark to face their lingering attraction. Step one of her plan is to invite Mr. Clark and his mistress out to dinner and then out her father for his conjugal visits to her mother. Mr. Clark takes this badly -- his maturity level seems to be significantly below Naomi's.
Fashion show day arrives and the gang's all here. Navid's getting his Persian groove on and banishing third wheel title once and for all. We're happy for him, but we're a little weirded out by all the David-Fincher-style CGI of the runway. Ryan and Brenda are pseudo-flirting, but we're kind of okay with it because we're not over Kelly's earlier bitchiness.
Annie and DDG are making the rounds together. A film producer recognizes Annie from Spring Awakening and asks her to audition for a cheerleader slasher movie. Annie feels bad and introduces DDG, telling the producer how amazing she is. The producer tells DDG she can audition as well.
Step two of Naomi's parent trap is in full swing. Naomi texts her dad that there's an emergency at the fashion show. He shows up to find Mrs. Clark flirting with a gaggle of younger suitors, and screams a tirade of abuse at Naomi, which is, you know, harsh. We feel like Mr. Clark might be the worst parent of all time.
DDG and Annie are bonding. DDG pours out her heart about her mother troubles. Annie nods sympathetically. DDG confesses to lying about hooking up with Ty. Annie freaks out (understandable). Evidently, DDG's haitus in normaltown was short-lived, and she goes back to acting crazy per usual.
Model agent guy finds Silver by the runway, who's just starting to warm up to the modelling idea. Unfortunately, model agent guy is a sleeze of epic proportions, and a particular fan of underage conquests. Dixon steps in to put a stop to the manhandling of Silver. Turns out agent model guy is both an asshole and a bigot -- the phrase "Compton boy" is used. We feel like Dixon is justified in punching agent model guy in the face.
Pause for a word from our sponsor in which we discover that the only way to get noticed in this town is in a Honda Fit. We think that's unlikely.
Ty finds Annie out on the balcony waxing jaded about life in Beverly Hills. Apparently, DDG texted him about her post-play deception right before she jumped back on the crazy train. Ty's ready to give it another go. Annie confesses she's not ready to have sex. Ty nods and says they can still be friends. We're a bit perplexed. They have to have sex to date? That's not a good message, CW.
Ryan and Brenda move from psuedo-flirting to the full-fledged maxi flirt and leave the fashion show together. Naomi and Ethan are once again self-destructing in the parking lot, and we're trying to care. And last but not least, DDG calls her dealer who passes her some white powder in a bag and invites her to join the "big leagues" -- an exchange that prompts this conversation with our friend:
Us: What is that? Coke or heroine?
Our friend: Probably coke.
Us: Is coke really the big leagues though?
Our friend: Listen to yourself.