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"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" Finale: Cyborg Sex Sucks [VIDEO]

Posted by Olivia Purnell

 

We thought the hot sex scene between John and Cameron would involve . . . .

Hot Sex.

Instead, we got some demented version of second base.

John suspects that Cameron's nuclear power source may have given his mother cancer. Just to be safe, Cam makes him get on top of her and check her system. Sounds kinda hot in theory right? Nope. Not hot. John cuts through her robot skein and jams his hand up under her breast plate to check wheter Cameron's nuclear core is leaking radiation. That's not sexy. It's like a metal mamogram.

 

Ewww. John kinda likes it. Gross.

Another upsetting thing about this finale?  Most of it made little to no sense.  Last episode, Cops caught the uncatchable Sarah Connor by following a former FBI agent (a trained lawman) to a clandestine meeting. This week a priest (with no black ops training) is commissioned by Sarah to get John and his robot girlfrined out of L.A. The good Father is somehow able to deliver messages and produce passports. It's amazing.  They spend most of the hour hemming and hawing over Sarah's cancer, and Cameron's metal boob, and the passports.

Then, then, in the last ten minutes of the episode, after Cameron miraculously breaks Sarah out of jail, loosing half of her robo-face in the process, the Connors head off to their meeting with Shirley Manson's terrifying cyberqueen character Katherine Weaver. But Katherine's a good guy now (maybe?). In a series of nonsensical mindfucks, Shirley shields the Connor crew from a robo plane that flies through her office window (although, the pilot of that plane seems to be inexplicably connected to her). She explains that she's protecting John Henry, the robot baby in the basement, saying that he will eventually save the human race. And she and John follow her robo-baby into the future, a future that has been changed by their actions. Biggest presto-chango? Nobody in the new future knows who the F John Connor is.

We can get behind Shirley being on team Humanity (sort of). We're definitely behind John's new found anonimity. We can even get behind Cameron giving John Henry her chip for the good of homo sapiens everywhere. But why did Shirley allow Cameron hang out with John Henry in the first place? And why would the Cameron/John Henry robot leap into the future? Why not stay in the present at least until Mama Connor, Johnny C, and red headed cyberchief come downstairs?

Bizarre. It's all bizarre.  But at least this guy's back in the picture:

 

Something good had to come out of this mess. The Notorious B.A.G. never lets us down.

 

Previously:

"Terminator: The Sarah Connors Chronicles": SPOILERS!

“Terminator” and “Dollhouse” Might Just Avoid Cancellation

“Dollhouse” Second Time’s The Charm?

Thoughts On “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”

 


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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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