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Boccaccio's Decameron is a fourteenth century collection of one hundred spirited tales, told by a group of nobles taking refuge in a villa. The stories are a panorama of medieval culture and wit, and they are, in turns, raucous, sinister, clever and often, as in the one excerpted below, quite racy (the Middle Ages were more fun than you'd think!). The Decameron is one of the great works of Italian literature and one of the first to tell stories about real people in real situations (often having real sex). But what ties the tales together is not so much this realism as Boccaccio's fabulous sense of the world: in virtually every story some clever trickster takes advantage of his thick or naive dupes. Boccaccio's world is a meritocracy of ingenuity where the creative win at everyone else's expense. Take the following tale (tail?) for example and see what a little imagination can do with an otherwise unpromising situation: -JM
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From Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
(translated by G.H. McWilliam)
Some years ago, in Barletta, there was a priest called Father Gianni di Barolo, who, because he had a poor living and wished to supplement his income, took to carrying goods, with his mare, round the various fairs of Apulia, and to buying and selling. In the course of his travels, he became very friendly with a man called Pietro da Tresanti, who practised the same trade, but with a donkey, and in token of his friendship and affection he always addressed him, in the Apulian fashion, as Neighbor Pietro. And whenever Pietro came to Barletta, Father Gianni always invited him to his church, where he shared his quarters with him and entertained him to the best of his ability.
For his own part, Neighbor Pietro was exceedingly poor and had a tiny little house in Tresanti, hardly big enough to accomodate himself, his donkey, and his beautiful young wife. But whenever Father Gianni turned up in Tresanti, he took him to his house and entertained him there as best he could, in appreciation of the latter's hospitality in Barletta. However, when it came to putting him up for the night, Pietro was unable to do as much for him as he would have liked, because he only had one little bed, in which he and his beautiful wife used to sleep. Father Gianni was therefore obliged to bed down on a heap of straw in the stable, alongside his mare and Pietro's donkey.
Pietro's wife, knowing of the hospitality which the priest accorded to her husband in Barletta, had offered on several occasions, when the priest came to stay with them, to go and sleep with a neighbor of hers, so that the priest could sleep in the bed with her husband. But the priest wouldn't hear of it, and on one occasion he said to her:
'My dear Gemmata, don't trouble your head over me. I am quite all right, because whenever I choose I can transform this mare of mine into a fair young maid and turn in with her. Then when it suits me I turn her back into a mare. And that is why I'd never be without her.'
The young woman was astonished, believed every word of it, and told her husband, adding:
'If he's as good a friend as you say, why don't you get him to teach you the spell, so that you can turn me into a mare and run your business with a mare as well as the donkey? We should earn twice as much money, and when we got home you could turn me back into a woman, as I am now.'
Being more of a simpleton than a sage, Neighbour Pietro believed all this and took her advice to heart; and he began pestering Father Gianni for all he was worth to teach him the secret. Father Gianni did all he could to talk him out of his folly, but without success, and so he said to him:
'Very well, since you insist, tomorrow we shall rise, as usual, before dawn, and I shall show you how it's done. To tell the truth, as you'll see for yourself, the most difficult part of the operation is to fasten on the tail.'
That night, Pietro and Gemmata were looking forward so eagerly to this business that they hardly slept a wink, and as soon as the dawn was approaching, they scrambled out of bed and called Father Gianni, who, having risen in his nightshirt, came to Pietro's tiny bedroom and said:
'I know of no other person in the world, apart from yourself, for whom I would perform this favor, but as you continue to press me, I shall do it. However, if you want it to work, you must do exactly as I tell you.'
They assured him that they would do as he said. So Father Gianni picked up a lantern, handed it to Neighbour Pietro, and said:
'Watch me closely, and memorize carefully what I say. Unless you want to ruin everything, be sure not to utter a word, no matter what you may see or hear. And pray to God that the tail sticks firmly in place.'
Neighbour Pietro took the lantern and assured him he would do as he had said. Then Father Gianni got Gemmata to remove all her clothes and to stand on all fours like a mare, likewise instructing her not to utter a word whatever happened, after which he begun to fondle her face and her head with his hands, saying:
'This be a fine mare's head.'
Then he stroked her hair, saying:
'This be a fine mare's mane.'
And stroking her arms, he said: 'These be fine mare's legs and fine mare's hooves.'
Then he stroked her breasts, which were so round and firm that a certain uninvited guest was roused and stood erect. And he said:
'This be a fine mare's breasts.'
He then did the same to her back, her belly, her rump, her thighs, and her leg: and finally, having nothing left to attend to except the tail, he lifted his shirt, took hold of the tool that he used for planting seeds, and stuck it straight and true in the place made for it, saying:
'And this be a fine mare's tail."
Until this happened, Neighbor Pietro had been closely observing it all in silence, but he took a poor view of this last bit of business, and exclaimed:
'Oh, Father Gianni, no tail! I don't want a tail!'
The vital sap which all plants need to make them grow had already arrived, when Father Gianni, standing back, said:
'Alas! Neighbor Pietro, what have you done? Didn't I tell not to say a word no matter what you saw? The mare was just about to materialize, but now you've ruined everything by opening your mouth, and there's no way of ever making another.'
Now that it was no longer possible to turn the young woman into a mare because of the words that Neighbor Pietro had uttered, she put on her clothes again, feeling all sad and forlorn. Meanwhile her husband prepared to return to his old trade, with no more than a donkey as usual: then he and Father Gianni went off to the fair at Bitonto together, and he never asked the same favor of him again.
