Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Last night we rode with a chatty cab driver who wouldn't stop lecturing us about the importance of good health. Though eight beers and four shots were buzzing in our brains, we realized he wasn't talking to us, he was talking to you through us. Because the universe — and our cabbie — insist that this week is all about your health. The cab driver also kept noting the importance of nibbling on coconuts. So don't neglect yours — or your partners.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Your sign was born when Aphrodite and Eros escaped a terrifying monster by transforming into fish. This week, if you're feeling similar monsters breathing down your neck, take a clue from the gods and jump in. Swim to the deep end. Don't be afraid to wade into your psyche; you might discover that tamed beasts make the best of friends.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
You fiery Aries don't mind ramming your heads against opponents, but this week it's a good idea to avoid confrontation and listen. You know what would make listening easier and more pleasant for you? Mix up a couple of Fireflies (vodka, grapefruit, grenadine) and cozy up to a fireplace. Before the night is over you (and your partner) will feel all fired up and very, very fly. And sometimes not being in charge can be exhilarating. . .
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
You bulls sometimes find that your strong stubborn streak and unwavering loyalty make you feel, well, trapped in relationships. Loosen up this week without violating your moral codes, by dropping everything to embrace your creativity. Whether you're the artist or the model doesn't matter — the finished product will have you both blushing.
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
You twins are curious and charming, like those girls in the drive-ins who wear short skirts and pink roller skates. According to the planets, your love life is about to take on a fresher, more exciting turn: Just like you always suspected, the American dream isn't always about finances. Sometimes it's as close, cheap and tasty as French fries.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
Between the recession and the weather, everyone's nesting at home — and getting a mite grumpy about it. You've barely noticed, as home is your default setting, but Venus and Mars are conspiring to bring the party to you this week. So pad around in socks, slowly eating your gingerbread house down to its green-sugar lawn, but take a shower first! The stars predict an entirely different sort of stimulus package will be delivered to your front door, very soon.
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
So your stock portfolio's in shreds. Take a deep breath, grab your special someone and turn off CNN. Compare the color of the trees to your lover's eyes, and the color of the sunset to their, um, nipples? It doesn't always have to be about greasing the maitre d's palms or hitting the red carpet. This weekend, try greasing other things, right at home. We guarantee you'll still feel like a million bucks.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
The planets predict a bit of travel in your future — but they're hoping you pack lightly. If you're feeling weighed down by baggage, as opposed to luggage, then maybe the journey you need to take isn't spatial. The good news is everyone has baggage. Being kind to yourself makes it all the easier to drop your baggage (and your pants) and discover whole new worlds in someone else's bed.
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
Godard said, "Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world." This week the stars suggest that you peer through the veil and look for truth on the other side. But don't get lost in your lofty thoughts; it's all right to play with the camera, too. Just don't leave your beautiful fraud in a taxi or restaurant: Your star wouldn't appreciate your flick finding its way to the internet.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but that doesn't mean you can't sample an orange — or cherries and banana — now and again. This week the stars want you to remember that variety is the spice of life, and mixing it up could lead to some very juicy treats.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You wouldn't be offended if I called you weird, would you? No, you'd agree with Hunter S. Thompson, who said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." This week, embrace the oddities that pop up in life, and bring your professional game — if not with fishnets, poles and platforms, at least with that trick you learned from your ex.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You've been taking your work home with you, toiling away in the midnight hour while mapping out your financial future. Don't forget: Relationships require work, too. Study curves other than financial losses and trade your vibrating phone for that other vibrating device. It's not earning you any interest, locked away in the top drawer.
