Dear Miss Information,
My dating profile has been active for years. Literally. Guys will hotlist me and look at my profile over and over, but they rarely reply to my emails. My profile name is [redacted]. Any tips? — Noble Sort
Dear Noble Sort,
The transgressions I spotted in your profile are ones I've seen on many an online dating site.
1) You use far! too! many! exclamation! points! in your profile. Enthusiasm is good, but show some grammatical restraint. One or two is acceptable. More than that, and you sound like you doodle unicorns when you're not worshipping Zac Efron and snorting Sudafed.
2) Stop bringing up your family. In your profile, you answer eleven questions. Grandma & co. show up four times. Unless I have an incest fetish, I don't want to be thinking about your kinfolk when I'm taking the first steps toward doing the dirty. It's just not right.
3) Six pictures and I still can't get a good look at your face. Quite an accomplishment. You want to post shots that are both visually interesting and flattering, and there's a way to do that without taking a super-duper close-up under fluorescents. Lock yourself in a room and take shot after shot on your cell phone/digital camera/what have you. Take at least fifty, and I'm sure you'll find one that doesn't make you nauseous.
4) I have a big problem with females who use the word "sassy." It reminds me of Cathy cartoons and chain-email forwards my mother sends me about Coca-Cola dissolving your teeth and Bill Gates giving everyone a C-note. In fact, it's No. 1 of my Unfuckable Five — dealbreaker terms that people use in online personals. Here's the complete list, both male and female editions. If you kids have any of these on your profiles, do a purge right now:
Unfuckable Five: Girls
1. "Sassy"
2. "High-maintenance" — "Hi, I'm a bitch masquerading as a cutesy stereotype!"
3. "Fun-loving" — As opposed to fun-hating. Way to differentiate yourself.
4. "Sweet" — Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Like they told you in English 101, "Show, don't tell."
5. Cat references in user handles — MizSexyKitty, purrfectgirl_76, etc. — This is weird and cloying. Keep it up and I'm going to spay you and make you poop in a box.
Unfuckable Five: Guys
1. "Mr. Right" — No. Don't do it. Just. Don't.
2. "Generous" — You sound like you're either trying to pay someone to go out with you (i.e., hire a hooker) or brag about your money. It's better if you anchor it with something — "Generous with my time" or "Generous with my affection."
3. "Cultured" — If you were, you wouldn't have to say it.
4. "Gentleman" — See "sweet" above.
5. "Bad boy" — Hey, you wouldn't happen to know Ms. Sassy, would you? Just checking. You're either a cheater or someone has a court order against you.
Readers, what are your Unfuckable Five?
Dear Miss Information,
My boyfriend John and I have been together for two years and are very much in love. Recently, John noticed that our friend Tom was acting strangely around him. Lingering looks, a few caresses on his thigh, a tentative game of footsie under the table. After talking it over with me, John finally approached Tom and asked him what was going on. Tom admitted that for the past year he has been considering his own bisexuality, and had somehow been reading their close friendship as potentially sexual. John let him know, gently, that this was not going to happen.
First, what steps should John take to preserve their close friendship? Second, one of my best friends actually thought having a secret affair with my boyfriend was okay. How am I supposed to react? — Now What?
Dear Now What,
Gay, bi, or whatever, exploring one's sexuality isn't a license to act like a skeezer. Tom wasn't exhibiting world-class levels of respect when he hit on your boyfriend. The fact that it happened repeatedly demonstrates premeditation, and is harder to forgive than if he made a pass at John-boy one night when he was sozzled or depressed.
I would forgive him, though. Or at least not yell at him. He's new at this, and it could be that he needs some more time to get it right, to learn the signals, and know what's appropriate. I can tell from your letter that you and your boyfriend really value this friendship, so give it another try and look at the next few months as probation.
The best thing John can do right now is make out with Tom and send me a video. Ideally they'll both be wearing those little colored briefs that look like grown-up Underoos and you'll dub in a little Peaches for the soundtrack. Thaaaaaaaaaanks. The second best thing John can do is go against the instinct to distance himself. It feels good in the short run, but avoidance builds tension and makes everything much weirder than it has to be. John should also ensure he's not doing anything that could be misinterpreted as flirting, and adopt a "No venting to Tom" policy about any couple-related squabbles. When you're attracted to a friend, you'll view such kvetching as a sign that your friend might be interested in leaving his significant other for you. Not entirely unreasonable; it's the way a lot of new couples form. But in this case, it's not, and we don't want Tom to get more confused.
And now, the obvious: if Tom continues unabashedly hitting on John, don't feel like you have to continue being friends out of some sort of respect for his newfound sexual orientation. "We're all sensitive people," sang Marvin Gaye. But that doesn't extend to people hitting on other people's boyfriends. Word.
Have a question? Email . Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.
Commentarium (75 Comments)
Unfuckable Five: Girls
1. Photos of your extended middle finger.
2. Ebonics
3. "I'm not into drama." And, who says they are?
4. Photos of "single" girls kissing other girls as profile pic. If I want you, I don't want to see you kissing someone else first.
5. Americans turning color into colour and favorite into favourite.
Honorable mention: Photos of you in the drivers seat of your car.
Unfuckable five- girls
1. "Nobody really gets me" or similar - if you have trouble getting along with everyone on the planet, chances are everyone else is not the problem
2. "Boys are dumb/boys suck/stupid boys" - If you're trying to meet someone of the opposite sex, starting out with condescending comments isn't very attractive.
3. Bad spelling - if you're capable of using a computer without adult supervision, you should be able to figure out how to spell-check
4. Gratuitous profanity - if "fucking" or worse "fuking" is the only adjective you can think of, conversations will get boring very quickly.
5. Duck Face
Unfuckable five: guys
1. lying about your height. I will ditch you on the first meeting if you do. I can spot it a mile away. Be honest. if you are then at least you still have a chance with me.
2. Bald/receding hairline with a profile pic that conveniently cuts the top of your head out. See above.
3. you are looking for someone with "humor" - please. Who isn't?
4. You aren't a game player. Spare me the bs.
5. You are posing in a party pic flashing some sort of gangster hand signal.
Unfuckable five: girls
1. Fat
2. Fat
3. Fat
4. Fat
5. Republican
girls:
1. overly political, either side of the aisle
2. kids
3. duck face
4. gang signs. especially white girls with gang signs.
5. "lol" following any joke of your own.
Guys:
1. Any picture where you pose as a ''party boy'' - alcohol in hand, etc.
2. ''Gangster'' gear
3. Not being able to spell, if English is your first language
4. Joke answers for every section in your profile - I want to know you're taking this at least somewhat seriously
5. Showing off and overselling yourself.
6. (Honourable mention)Using ''creative'' language to describe the simplest things, making you sound like you're either on drugs or lost in a dreamworld.
Guys:
1. Kids
2. Bragging
3. Staunch liberals and conservatives
4. Kids
5. Jobless. My condolences to those having a hard time, but I'm not carrying anyone's weight.
Guys:
1. Lying about your height.
2. All your photos you have up are of you facing the camera all at the same angle.
3. Lack of grammar.
4. Saying that you're just "looking around." BS!
5. Using outdated photos that are of you five years ago.
Unfuckable five: girls
1. Religious
2. Dog in your photos or reference to your dog or cat in profile. I love animals and especially dogs but not if he is your kid or best mate....and don't talk to him like a person until I know you are not mad. Which may take awhile.
3. Don't say you like to take things slowly. If you do 'then just take them slowly' I will not assume you want to go fast if you forget to add this!
4. Don't put slender if you are 'a few extra pounds' some of us like girls of all sizes but not if you lie about it.
5. Republican
Unfuckable five: girls
1. Any that use "69" or "cunt" in their profile name.
2. Listing anything by David Sedaris in your profile anywhere.
3. Any mention of REO Speedwagon, Hall & Oates or Nickelback in your profile.
4. Bitching about the types of guys who have fucked you over in your profile. I don't want to have to think about other dudes fucking you and then treating you like shit.
5. That girl that used to be on Hooksexup whose entire Hooksexup profile consisted of "I'm looking for hairy Jewish apes. You know who you are." Why the fuck did Hooksexup always try to fucking match me up with that girl?
Girls:
1. Photos with MySpace angles. Photography is truth; please don't lie to me before I've met you.
2. Indecision. Yeah, you're happy to do everything. But this tells me nothing.
3. Insanely detailed list of must-haves. Good luck finding someone if you're not willing to compromise.
4. Obsessed with television. Is it entertainment or escapism?
5. You don't read Hooksexup.
girls:
1. using the word "classy"
2. using the phrase "down to earth"
3. having men in all your photos
Guys:
1) Describes themselves as 'husky'
2) Bitterness/Defensiveness towards dating/women
3) Overt descriptions of how romantic they are and how they like to pamper women (i like romance but going into great detail about it feels like too much pressure before meeting someone)
4) Puts too much weight in their profile on money, jobs and expensive things, makes me think they're too materialistic
5) Religion
1. “A strong woman” – Same as ‘a Real Man,’ or ‘a ninja,’ if you say you are, proves you aren’t.
2. ‘The total package’
3. ‘I tell it like it is’ = “I ignore conventions most of us learned at Mother’s knee around age 10 about basic politeness, while I almost never speak truth to power if it would cost me personally.
4. Reference to ‘giving this online dating thing one last try.’ Mighty big of you to condescend to deal with me, really.
5. Variations of ‘all the guys I’ve previously dealt with did not treat me well.’ Here’s predicting that you’ll choose more of the same.
Guys:
1) form letters, or introductory emails that display that you haven't read anything in my profile
2) outdated photos
3) "I enjoy going out on the town but also like quiet nights in." Just like everybody else.
4) "No drama please" - If all your exes are drama queens, what does that tell me about you?
5) Inabillity to spel.
Guys:
1. Poor spelling/grammar. This includes cutesy deliberate misspellings and ebonics.
2. References to your libido or sexual prowess. Clearly, we all like to have sex, otherwise we wouldn't be on dating sites. It's unspoken; there's no need to be a skeeze about it.
3. Any mention of how sensitive you are or how much you like to cuddle. Please stop pretending you aren't trying to get laid!
4. Photos that include a kissy face or abs. The only way it's ok to show a photo of your abs is if it's in context, such as a shot of you playing beach volleyball or surfing.
5. Bitterness towards women and dating. Please don't go on about how you're the "nice" guy who always gets stuck in the "friend zone" while women "fall for assholes." Women know that this is code for "I'm a whiney douchebag."
Anyone whose profile contains the phrase 'work hard, play hard' -- this is really the ultimate symptom of douchbaggery for either sex.
Girls:
LOL LOL LOL LOL
'foodies'
'partners in crime'
strategically lying about their age to show up in searches - but coming clean right away.
fat fat fatty fat fat - don't show me pix from when you were adorable, then binged on ben and jerry's after that last breakup.
I don't lie about height, weight, age, hair, blah blah blah - you shouldn't either!
Female:
A focus on hygienics/flossing (this gets mentioned a lot). Not my fault you dated gross slobs in the past.
Women:
1) Claims to be seeking "generous" man -- this means, "I prostitute myself for expensive dinners and gifts."
2) Owning a dog -- my social life will not revolve around the eating and excreting schedule of some animal.
3) Listing The Da Vinci Code as the "last great book you read" -- if you don't understand why, you never will.
4) "Fun" -- you've just put the "fun" in "fungible."
5) Religious or Vegetarian -- nothing wrong with it; it's just that I'm not, and I don't want to deal with the hassles I know come with both.
Bonus: Anyone who writes less than three sentences in the "more about who I am," or "more about whom I'm looking for" sections. This is your big, free-writing chance to connect. If you have that little to say now, how are we going to sustain any kind of conversation?
A positive suggestion: Show, don't tell. Don't *tell* me that you are funny/well-read/smart/clever, etc. *Show* me you are these things with good stories, lists, anything that is actually funny/smart/clever itself.
Unfuckable five- Guys:
Knows how to treat a lady... Gimme a break.
Lists extensive knowledge of any one subject in his profile repeatedly (read here: pedantic)
Separated or Married. Sorry. If I wanted to fuck a married man, there are enough of those around that I don't need to troll the Internet for them...
ANY reference to being "the nice guy who is tired of finishing last," or similar prose. Bitter much?
Anyone who purposely excludes a personality type or category on their profiles: examples I have seen include racist comments, religious put-downs, and ProfRobert above.
To be clear, I'm not suggesting that anyone should post a list of things they don't want -- that looks extremely negative. Back when I had a profile, it made clear that I wasn't religious and loved red meat; it didn't say "no fundies or vegans need apply." (Admittedly, it did say, "Untreated personality disorders are disfavored," but I was going for the laugh there.)
I also should say that there are times when you should throw your rules out the window if the person seems interesting and worthwhile to meet. Three years ago, I saw a Hooksexup profile that said, among other things "some college," "separated" and "no kids -- happy with what I have," three things that were high on the list of "not what I'm looking for," but she had Hotlisted me, which was flattering, was a journalist, had traveled and seemed interesting (and physically attractive -- hey, I'm only human). So I wrote back.
I need to leave to leave the office soon so I can help her with our baby boy's bedtime routine. So you never, ever know.
Girls
1) "I love a big night out with the girls but also love to snuggle on the couch with DVDs and that special someone". You can go out OR stay in?? Does your diversity know no bounds??
2) Any mention of the word 'crazy' or 'being up for anything'. If you don't have a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental disorder or are willing to drink human blood whilst singing 'the star-spangled banner' then you are neither crazy or 'up for anything'.
3) Any photos with that horrible caked-on orange jaw-line makeup mark; screams low self-esteem and bad cosmetic choice.
4) Girls that refuse to go out with anyone younger than them by six months, but will list men 20 years their senior as possible candidates
5) Anyone in HR, PR or is a PA.
Thanks ProfRobert-- and I actually like the untreated personality disorders line... :o) Congrats on your wonderful addition to your family-
For Guys:
1. Having a picture of you with your pet, kids, or another woman as your profile pic.
2. Saying you are looking for a "lady"
3. Mentioning you are romantic or sensual.
4. Talking about how much many you make.
5. Poor punctuation, spelling, grammar and capitalization!
These comments are really interesting. Here are my five for guys:
1. Calling yourself a "nice guy"
2. Saying you're spontaneous
3. Your favorite book is by Dan Brown
4. Poor grammar, spelling, etc.
5. Writing at length about how important your partner's physical fitness is to you, especially if the rest of your profile is sparse.
I'm bummed to see that being religious is a dealbreaker for so many people. My religion is important to me and it would be misleading of me to leave it off my profile (it just says "Christian," not "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior"). But my religion is also very personal to me and most people who aren't good friends have no clue I'm religious. Religion isn't a dealbreaker for me- mostly I've dated atheists. Now I'm worried that the liberal guys I'm into are reading my profile and checking out when they see I'm a Christian. Thoughts?
For the record, my wife used the word "sassy" in her profile. But she, was, we did, and we now have a baby girl. You got it, flaunt it.
Apparently, since I have a kid, I'm never having sex again. At least I got that one time in!
But seriously, it's interesting to see exactly what is a dealbreaker for a lot of people. It's nice to see that, between the Dan Brown novels and the spelling, a lack of respect for the written word seems to be a universal turn-off.
Girls:
1. Religion. Sorry to the woman above who worries about this, but anyone who feels strongly enough about it to label themselves a magic space zombie jew eater - er, Christian - well, it's a dealbreaker. I don't believe in skyfairies and I'm not interested in being with someone who does.
2. Bad spelling. Best demonstrated by spelling it "definately".
3. Smoker. And, to be sure, a "light smoker" is a "smoker". There are smokers and there are non-smokers; this is a black and white issue.
4. Anyone looking for any variant of "knows how to treat a lady". This is one of those reverse filters: it says much more about the woman posting it than it will act to keep out men who don't, apparently, know how to treat a lady...
5. Yes, I swear, even before I read Erin's piece, using the word "sassy". In fact, I'm not sure what sure what is more obnoxious, an person who is *actually* sassy, or the use of the word as a self-descriptor.
Couple other points: "good sense of humour" is not the same as "funny", as one can have the former without being the latter. And don't be misleading about looks - especially *weight*, because at the end of the day, the whole point of the exercise is to meet face-to-face. Nothing worse than a first impression being a letdown because the person was obviously using their pictures to hide that huge caboose.
I'd skip a profile if it stated that the person was a christian. Just, NO. No thank you.
Advice- take more than one photo. Everyone has photos of themselves, post them. Dont post only group shots, if your friends look hotter I will want them, not you. Also DO NOT POST UNFLATTERING SHOTS! I have come across so many guy's profiles where all the pictures look like they were taken when the guy was unaware. You standing with a dumbass expression on your face, looking elsewhere, or worse, shocked, is not going to make me want to get to know you better.
Having just spent a month on the lamest dating site in the world--Chemistry.com, in case you're wondering--I'd like to second all the comments on men and add a few:
1.Lying about your age isn't going to fool me, especially when your picture makes you look at least ten years older than you say you are.
2. If you use the terms "girl," "gal," "lady," or "gentleman," I'm out of here.
3. You have a Master's degree? Then why can't you spell or write a grammatically correct sentence?
4. When you're paunchy and overweight, don't describe your build as "athletic."
5. Reading the daily paper doesn't count as "last book read."
6. If your hobbies are watching sports on TV and playing cards, consider yourself unlayable.
Unfuckable five in anyone:
Well-travelled: generally people say that to make them seem interesting, when in fact they are going to bore the ass off you with travelling anecdotes.
Up for a good time: says shallow to me. It is also a disclaimer for carelessness in regard to others' feelings.
Deep: who the hell says they are 'deep'? Again trying to sound interesting.
Kooky: Aaaaagh.
Loves life: ridiculous and crass. Most normal people enjoy periods of happiness interspersed with periods of dreariness.
Exclamation marks: rarely justifiable.
I am aware this makes me sound like Ebeneezer Scrooge. I just don't like dramatic declarations.
hahahaha this is the reason I have never ever done online dating.
Five for men:
Long lists of every movie you've ever seen or every stupid band you like. Broad strokes, guys. Please don't include a catalog to display your nuanced taste in electronica and 80's metal.
Living life to the fullest -- ugh, can you not come up with a slightly original phrase or is your whole existence made up of cliches? Next you'll tell me you love to laugh, which is unfortunate because I hate it.
Pictures of you posing with a dead fish -- I know we live in Florida but come on. This times 80 billion if you're posing with a dead animal or a hunting rifle.
A picture plus a blank profile -- OK you look good but it might be helpful to actually know something about you.
Guys who cannot seem to muster the creativity to fill in the "about me" section with anything -- yes I know you're a special, sparkly snowflake who could not possibly sum up his magnificence in a measly 500 words like the rest of us mortals but you could at least think of something clever to say which might indicate that you have a brain and a personality beyond that of stale bread.
I don't worry so much about getting hung up on the religion issue. The way I see it, you don't want to date the people who immediately discount you for that anyway. Ranting about Dawkins or calling an entire group idiots is bad or worse than identifying as crazy liberal or republican in my opinion. Sometimes it can be good to immediately be checked off someones list; saves time and trouble.
Girls:
1. username that includes "pooh," "boo," or "bear."
2. Pictures with mortar boards
3. "don't like games" means "I will interpret everything you do as a game."
4. vegan
5. Being religious isn't necessarily a dealbreaker if you just checked a box, but if it's important enough to elaborate elsewhere, I'm the wrong person.
And just let me say, there seems to be an inordinate number of psychologists/counselors/social workers online dating and I don't think this is a coincidence.
An ad just appeared in the featured personals box:
worldlygirly
If I could be anywhere at the moment: "Backpacking through India, buying textiles and jewelry and enjoying meals with locals."
Nothing more to say.
Steph: ''5) Anyone in HR, PR or is a PA.''
Huh, why?
For Guys:
1) A username that includes "4U". That says really unoriginal and poor taste.
2) A picture taken in the mirror that shows you holding your phone/camera. Need I say more?
3) Profile names that include any reference to your sexual prowess/anatomy/etc.
4) A man looking for a woman who is "allergic to drama" or who describes himself as "drama free". What that actually means is: "I don't yet understand that conflict is a natural, normal part of life, and I'll flip out at the first sign of it." Put in another way: if you, in reality, are a person who does know how to handle conflicts, problems, and disagreements in a healthy and mature way, you would know better than to use the phrase "drama free."
5) Spelling errors.
Yes, I know that some of these are repeats, but you did ask.
People, regardless of gender:
"Loyal!" - I'm looking for a companion, but not a doggy one.
Photos of you smoking or drinking
Text speak
Anything along the lines of "How can I possibly describe myself in this little box?"
Claiming you're single but showing no photo "because of my work situation." Yeah. Right. Man up.
Regarding the issue on religion. What is worse, is when people leave it blank. A person is ought to have some beliefs.
Long movie/music/books lists are fine, as long as those cover diverse areas. I won't date you if you only read books on the subject of Scandinavian mountain formation.
I have to say, religion is a touchy subject for me, too-- I have my beliefs, but if your faith and prayer is really a part of your life that you want to share regularly with your partner, in terms of church attendance or group prayer, I am not that person.
I don't think the check box is a deal-breaker, in terms of my perusal in the past of dating profiles- but definitely note any elaboration. I agree with the poster who said that if your religion is very important, it is probably best to be dismissed by someone who doesn't want that up front.
Online dating is suck city. I have spoken with 1000 women about this method of bullshit dating for 10 years. I can say this, because i'm a seasoned hairsylist and I've been around. Most of my clients that have tried on-line are terrific, but it's the men who troll the personals that are sub-prime. Not all, many expections, but why not meet someone thru someone, or just go out and play? A guy has to be a smooth writer to get anywhere on the internet, or the women won't bite. Real men know this is goofy and real men go out into the world and get a date by flirting and by getting turned down, and also getting lucky. but what do I know? I met my man thru a co-worker but the internet held my attention for a brief while. I thought it sucked. Oh, i already said that. I could be wrong. But if a man really wants a relationship, he will go and get one. Not dick around the computer looking for some action. It's icky.
I haven't done any actual internet dating, but I have casually perused the ads. For guys:
1. Asking why women don't like "nice guys." This means that a) you're not actually nice; and b) you blame your problems on women.
2) Use of emoticons or any kind of internet abbreviation like "lol" or "ppl."
3) References to sex. If you wouldn't say it to a strange woman you're trying to pick up in a coffee shop, don't put it on your profile.
4) Saying you love to cuddle. See (3), it just sounds weird and creepy.
5) Lying about your height/weight. All my girlfriends who've gone on internet dates have experience this. If you think once she meets you she'll be so bowled over by your incredible personality that she fails to notice you're three inches shorter and 30 pounds heavier than she expected, you're wrong.
Man, this just reminded me why I've never been able to bring myself to actually plunge into this world.
This column also reminds me of one a personal ad I saw once in a Vermont newspaper (back when personals used to be in print) that read something along the lines of "I'm looking for an intelligent, sensitive, stable man who is 5'10"."
Why 5'10"? I'll never know, but I think being that specific is recipe for failure, for sure.
There is trying to dress up your profile by not making certain mistakes, and there is lying. Some of these are good advice regarding easy traps to fall into and the impressions they provide. But, if religion/smoking/your dog is the most important thing in your life, you should mention it in your profile. If that makes certain people not want to date you, that is a success for the medium. If something is that important to you, you should only want to spend time with someone who values it.
Yes, avoid some of the phrases that communicate poorly, especially the chat speak, but continue to talk about what is important to you even though it may limit the responses just to those who agree with your values.
I think twist gets it right.
Sure, there are things that you put in your profile that might make you "unfuckable" to some (eg. religion). But that doesn't mean not to include them. It is *important* to filter out the unfuckables at the profile level, rather than wasting time getting to know each other, meeting in person and only then realizing you are entirely incompatible.
People who fudge on certain things (eg. smoking, weight/height, etc) in their profile are under the mistaken impression that this is ok, because if only you meet them in person their charms and wiles will win them over...and all I can think is that the other person's very first impression is "wow - in addition to having qualities I'm *not* looking for, you're also a big fat liar". Naturally, there are some things that don't need to be expressed in a profile (but which sometimes are!), like that time in 2nd year university when you had a bit of a breakdown, but, yeah, the obvious things should be left in so as to let the medium be a proper filter.
I agree with twist. For those of you saying that at least one of your top 5 dealbreakers is vegan and/or kids: I don't see how one would hide that or even want to. It's certainly going to come up sometime. Same with the religion thing: it may be a personal turn-off to you but it's not something you want someone hiding from you. Better to be upfront about these things and let the others pass you up than lie about it. I successfully met my mate on an online dating site and she knew up front that I had a child and wasn't going to be eating steak around her. I know it sounds cliche, but being yourself and not saying what you think others want to hear (or what others are writing) like loving cuddling, drama-free, etc. will get you a lot more accurate responses and you'll have a better experience.
For Men
1. The words "likes to cuddle or snuggle." Too damn cute and makes me feel like my five year old wrote it.
2. Will only date women younger than self. (And puts down doesn't want kids - what does the younger matter if you aren't worried about fertility.)
3. Won't date anyone with kids. (But that's only because I have one - it's a fine thing for others.)
4. Claims to not be into games and states that he is looking for women that are not into games. (Sounds ignorant and very young. I mean, who is looking for someone who want to fuck you over?)
5. Answers all questions with jokes or says almost nothing in profile.
6: LIES ABOUT HEIGHT!
It seems that everybody here knows how to present themselves online... How come there are little success???
@vladimir
Just because everyone knows what not to present on the online profile,that does not mean that people actually know what to put out there. Unfortunately, with the online dating, people are more prone to treat others as disposable dates. There is no ethics in the dating scene in the large city; for online dating, it is even more so.
I think there's tons of success actually...
Guys:
1. Any picture of you holding anything that is dead -- fish, deer, dog -- unless, of course, you are looking for a woman who also likes to hold dead things.
2. Using all caps in your profile as there is never any reason to scream at a potential date/mate.
3. Typos. How difficult is it to proof read your profile before hitting the 'submit' button?
4. Your posted pictures are from high school, cut me a break.
5. Men in their late 40s who only want to date women in their 20s & 30s. Good luck with that.
We gave up on online dating a long time ago. Reasons?
1. People posting photos from the distant past.
2.We found men and women with kids often equals an unending hell from the bitter ex-spouse.
3. No realtors please of either sex.
4. people who are great on the first date and then call you in the middle of the night saying the there are listening devices being moved around in the apartment above them.
Any confession of a social disease.
Democrats, those confessing to be born again or having undergone some sort of transformation.
Women with too many dogs.
Ageism.
By the way Allison there are millions who hunt and fish and there are some corkers in the bunch. That's your personal taste.
"Free your mind and your ass will follow" - George Clinton.
Oh, Allison, I agree with you that posting "trophy" photos is gauche. Even though we hunt and fish we keep such snaps in an album that chronicles our trip.
Other turn-off. Pictures of you and the group. Do we get our pick? Reminds me of the Housewives of NJ or that Guidos at the Jersey Shore show. Very declasse'.
The word 'wickedly'.
People that claim their occupation is writer but can't seem to write. People that brag about their sense of humor but aren't funny.
But, I'm a guy. So any woman is potentially fuckable. Even the ones that are wickedly funny.
LOL! ... wish I had time to read the whole thread. Too funny.
I wish this thread never ends! It's been so entertaining every time I have a free moment :)
I only have one that sent me running away from a woman's profile back in the day:
"I'm looking for someone who can keep up with me."
What does that even mean? Is this woman sprinting from place to place?
Really? Is your life THAT fast-paced and high-flying?
Girls (some could apply to guys):
1) "As comfortable in an evening gown as I am in blue jeans." No. No you are not. A corollary to "Fit in anywhwere I go". The two people I met who honestly believed that about themselves, were oblivious jackasses everywhere they went.
2) Books: Rand, Sedaris, Brown, Augustin Burroughs, The Celestine Whatever, or not listing any books at all.
3) Music: Nickleback, Coldplay, Creed.
4) "Partners in crime"
5) user name ends with "4U"
6) "Friend of Lynda at 12:52"
unfuckable guys:
1) men who have cats - seriously. unless it belongs to your grandma who is in the hospital, your baby sister who is away for a year long trek across africa, or your your ex-wife (not separated, not estranged, EX on paper) who abandoned the cat, it's just creepy.
2) republicans - misogynistic much?
3) men who say "i am a creative." - in LA this means you're an ad guy who can't make a simple decision (i.e., the cat stays indoors or outdoors during the 1.5 hours we'll be gone for brunch) to save his life or your'e a whore.
4) men who say "like," "um," or "and then" between every other word in their sentences. it does not demonstrate that you are thoughtful or pensive; it demonstrates you are retarded and cannot form a logical or a coherent thought pattern or articulate them.
5) lieing about age, height, weight. #5 includes inaccurate descriptions of self by using "athletic." when? 1995? that does not count.
Top 5 For Men:
1. All photos are wearing hats or cut off the top of your head. The problem isn't that you're bald, the problem is that you obviously want to hide the fact that you're bald which means you have self image issues. (Also, the problem is a little bit that you're bald.)
2. Bragging about how wild or brash or impulsive or unconventional you are, advising women not to contact you because you're bad news, talking about how my mother wouldn't approve. You're right, she wouldn't, but not because you're "bad," because you're obviously pretentious, self-impressed and cheesy.
3. Guys who self identify as "husky" "average" or "a few extra pounds" only looking for "slender" or "athletic" women. Along the same lines, men who are looking for women ranging from significantly younger to just slightly younger than themselves. If you're 35 and you're looking to date women 22-32, I'm not interested.
4. Unclear photos. I'm not here to find new penpals, I'm here to find someone I might be attracted to. I don't know if I could be attracted to you unless I know what you look like. No photo? Vague Photo? Photos of like your eyeball and half of a cheekbone? I have to assume that you're hideous.
5. Telling me what "your friends would say" about you. I can learn a lot more about who you are by reading what you think about anything, than by reading a sentence that begins "my friends say I am..."
I love how users liking books by Dan Brown are here often defined as unfuckable - but then, how come there are so many out there??
Most of the things I would say have already been said, except for when a guy calls himself "simple" or a "country boy." I AM in Texas, so I guess it's hard to get away from that...
Awww, I think "Mr. Right" works if you're being ironic.!
Of course I may have a biased opinion...
: )
6) Initial emails that read like they could be form letters. If I don't see something in your message that indicates you've done more than just look at my picture, it gets deleted.
7) Badmouthing previous boyfriends, men in general, or just about anyone else. If you can't avoid negativity on your profile, I can only imagine what the first date's gonna be like.
Unfuckable top 5 (guys)
1. Your photos have faces of other girls with their faces blotted up or covered with a giant gold star/
2. You publish your income. I know this is an option on most sites, but it's so tacky.
3. You clearly cut/pasted your profile from another dating site into this one. How many of these are you trolling?
4. You call yourself a "serial dater". Serial Dater = Slut to a girl.
5. You appear to be the most perfect person ever and apparently have no faults. How could I compete with that?
Why is David Sedaris a no-no? Because he's funny? Because he's gay? He's not my favorite author, but I enjoy his books. Maybe there is some kind of Sedaris backlash that I'm unaware of. Having read through all of this thread, I am very glad to say that I haven't committed many of these transgressions in my profile. I did mention Sedaris, and I do have a kid, but my spelling is great!
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
lUCgvP Of course, I understand a little about this post but will try cope with it...
4sGkDN Hello! Read the pages not for the first day. Yes, the connection speed is not good. How can I subscribe? I would like to read you in the future...