Patti Feinstein, 44
www.pattifeinstein.com
What are your thoughts about sex on the first date?
Let chemistry be your guide. All of the manuals will say, "He'll think you're easy." Maybe you are. But there is such a thing as a woman looking for sex, and sometimes it's those situations — the unexpected ones — that do, in fact, become relationships.
Should you trust first impressions of a person, or delay judgment?
Wait. You never really know a person until you actually live with them day to day.
What's the best way to ask someone about their sexual history?
When you're in bed with them and you don't want to give them a physical examination, take a quick look for open sores and then just ask. Make sure he's not over-the-top turned on when you do, though — men lie when they want to get laid. So do women.
I've been seeing this guy online for a while. We want to have cybersex. Any tips for an enjoyable first time?
Read some erotica to learn verbs that turn men on. Not dirty words but descriptive words, like, "My red nails are softly running over my tight abdominals."
How can I be honest without being off-putting when I'm posting an online personal ad?
Honesty is always the best policy unless you're saying that you just had your eggs frozen and you're looking for a donor — some things are better left unsaid.
I've been dating two guys at the same time. Neither knows about the other. Is this ethical?
Juggling is hard to do. That's why it's for circus performers, not for daters.
Commentarium (14 Comments)
"My red nails are slowly running over my tight abdominals." Are you fucking kidding me?!?!
"all jerky like nervous poodles"...? he sounds like a real charmer himself.
Jesus fucking christ!
The one time you have on somebody my age to give advice and you have *these* walking boneyards?
Here's some advice:
1) It doesn't matter how many times you date or who you've dated before. Every time you start dating someone it's from Square One.
2) If you're in your mid-40's and still need advice? It. Ain't. Happening. Pray for reincarnation.
3) Everyone lies. Everyone. And you're going to get hurt. Deal with it or drink heavilly.
4) And the people who put out? They are insane.
Selah.
how come the women were the only ones who answered the "sex on the first date" question? I wanted to hear what the men had to say about that one.
I enjoyed the feedback far more than the column this week.
I've found that if I don't have sex on the first date I never get to the second date. It seems natural to me. We have sex because we hit it off well. If we hit it off well we see each other again. One of the advice people said these people live "shallow lives." I am quite confident I do not live a shallow life.
Also, I have to concur, that e-sex thing was going great with the painted nails until it stopped at the abs. Huh? Is their day job a personal trainer?
Since I am 60 and a San Diegan, I thought coaches Katherin Scott and Patti Feinstein made the most sense for me. I have dated quite often and after two marriages and two divorces, I have finally met a great woman in an area bulging with attractive available women. That initial meeting was "Bam"--chemistry at work. But emotional and mental maturity must be part of it. She is very attractive, slim and blessed with great skin, hands and legs. Minimal makeup, poised, great posture and a sense of humor. A womanly voice, not the little girl voice so many women seem to hold on to. How singles can rave about online dating is beyond me; the first five minutes are so crucial to any further relationship. Woman have told me that they know within a few minutes whether a man will ever see them naked. Is this not true? I can pass for a healthy 50 as I am slim, well built, and have been told I resemble a cross between Michael Douglas and Robin Williams. I am a non smoker, drink little and use no meds or street drugs. Thanks for the column.
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