Darlene, 73

Sleeping with someone young enough to be your grandchild: good idea or bad idea?
I can’t even imagine it! As a high-school English teacher, I observed several teachers, both male and female, who were ephebophiles. These adults who used their platforms as a means to seduce teenage youth were perhaps emotionally damaged themselves. Teenagers should have concerns and interests other than sex (particularly with an adult) to move them through those turbulent years. Sexual activity by teenagers leaves life-long indelible scars — even with people their own age — multiply that by several hundred when they are “used” and “abused” by an adult.

What sexual insights do you have now that you didn't have when you were in your twenties?
In your twenties and thirties, hormones are in high gear. Diminishing sex drive paves the way for other interests and pursuits. My husband is eighty-five; I am seventy-three and thanks to testosterone shots and Viagra we maintain an active sex life. Massage, sensual touching and affection are an important part of our personal life. There are some who cling to a view of themselves, their bodies and sexual abilities long after these have shifted into another gear. Perhaps their brains failed to keep pace with their diminishing abilities or perhaps their development was truncated or they are in denial.

Who’s better in bed: younger men or older men?
Younger.

My long-term boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore. It might be because he works all the time. How can I rev things up in bed?
My first husband was great in bed when he got around to it — which was about once a month. Since every couple has a totally different issue, no one suggestion is going to work. Couples therapy would be beneficial if you can get him to go. (Men shy away from therapy.)

What qualities should a women look for in a man? And vice-versa?
My husband and I both have high intellectual curiosity, so that is a major part of our attraction for one another. We are also both very social and have a great number of friends, his, mine, and ours. To answer your question, common interests, similar temperament and similar education and lifestyles.

How much about a person's sexual past should they reveal to their current partner?
Certainly any possibility of STDs needs to be shared. Otherwise, the past is the past and intimacy is a private matter between the two people involved. Privacy needs to be respected even if it is long past. This is a third marriage for both my husband and me. We have never discussed the intimacy that was part of our other relationships.

What is a sure-fire dealbreaker in a relationship?
Criticism, sarcasm, put-downs, an unequal view of money, interests and social life are relationship killers.