Dan, 25, Long Beach NY

Why is a political rally a good place to meet sexy singles?
Mainly because they’re obviously passionate about the politics, so one would naturally assume they’re passionate all over.

According to cable news, conservatives are closeted homosexuals and liberals are amoral sluts. What would you say are the moderates’ sexual vices?
Probably pornography addiction. More importantly, an indiscriminate pornography addiction. Like it doesn’t really matter what’s happening as long as it’s sexual in nature and on a screen, they’re really, really into it. I mean there’s a lot on the internet, and they’re into [whispers] all of it, you know?

What does a protest sign tell you about a person as a lover?
They really want to show you that they’re really into it. And enthusiasm counts, but at the end of the day there’s a natural talent that’s needed. They’ve obviously got a point they really want to drive home, and if that’s not something you’re into, there might be a bit of a conflict.

What makes for better sex: restoring sanity or keeping fear alive?
I’ll go with keeping fear alive. I mean, it’s just more fun that way. No one ever goes, “Man, oh boy, I totally didn't go crazy in the bedroom last night. That was awesome!” Keeping fear alive is exactly what safe words were invented for!

My girlfriend of six months invited me to her parents’ for Thanksgiving. I’m an unapologetic socialist and her dad watches Fox News twenty-four-seven. How do we survive the weekend together?
By avoiding politics as a topic altogether and/or lying.

My partner’s Foursquare shows that she’s been to a lot of diners and cafes in her ex’s neighborhood lately. Do I confront her or lie about it and pretend to know nothing?
I question why you’re checking up on your girlfriend’s Foursquare that much, but I would make it come up fluidly in conversation and then say “What are you doing in that area a whole bunch?” Still, that just seems weird of you. She’s checking in to these places, but as long as she’s not, like, checking in to her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, I'd say you can’t get mad at someone for hanging out in a particular neighborhood.

If the Glenn Beck was a sex act, what would it be?
Something I dare not say! I’m pretty sure there’d be a goat involved. [stretches out collar like Rodney Dangerfield] Yeee...

Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I flirt and don't bring up the fact that I have a girlfriend. I'll let it go as far as possible without cheating. Is this wrong?
No! I mean, if you don’t do anything, you’re not doing anything. That’s generally the rule I go by, because what’s the difference between friendly casual and flirty? It’s a very thin line. A blurry line. If you’re being friendly, it’s not your fault if someone decides they want to touch your privates.

My last boyfriend had a signature move that I really want my new boyfriend to try. How do I tell him?
In the throes of passion. Usually with dirty language in a very demanding tone. Just outright, “Right there, just like that, uh-huh.”

I'm a forty-two-year-old woman dating a twenty-year-old man. None of my friends understand it, but our connection is real. Are we bound for disaster?
As a guy who’s frequently interested in older women, I completely understand, and if it doesn’t work out feel free to give me a call!

It's a long, lonely ride back home on the crowded public bus. How do I spot that special someone to keep me company?
Follow your nose! Avoid pee smells.