Art, 36
What’s the best thing about dating a Mormon?
The lifestyle. That is if you’re a non-smoker, non-drinker, love country music (a lot of Rascal Flatts), are a Republican, and don’t mind watching Disney movies. As far as dates go, forget about kissing and making out, lest you be tempted to take things a little further. Just be prepared to completely indoctrinate yourself into the religion. If your sole purpose in life is to get married and have a pile of kids (five is about average), go for it.
Why are Mormons better in bed?
Interesting question, since Mormons typically only have sex for procreation. Now, if you’re in the fundamentalist polygamy branch, sex is a woman’s most powerful weapon. If she wants any say at all with the other sister wives, her only power comes through sex, so she better be damned good at it. But as far as dating a Mormon and expecting sex, forget about it. You'll be lucky enough to get any alone time with the girl, since the two of you might be tempted by Satan to mack on each other.
While together my girlfriend and I took lots of sexy pictures and even made a video or two. Now that we’ve broken up, I don’t want to part with these sexy mementos. Is it creepy to keep looking at naked pictures of my ex?
Everyone pretty much knows that religion and pornography go to together like gay and Republican. As a Mormon, the correct response would be that you might want to examine your obsession with pornography. But it’s probably no big deal.
I’m totally broke, and my lease is up in three weeks. My boyfriend of four months, who’s got plenty of money, suggested that I move in with him. Would it be wrong to accept his offer?
Chemically speaking, you’re still in the honeymoon phase and your brain is firing off all these feel-good endorphins. It takes about a year to really see the person for who they truly are. Now, if you want to speed up that process, then moving in with this person will certainly do that. But you should really think about it. Talk to your partner openly and honestly about your concerns. If you two are on the same level with each other about your goals and dreams, then there is no reason to wait. If it’s meant to be, it's meant to be. A leap of faith might be exactly what you need to take.
What’s worse: physical or emotional cheating?
Emotional cheating? “Emotional cheating” seems like something you make up in your mind and then blame your confused partner for. Physical cheating, on the other hand, is pretty clear. And it makes you an insensitive prick.
My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Should it bother me that they get lunch a few times a month?
Only if you don’t trust him. If it bothers you, then there are some trust issues you need to deal with. Have you been cheated on by an ex-boyfriend? It’s best to get to the core of what is bothering you, examine it, analyze it to death, and then talk to your partner about it.
This cute guy asked me out, and we really hit it off. On the second date he revealed that he has a girlfriend and is in an open relationship. I’m confused. I really like him and I’m wondering if my jealousy over his girlfriend is irrational or justified.
You need to ask this guy what his intentions are. From the Mormon perspective, polygamy is a required covenant in the afterlife. So, you might have found yourself dating a fundamentalist Mormon, which is only really super fabulous for the guy. Your feelings of jealousy are completely rational, normal, and human.
I was raised in a very religious household, and even though I’m no longer involved in that faith, I still have feelings of guilt after having sex. Am I doomed to feel bad about sex, or is there someway to escape my upbringing?
I could write a book on this one. The short answer is you can always escape your upbringing — and it’s necessary to escape it in order to grow and learn and be part of the natural cycle of life. But it takes a lot of work. If you’re a Mormon or, say, Jehovah’s Witness, you may need to completely separate yourself from your parents in order to do what’s best for you as a person.
I’m a woman and I’m going to meet my girlfriend’s family this weekend. I know they’re not very accepting of her sexuality so I’m very nervous. How do I brave this weekend? Should I avoid holding her hand and other PDAs?
As far as they're concerned, you’re going to hell anyway, so you might as well fuck her brains out right there at the dinner table.
Commentarium (47 Comments)
Bless you, Art. Spectacular advice, loved it.
I concur! What a great guy!
No kidding! I think we need to get him back on Talking to Strangers and get more on his back story. It seems like he's seen it all and calls it like he sees it.
Hot stuff, terrible advice.
There are practicing Mormons?
oops! I mean THESE, not there....as in are these advice-givers actually practicing Mormons?
asd 2001
Dating a mormon sounds like hell on fucking Earth.
Technically, it sounds like hell on a NON-fucking Earth. Which sounds horrible.
So, I'm thinking Art is not legitimately a Mormon. That said, I laughed.
agreed.
Sex advice from Mormons? Hey I got one! "Dear Mormons, what do I do if a major religious group holding fringe-y and laughable creation myths finances a vicious campaign in a state outside of their major power base to strip rights from an already besieged minority group?" Stay the HELL out of my home state and stay out of the sex lives of other people.
Yeah. Nice softball questions they asked.
ha ha ha :) where the hell is a like button when you need one!!!
where the hell are people who actually read the article when you need them!!!
"Everyone pretty much knows that religion and pornography go to together like gay and Republican. — So in other words, pornography is something that religious people rant against in public, but then secretly seek out in private?
BURN!
Ha!
Obviously.
I think that was the actual point, yes.
I don't think some of the folks commenting here realize that these are all ex-Mormons (misleading headline) and that almost all of them were making fun of Mormonism. Moops and Irritated SF, I'm looking at you.
Guilty. And rereading it, they seem like an okay bunch.
Bah. Reading is for wimps. I prefer to just quickly scan and jump to conclusions and whoever disagrees with me is a gay nazi.
Yeah, after walking away from the mormon church after 20 years, I can tell you with 100% certainty that these folks aren't practicing. It's like asking a disgruntled ex-employee what they think about their old place of employment.
Actual practicing mormons don't know anything about sex. Why and how would they? I sure didn't when I got married (at the tender age of 22) to my practicing mormon wife.
And speaking of soft-balls, isn't "Sex advice from Mormons" a juicy pitch down the center of the plate for people like Irritated SF and Moops. It's an easy target, and the reactions are predictable, unintelligent, and rote.
Okay, fine. You got me. I didn't read the article first. BUT I am from San Francisco, I worked on the campaign against Proposition 8, and people I know were DIRECTLY affected by its passage. I'll grant that my twitch flame war button got flipped from the title, but accusing my reactions of being "predictable, unintelligent, and rote" disregards the fact that my family and my state was attacked across state lines by a religion. That's the kind of thing that makes anyone a little knee-jerk irrational. So thank you for the sanctimonious tone in your observation of me.
Oh please. The fact that you know real gay people who were really affected by prop 8 omg does not somehow prevent you from behaving like a reasonable person.
I agree with dude. I'm also from San Francisco and know people directly affected by Prop 8. But being from such an amazing city, we see people of all different walks of life, and it always sort of saddens me when natives will be so narrow-minded and point the finger at one group when they really should be taking a good look at themselves.
I'm from California too. We're all friends here, so let's agree on this: 9 months out of the year SF is a freezing pit of despair where everybody dressed in pajamas and is Asian, and Carly is hot.
doesn't it make you laugh when you see a movie/tv show set in San Francisco and they're running around in shorts and tank tops all the time
While I agree that the weather in SF sucks, what does being Asian have to do with anything? As someone who lives in San Francisco, am I only Asian for 9 months out of the year? For the 9 freezing pit of despair months?
I don't think you thought this one through, but I did find it a little (accidentally?) rude. Do keep in mind all kinds of people will read these posts... including Asians in pajamas.
I'm dating a Mormon and he's ammaaazzzinggggggg in bed. The best I've ever had. I think Mormon's are really stereotyped, they are some of the nicest people I have met!
Wow! The guy in the black shirt behind Art is hot. I hope he's not a Mormon!
I really like these people.
whoever wrote these answers is totally ignorant of being a practicing Mormon and what pre-married physical mores and dating norms are within LDS communities. This article was a little insulting under such a headline. And, @ SF, even though I have issues w/ Prop 8, guess what: about 1% of California is Mormon. Flattering though it is to get all the blame that the initiative passed, I hardly think we are capable of mass mind control, especially since there are so many enlightened people such as yourself in the state.
Yeah, it was more of a funding and organizing thing, but it was helmed by the out-of-state Mormon Church.
And seriously I would totally make Carly my third wife.
I think the title should be "Advice from Ex-Mormons". Why does Hooksexup sensationalize so much sometimes??
When did Hooksexup readers become such bitches? I want that phrase to include both genders.
This article took a page from Dan Savage's book, "It's wrong to make fun of us if you disagree with us but we'll bash the hell out of you if we disagree with you". And Nathan hit it right on the head: Mormons are only 1% of the population in CA and yet 51% voted for Prop 8. And if you will check your facts, the campaign against Prop 8 raised much more money than did the pro Prop 8 side. Here's another telling fact. When Prop 8 was overruled by the court, I don't remember massive protests breaking out that shut down places of worship/business that were pro-gay or a smear campaign against those who contributed money against Prop 8.
Why is it ok to make fun of mormons but you bring up muslims everybody's panties get in a bunch?
Right. But there is a 24/7/365 smear campaign by many against the gay community so I would say it is pretty fair to protest in front of the headquarters of your sworn enemy anytime you can organize enough people to do it.
Oh Hannah... I'm an ex-mormon as well and I would love to do you so bad that you will feel guilty
Methodists are great in bed.
I'm sort of a lapsed catholic & most of the people I grew up with in Montana are some flavor of catholic or protestant. That said, when I got out to the bigger world, the most fun/uninhibited gals in bed? Jewish girls, no contest. No hangups or guilt or etc.
Also, Hooksexup, I think it's clear that you've run out of ideas for this series, really it's time to pull the plug. What's next, Sex Advice from Celibates?
Thank God! Someone with brains spaeks!
7ciZZ6 Author, Shoot yourself a knee!!!
you are so dumb you need too check your facts before posting your "opinions"! you sound more like a douche and less like an educated person..
--sincerely AN ACTUAL MORMON!!!!!!!!!
Now you say something