I Did It For Science: Topless in the Park

Experiment: Under New York state law, all chests are created equal: both men and women can go topless in public, provided you expose your breasts in a manner "neither lewd nor intended to annoy or harass." On a hot summer day, would going topless in a public park prove empowering, or would I get burned?

Hypothesis: Guys do it all the time, and the law says I have the right to bare breasts. Moving this equal right from theory to practice should be just as relaxing as any other afternoon in Central Park.

Materials:
Breasts (literally)
Public Park
Balls (figuratively)

Method:
Even though I knew the law was on my side, female toplessness still felt like the medical marijuana of the east coast: legal but somehow illicit. I was nervous as hell the morning of my experiment. Even worse, I couldn't decide what to wear. I settled on gym shorts and a tank top, with a nice bra underneath since everyone would be seeing it. It was like getting ready for a hot date: I was apprehensive, flustered and had already decided how naked I'd get by the end of the night.

I promised a day of sunshine and laughs (perhaps at my expense) to two friends/bodyguards, and we arrived at the Sheep's Meadow in Central Park with blankets, books, and my boobs. The clearing was packed with sunbathers; although no one was topless, there were a rainbow of skimpy bikinis and skin across the lawn. We claimed a clear patch of land and, far sooner than I would have liked, it was time to take off my top. "Here," my friend Jim offered, removing his own shirt, "I'll do it too."

Easy for him to say, he's been doing this for decades, I thought as I pulled off my tank top. So far, so good, but still nervous as hell. I thought perhaps I could ease into the public nudity by acting like I was sun-bathing. I lay on my stomach and removed my bra, and rested a moment, thinking feminist and empowered thoughts. We were making progress, but I couldn't hide face-down all day.

So I sat up. My hand instinctively grasped my breasts for modesty, my bosom spilling over my fingertips. I didn't want to let go. "I'm gonna do it. I'm just gonna remove my hand," I said to no one in particular. And then I did.

Results:
There they were in the sunlight, the eyes of God and New York Penal Law 245.01 my boobs out, nipples blazing. The girls sitting on the blanket next to us giggled. Some passersby glanced over, smiles on a couple of the guys' faces. My nipple ring glinted in the sun. Amazingly, I felt relatively calm. Warm. Neither lightning nor cops had struck me down. Furtively looking around, I noticed some guys attempting to be respectful. Maybe they were just thinking be cool or she'll put her top back on, but gentlemen would glance over and grin, but rarely stare. No one cat-called or made lewd comments. So many people were showing skin, and it was so hot, my toplessness didn't feel like a big deal.

Five minutes in, however, my skin was sizzling. The Irish were not made to be a topless people. Rubbing SPF 15 onto my nipples made me feel a little dirty and a little silly for bringing only SPF 15. I tried to chat with my friends, but I found it hard to concentrate. More and more people were looking over at me, and when everyone's staring at you, you can't look anywhere for fear of making awkward eye contact. I may have been topless, but I was still shy. It's not common for me to make eye contact with strangers. It's even less likely if they're staring at my tits or taking pictures with their iPhones.

Three sunscreen applications later, my girlfriend Megan pointed out, "The trouble with sun bathing is I'm already bored. I want to get a hot dog or something." A quick scan revealed a hot-dog stand at the corner of the Sheep's Meadow, just outside the fence marking the lawn's border. I didn't know what would happen if we left the sanctuary. But for hungry, topless women everywhere, I would find out.

Comments ( 120 )

Very well written. I loved the format, the similies, the descriptions, the humor, and the insights. I felt so nervous and excited with you! Keep these great articles coming, Meghan!

c commented on Aug 25 09 at 12:20 am

man, you must have gotten a wicked sunburn--exposing skin that's NEVER seen sunlight--SPF15?!?!? What were you THINKING???? You needed some 75+ for that job.

alr commented on Aug 25 09 at 12:28 am

you describe your topless experiment in such a charming and witty way. i admire your bravery! a really great article!

Cok commented on Aug 25 09 at 12:42 am

meh, got my big brown boobs out in the park all summer long. if anywhere in the US, should above the usual puritanical modesty issues, It's New Yorkers. Most would give a sh*t if I had 3 naked tits out.

KG commented on Aug 25 09 at 12:57 am

No disrespect: but if you were simply very attractive, you'd find the same kind of reactions from other women daily. It works like this: if men notice you, women hate you.

ixv commented on Aug 24 09 at 1:07 pm

you're so adorable, i almost can't stand it.

hee commented on Aug 24 09 at 1:28 pm

...just another reason to love redheads!

get commented on Aug 24 09 at 1:29 pm

@ixv, she's a redhead with nice tits. are you serious?

lik commented on Aug 24 09 at 1:31 pm

boy am i glad to have grown up in a country where exposed breasts aren't such a big fucking deal. nipplegate was a joke to us in 'yurp'.

nh commented on Aug 24 09 at 1:42 pm

French woman have been topless on the beach for decades.

AC commented on Aug 24 09 at 3:02 pm

I was at a festival in NY soon after the law was passed. The announcer at the festival said something about "topless... not just a good idea, it's the law!". A couple of ladies enjoyed their new freedom and were bouncing around. It looked more painful than fun or sexy. I don't understand all the fuss -- it was far easier for me to look at something else than to even think about scolding the ladies who were enjoying themselves.

tj commented on Aug 24 09 at 3:19 pm

Way to go! Don't let the man (or park employees) keep you down! This article was hilarious and informative. My favorite kind.

AAE commented on Aug 24 09 at 3:19 pm

The fear of nakedness, gayness, and stylish clothing in America amazes me. Maybe people need to travel 'back' (meaning forward) in time and evolve. Darwin, are you taking notes on this?

nh commented on Aug 24 09 at 3:34 pm

Good for you! I'm surprised that you got so much heat from other women. I guess the last 40 years of liberation haven't had the impact we thought. This is yet another reason to support everyday science!

JHN commented on Aug 24 09 at 3:57 pm

i want to know...would you ever do it again? there must have been something a little delicious about it all. or maybe i just think you're really hot :)

win commented on Aug 24 09 at 4:42 pm

Topless for both sexes is legal across Canada (Charter of Rights and Freedoms - s.15), but only the boys show their breasts.

sfw commented on Aug 24 09 at 5:17 pm

You should really go to Burning Man. It's an amazing environment where people can be who they are and do what they want without others judging them. In fact nobody even cares if you're naked or clothed, either way you're just a person.

ZO commented on Aug 24 09 at 6:04 pm

I'm disappointed that the park official discouraged you. Shouldn't it have been legal?

KsZ commented on Aug 24 09 at 6:49 pm

I wonder, if the breast weren't so taboo in this country, would I be as happy when one was exposed in front of me?
It'd be a shame to wreck something that awesome.

MJL commented on Aug 24 09 at 7:18 pm

Very perky of you!! (sorry, couldn't resist, my eyes are drawn more to your smile than anywhere else)

MO commented on Aug 24 09 at 7:52 pm

You might be more comfortable someplace less uptight than the east coast.

SW commented on Aug 24 09 at 8:53 pm

i'm no expert, but why can't this girl and and the vibrator girl do this column all by themselves? maybe they can even team up and uh, do things together...okay i just got distracted but the point is, they were both so good, i don't know why Hooksexup keeps throwing other lame ones at us. variety sure, but not at the expense of awesomeness.

twee commented on Aug 24 09 at 9:24 pm

What a ballsy thing to do! I love how humorous and insightful the piece is, please keep them coming!

YAC commented on Aug 24 09 at 10:27 pm

I've never been to Burning Man, but more than one person has mentioned the nudity as a good thing. Maybe it is a better environment, but I think people still do care. Particularly, the guys. :)

JSK commented on Aug 25 09 at 2:19 am

When I look at the picture of you holding the drink and dog, all I can think is "Thank God!", that just looks so normal, finally someone gets it. I have NEVER understood why it is OK to discriminate based on sex when it comes to not wearing a shirt in public. Either it is just as OK for women or it is not OK for men - can't have it both ways and be who we say (think) we are as a society. Kudos for your bravery in pushing your personal boundaries in the name of science and equality!

rtm commented on Aug 25 09 at 5:14 am

Your French passport is on the way.

CDG commented on Aug 25 09 at 5:20 am

Prohibition would be a public morality law. Under Spanish Constitution that kind of laws are not valid. In fact, in Spain it is perfectly legal to go completely nude in public places.

And such beautiful redhead, we need more real redheads in Spain. Please visit some day!

FGB commented on Aug 25 09 at 6:50 am

Wow. Gorgeous body. (I'm a woman.)

CLY commented on Aug 25 09 at 8:10 am

Awesome of you to test this, I've experienced the opposite. I, male, was at a rooftop pool party and was asked to leave because I got naked when they routinely let girls get naked. I had already put my clothes back on, but they were still polite and let me say goodbye before kicking me out.

FL commented on Aug 25 09 at 9:53 am

As mentioned: If you feel to oppressed, go the Barcelona beach, the Berlin parks or actually anywhere in Europe. No shame involved there...

sg commented on Aug 25 09 at 9:59 am

Fantastic! At first I thought that this was going to be some boring story about the American prude rolling over on her towel, exposing the girls for a couple of minutes, and then running off. And then you go for a hot dog and impressed the heck out of me. The bathroom topped it~going topless that is! Reminded me of my first time at a French nudist colony... every time I locked the door to my room to go to the beach I went to put my keys in my pocket and thought "holy crap, I'm not wearing pants-- and I'm in the hallway!"

SHG commented on Aug 25 09 at 10:40 am

Nice tits.

JH commented on Aug 25 09 at 11:02 am

Real courage, and adorably reported. No one seems to have connected the author's reactions to the culture that formed them. i.e. the concensus is that it shouldn't be a big deal, but it was obviously a huge deal to the author, otherwise all the, ahem, tittering by the other women wouldn't have phased her. And in the end, we are to understand it's a one-shot deal--that the author wouldn't do it again..... that she's more comfortable getting back in line, as it were. Which I do not point out in the pejorative, but simply that it seems to be the case. Anyway, quite a titilating story.... and a great medium for as many breast synonyms as one can pack into a piece--one that simultaneously decries our obsession with breasts, and celebrates it. Hm.

ARB commented on Aug 25 09 at 11:05 am

I don't see what the problem is with women going topless. People here in the US need to get over their problems with nudity.

mp commented on Aug 26 09 at 12:03 am

In Denmark, it's quite normal for women to walk around with their breasts enjoying the same free air as the men's chests. In fact, sometimes I wish that wasn't so (you die a little inside when you see 75 year old nipples)

JD commented on Aug 26 09 at 12:47 am

I'm breastfeeding my baby six times a day all over New York with no discretion whatsoever (except in restaurants; seems like bad table manners) and no one pays any attention. Really, I'd be much more self-conscious in a bikini on the lawn on a Saturday.

SJ commented on Aug 25 09 at 2:55 pm

So funny how Americans make such a big deal out of nudity. In France we expose our tiny little breasts for all to see and it's no big deal.

Mari commented on Aug 25 09 at 5:08 pm

MJL commented on Aug 25 09 at 5:45 pm

@MJL and that's why breasts exist, sir. to excite you once every couple years.

M commented on Aug 25 09 at 6:20 pm

Great job Meghan!! Keep it up for boobs. *bianca*

BM commented on Aug 25 09 at 7:08 pm

I hope you didn't get too sunburned. Our people are definitely not meant to be in the sun.

DH commented on Aug 25 09 at 9:49 pm

Did your perky lily white nipples get burned? Because that would be notable.

ghf commented on Aug 25 09 at 10:32 pm

This was adorable --as is the writer. But--direct sun is not good for the breasts--it will destroy the collogen (sp?)which will make them sag later in life. So-sadly, ladies, keep your tops on when out in the sun. The shade now, that's a whole other matter.

DJ commented on Aug 25 09 at 11:01 pm

Good for you for trying this! But I'm a pasty white girl too, so ow ow ow for your tender breast skin. Also, I love your Natalie Dee bag!

CMD commented on Aug 26 09 at 1:16 am

Very interesting and funny read. I'm a pretty self conscious guy, so I don't know if I could do that. Thank you for your commitment to science. Plus, I believe the murmuring women were just jealous of how beautiful you are and were able to pull that off! Sorry, had to be said.

JRT commented on Aug 26 09 at 5:45 am

I'm sure the hot dog guy appreciated your ample tips.

WAC commented on Aug 26 09 at 9:03 am

wow, good for you, impressive

dc commented on Aug 26 09 at 4:06 pm

I recall when the law went into effect. There was a woman riding the subway topless and being interviewed for TV news but they had her breasts blocked out. It made no sense to me that a child could see her on the street or on the subway but the TV had to have a stricter code. America sexuality.

wmg commented on Aug 26 09 at 5:08 pm

Maybe for a shy girl Meghan's actions took courage, but honestly, how privileged are you when the most daring thing you can think of doing is to take your top off for an afternoon in a very liberal city in the summer? seriously, if she had ever faced any hardships in her life, she would've passed on this assignment as beneath her. look at how experimental i am! Self-indulgent yuppie. in a world where women are forced to cover themselves from head to toe, and are burned with acid for disobeying a man's wishes, i am not impressed by her audacity. booji, yuppie wuss.

dar commented on Aug 26 09 at 7:41 pm

wow, dar, where in the world did you find such a high horse? and when did the orphanage you run in calcutta get internet access?

ps commented on Aug 26 09 at 10:30 pm

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