Talking to Strangers: Los Angeles, CA

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

By Amanda Cotylo

Titi, 30

What do you do for a living?
I am a new mother and an interior designer.

Are you married?
Yes.

How long ago did you meet your husband?
I've been married to my husband for four years, but before that we were dating for almost ten.

Wow. Did you ever date anyone else?
My husband and I, back when we were younger we did a lot of partying together and a lot of not so good things. So there was a quick instance when he moved away so he could clean up his act. That was the only time we had any distance.

Are you from around here?
Yep, grew up here.

What did you think of the dating scene here?
The dating scene is L.A. is like one great big makeout session. The guys want to hook up with as many girls as they can. But as far as dating in adulthood, it's more of a fantasy. I've never really had a one-night-stand thing, 'cause I was always with my husband. But I'd like to think that if I were single and had a one-night stand, it would be something super-sultry, where we'd just meet at a bar and it would be hot and sexy and we'd bang all night, and he could leave in the morning.

"I'm not making eggs, so — "
I'd let him have a cup of coffee and I'd be in a kimono robe —

You have it all planned out!
I'd have this open-area apartment, I'd be in my kimono robe, I'd make him coffee, and then he'd drive off to his office on his Harley. Or a red vintage Porsche.

I really want to have a one-night stand where the guy's at my place, and as he's leaving in the morning I'm like, "Your money's on the dresser."
Oh yeah! That's good. If I wasn't married I'd be a relationship whore. My husband and I tried the open-relationship thing that brief time we were apart. He's much more the sensuous, sensitive one, and I'm much more analytical. I confronted him — I asked him if we could have things open-ended. He could do what he was going to do while up in Idaho, and I could do what I was going to do down here. He said no because he thought it would open up Pandora's Box.

What is it about your husband that you love?
That we are friends. Communication is key. Sense of humor is key. In high school I just wanted someone to make out with and party with, and that totally changed over time. When I first met my husband, he was a conservative guy with conservative values. He was a Republican and I was the total opposite, a Democrat and very liberal. If I had met him in adulthood like that, we probably wouldn't have even hooked up.

Is he still a Republican?
No. It was a slow process. I took him to a couple of Barbara Boxer GOTV parties, and when I found out he voted Republican, I socked him in the head. It took him awhile but now he definitely has his own opinion, which I love.

In 2000, I was dating this kid who was really dumb — great body, cute, but really dumb — and then I found out he voted for Bush and I never spoke to him again.
Check, please!

I feel kind of bad. He probably had no idea why I stopped returning his calls.
I would have done the same thing.

Do you and your husband have flirting rules?
We have flirting rules. I think a little flirting keeps the relationship healthy. When you flirt a little bit with a guy and get a little flirting back, it makes you feel good about yourself, confident. It's playful though — they have to know nothing's actually going to happen.

What's the most daring or unusual place you've had sex?
We're pretty adventurous. We have sex outdoors a lot. Anytime we go on separate vacations, we always do it in the parking lot at LAX whenever we pick each other up.

Aww!
Yeah, it's like our tradition.

How sweet.
We try to have sex any chance we get outside. I've had sex out in the snow before.

Really? You had to take all those clothes off first?
It was cold. I was naked except for snow boots.

 

Bilal, 29

What do you do for a living?
I'm an actor, so of course that means I work in a restaurant.

Where are you from?
Tucson, Arizona.

Make a sweeping generalization about the women here.
They are not talking to me. No, no, no, we're gonna change that! They don't see the inherent value I possess.

So, they're stuck-up?
No, they're just, uh... a bit... oblivious.

What do you look for in a girl?
I need at least one neurosis. I need them to have, like, one obsession.

How do you impress the ladies?
A Michael Caine impersonation.

Do it! Please?
No, I was lying. [laughs] I guess I lie to impress women. That lie was an illustration of my wit and intellect. So I like to impress them with my wit and intellect.

Do you have any good hook-up stories?
Yes, I do. This one time I hooked up with a girl I used to work with, and we were at her apartment, and we were both stone-drunk — like Mickey Rourke in Sin City stone-drunk, and we're fucking, and I let loose the biggest fart — 'cause, you know, she's on top of me, and she's riding me so she's pushing down on my stomach. It sounded like Wynton Marsalis just walked into the room, let loose a note on his trumpet, and then walked out. But the thing is, she was so drunk that she either played it off perfectly or she didn't even notice.

You know this is being published, right?
I don't give a shit! I've told that story to my mother.

Do you have any crazy exes?
There's one, yeah. I had been working at this restaurant for a number of years, and I was the kitchen manager. We hired her, and I was like, "Oh, that looks interesting," so we hung out a few times and we eventually ended up dating. She had a three- or four-year-old son at the time and was a recovering meth addict. Her husband at the time was still in jail for identity theft — tweakers are kind of drawn to that line of work, because it takes a lot of focus and time and effort to rifle through a dumpster to look for a credit-card slip from a Denny's or whatever. The residual effects of a hard-core meth addiction take awhile to get over.

Has anyone ever offended you in the bedroom or vice versa?
I'm relatively open-minded. I mean, yeah, I dated an ex-tweaker with a four-year-old son, so I think I'm inoffendable. I have such a high tolerance for people and their ways. We often trap ourselves by labeling things that we don't understand or that we're not adept at understanding. We label them as awkward or creepy or weird; we throw those terms around. And that just seems like an easy way out. Why not just try to understand what is different about this person? Yes, my threshold for tolerability is very high. You'd have to be a screaming, schizophrenic, homeless, sociopathic racist before I'd be like, "No."

They'd have to be hot though, right?
Um... the range of what I find attractive is very broad. So, no?

So do you have any dating dealbreakers?
Checking your fucking smartphone! Continuously! Fuck it. If you cannot engage in a conversation you are not worth a shit in my eyes. "Is there an app on your iPhone called eye contact? Fuck you!"

 

Gillian, 31

You're obviously from Ireland, but how long have you lived here?
Eleven years.

Your accent is still very strong.
Only because I've been drinking!

How is the dating scene here different from what you remember in Ireland?
Well, I came out here for my husband, but I gather people actually go out on dates here.

They don't just drink too much Guinness and hook up at the pub, you mean?
There you just meet someone and... whatever. People here actually ask you out on dates! They hook up here too, but there's more dating here I think.

What do you do for a living?
I'm a visual merchandiser.

Do a lot of people hit on you working in that field?
No, I only meet gay men. So if I were single I'd have zero chance of meeting anyone through work. My colleague is actually in that predicament. She's like, "How the fuck am I supposed to meet anyone when everyone is gay?"

What did you look for in a guy when you were dating?
My type is smart. I like 'em smart, funny, and skinny. I started dating my husband in probably 1999 or 2000, so my type was probably the Weezer nerd. The indie-rock nerd. Not too cool — I don't want them trying too hard. The collegiate type. My husband has turned into my grown-up version of that type, which is "professor cool." But smart has always been my type.

In the courtship phase of dating your husband, did you do anything in particular to impress him?
Name-dropping bands. When he'd go, "Did you hear about this band?" I'd be like, "Oh yeah!" I'd lie about the depth of my knowledge.

Has anyone ever offended you in the bedroom?
Not really. I think any guy that I've been with has just been really happy to be there.

What are things that you found off-putting while dating?
Rude people. So if you're out at a restaurant and they're rude to the waiter — gross. Somebody who's not humble, who brags too much. Name-dropping — I hate it! Especially out here in LA. I mean it's cool, if you have a real story...

I clogged Darth Vader's toilet. Hayden Christensen's, the actor who plays him in the prequels.
That's great. That's not, "I sold him a shirt at Anthropologie!"