Kyle, 26

How would you classify dating in San Francisco?
I would say it's difficult to date in San Francisco. I'm usually thrown into casual social gatherings rather than formal dates. But I prefer the parties where people introduce one another and you meet that way, rather than trying to buy a stranger a drink or something.

What do you think is a good date to take someone on in the city?
I think a Thursday night at the Academy of Sciences is a great one. They have a bar and you look at the exhibits and can talk. It's something different that is easier than having to create all the conversation — you can point to things and have that type of dialogue.

That sounds fun and different.
Yeah, and then I might meet up with friends after we've had time to get to know one another, because I think it's really essential that I see if they can get along with my friends as well.

Do you have any dealbreakers?
I don't think there is such a thing as a dealbreaker. I'm pretty open and give people the chance to explain themselves. Though I do find it to be a turnoff if someone is too overtly sexual on the first date.

Do you think it's different if you're friends with someone before a first date?
Yeah, different. I think that you can move a bit faster physically with someone you've known previously than with someone you just met. For newly acquainted people it is best to keep it in your pants for date number one.

How do you feel about dating at work?
I have liked someone whom I work with, but there are just so many dynamics that change, and I think it's best to keep social things on one side and professional things on the other side.

So you wouldn't want to date someone in your field?
Yeah. I'm in advertising, and when I come home to relax I don't want to talk about advertising. I want to ask them about their day and hear about something completely different then what I experienced. I think it just creates a better dynamic when you come from different places and have different things to bring to the table.

What would make you break up with someone?
Anyone without any aspirations or dreams is just not for me. Also, anyone with an agenda where they have set out that they need to be married by this particular age or have kids at this age. I don't want to be put on someone else's timetable.

Has that ever happened?
Yeah, I dated a girl and a few months in I picked up on her eagerness to get really committed, and I broke it off. Sure enough, she jumped into another relationship and got married really quickly. So I'm glad I noticed that vibe and got out of that situation.

 

Tabby, 22

What do you do for a living?
Marketing and branding.

Does that get you any dates?
Not as of yet, and I'm constantly working, so there's no free time to date.

So you're single right now?
Yeah. I recently got out of a long relationship at the same time my work schedule blew up into eighty-hour weeks. I miss having a life.

Have you ever had any terrible dates?
Yeah, actually. When I was eighteen and living in the school dorms, everyone would list their iTunes status. This guy messaged me that he liked the song I was listening to, and we started talking and Facebooking one another. Then one random night he messaged me that we should hang out and drink his peach vodka.

Peach vodka. Classy.
Yeah, I clearly didn't care. So I went over to his dorm and he played me his crummy keyboard music and got really drunk and cuddled. The next morning I woke up and had to slip off to my eight-a.m. class — only to later receive the Facebook relationship request that this guy had sent that morning.

Please say you said no.
Of course. I instantly clicked no. I mean we didn't even talk about this. And then to make it all worse, the guy messaged me later asking why I didn't confirm our Facebook relationship.

He didn't even try to play it off?
Nope. This is my life. And for weeks he was pleading me that we need to talk this out and I should give him a chance. I even saw him in person one day and before I could even start talking to him about his crazy-stalker status, he was crying.

How did you finally get him to leave you alone?
That's what makes this story even worse. I had this brilliant idea: since the one time we hung out we were both drunk, I thought I would tell him that I had a drinking problem and really needed to focus on myself and my sobriety. He will still message me once every eight months. I immediately delete and ignore.

What's the way to your heart?
Cookies are the way to anyone's heart. On every job-application cover letter I write, I specifically say that I make great cookies, and if you hire me I will bring cookies to the office. The last interview I went on, they asked me about it, and honestly, I don't even really like making cookies.

So the way to someone's heart is lying.
Yes!

Do you have any turn-offs?
I know it's kind of terrible, but if I find out that a guy goes to church regularly, I think they're less hot. I have to be honest with myself and it's the truth.

 

Tom, 23

How has the dating scene been treating you?
This last girl I went on a date with was actually one of the best dates I'd had in a while. We really connected amazingly well and, you know, all that bullshit. But then a few days later I see on Facebook that "such and such and douchebag are now in a relationship."

Ouch.
Yeah. I totally wasn't getting the fun-friend-date vibe — I was getting the "I might be into you vibe" — so I was caught off-guard. And we went out another time, and that date went just as well as the first date, so I had to bring up the "so Facebook told me you're in a relationship" thing. And she said that this guy had requested a the online relationship, but she didn't have the discussion and doesn't think they are in a relationship.

Who are these people who broadcast relationships to their hundreds of friends without having the define-the-relationship conversation in person?
Right? There are two crazy people involved. The one who asks for the relationship and the one who awkwardly confirms it even though she doesn't think they're in one! I don't get it.

Any great dates that went better?
Yeah. Back in my junior college, I was the editor-in-chief of my campus paper, and I was into this chick. And on this one day, we had a bomb threat on campus and I was delegating all of the reporters and photographers to go here and do this. I was feeling like kind of a badass, since that's a big deal in a junior college. That day I was high on the adrenaline, and it was the catalyst for me to ask out this girl finally, and we ended up dating for quite a while.

What's the way to a girl's heart?
Be kind of a jerk to them. I mean that in the nicest way possible. You can't be mean, but you can't show them you are too into them. You need to just be a little bit jerky to them. I like someone who challenges me.

Have you ever had any red flags in a relationship?
I had one issue where a girl couldn't really date me because I wasn't a "pure Christian." It shocked me, because in the Bay Area I forget that people do that.

How do you determine whether someone is religious to the point it might hinder your dating?
I think I have the litmus test for this: ask them what they think of Harry Potter. If they're like, "Oh, that's from the devil and teaches the youth about witchcraft," then I know they're that kind of religious, because Harry Potter is like pure good.

Want to talk to strangers in your town? Email .