Patrick, 45

What's your name and what do you do? 
My name is Pat and I'm a regional manager for a beer brewing company. 

Has that ever gotten you laid before? 
Maybe — I don't know. I generally assume I'm the one getting me laid, not my job. It is a great brewery though...

Are you single? 
Yeah, I'm single. I'm a single dad with a two-year-old daughter.

How'd that happen?
She's an awesome woman. I love her to death. But we don't live together. We were together for about six years before the baby was born. And then... I reckon, I was a fuck-up and she was a fuck-up, and we stopped seeing eye to eye. She didn't like what I was up to and I didn't like what she was up to. Not cheating or anything, but our daily life stopped working. But we definitely see eye to eye on our daughter. She's a great mother and I love her to death, really. 

When's the last time you got laid? 
Oh, Jesus Christ. You guys aren't fucking around. Two nights ago? Honestly, it wasn't all that great. It wasn't all that connected, we were doing it just for the sake of doing it. You know, better than jerking off. 

Please grade your orgasm. Like, a B? 
No, it was like a D. 

What are you looking for now? 
I'm not sure. I'm looking for someone who can hang with what I'm doing. The business I'm in isn't easy — I work from about two in the afternoon 'til about two in the morning. A lot of my job is socializing and selling people on our beer, but most women want you home — 

To cuddle. Are you a cuddler? 
Hell yeah I am. 

Are you big spoon or little spoon? 
I'm big spoon, but I don't think I have a choice. I'm like a grizzly bear over here. 

How young a woman would you date? Like, hypothetically, a twenty-four-year old? 
Hell yeah! Who wouldn't? The mother of my kid was twelve years younger than me. But the girlfriend I had before that was ten years older. I know it sounds lame, but it's really about the person.

What's the difference between fucking a younger girl and an older woman? 
There's not really a difference at all. All that matters to me is an emotional connection. And in the absence of that, it's just like, well... let's just do it anyway. 

The D-grade orgasm — was she younger or older? 
They were younger. 

They? You had a threesome and it was a D?
[laughs] Yeah. They were wasted. 

When did threesomes get boring? 
Wait, no, hold on a second. That's not what I'm saying. This particular one was no good, but it's not my first time in that ballpark. 

Okay, we've got to ask. What's your number? 
Really?

Can I guess? 200? 
Hmm, yeah. It's probably just under 200. 

Alright, you need to share the gospel with less experienced people. What makes women go apeshit? 
The most important thing is chemistry! I'm a musician, so I value... building things. Also, feel the vibes. Go with the flow. If she wants to go slow, don't start hammering away. Women tell you what they want. You just need to be ready to listen. 

How do you feel about pubic hair? 
I wish there was more of it. 

I knew it.  
I grew up in the '70s, watching '70s porn. What can I say?

 

Gonzalo, 24

What's your name, and what do you do? 
My name is Gonzalo — Sexy G — and I'm a waiter.

Has that ever gotten you laid? 
Yes... it was a long time ago. I was helping this guy in the front of the house, and well, we just fucked.

When did you realize you were gay? 
Probably when I was thirteen. That's when I had my first crush on a boy, but at the same time I hated men so much. Something happened to me when I was little that made me really hate men. I only wanted to be around girls, so my heart was totally closed to men. 

Can we ask what happened when you were younger? 
I don't like to talk about it. It was really traumatizing. I think if you think about it, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

What was it about this person, this crush, that made you want to open your heart to men? 
Well, it was really confusing to me. I was in elementary school and he was a great friend. It was terrible — for a year I was crying every day, and I kept questioning myself, asking myself why I felt this way. 

How is it being openly gay in Hispanic culture? 
Well, it can be great or really, really terrible. Because in Hispanic culture, in big, developed cities, you can be out and celebrated, but in small towns, like where I grew up, everyone's so close-minded. That's why I moved to the United States. There were only two openly gay adults in my town and everyone was constantly talking about them, saying they should be raped with stones. A transvestite was killed for cross-dressing.

When did you move here? 
When I was sixteen. I got to that age where everyone started having girlfriends, and when I didn't, people would say, "What's wrong with him? Is he gay?" So I asked my mom if I could move, because my brother lived here already. 

Does your mother know you're gay? 
Yeah, I told her when I was eighteen. She was really, really disappointed. She kept trying to convince me that I liked girls. It was really confusing for me. I was suicidal. I took a bottle of Tylenol and some beer and then went to bed, and I made sure no one was around me. I woke up to puke, and my roommate happened to come home and saw me passed out, so he took me to the hospital. 

Wow. What does living in New York feel like now? 
It feels really safe. I've met so many people who embrace me for me. I'm not the only gay man around anymore. I can cross my legs when I sit and talk with you and no one cares. 

Have you heard of Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" project?  
Yeah. I'm not sure what I would say to them though. When I was seventeen, I got sent to a mental institution because I was suicidal and they wouldn't let me out. It was like being in jail. I was constantly locked in rooms, had to take medicine even if I didn't want to, had to shower at certain times, could only sleep at certain times. I couldn't speak any English, so I couldn't communicate with the doctors either. 

Do you think you could trust someone like a therapist to talk about your trauma? 
No, not after being in that place. I know I should though. Sometimes I have nightmares when I pass out on my friends' couches, drunk, and I scream, "No, no no!" I worry it could push my friends away. No one wants to deal with that. 

Have you had relationships with men? 
Not really. They never get me. We've had casual things, sure. But my trauma pushes anything serious away. I'm twenty-four — I know I have to get my stuff together. But I'm hoping to meet someone who can understand. 

Are you happy now? 
I'm thankful. I'm not exactly perfectly happy, but I have no real reasons anymore to be sad. 

 

Gustav, 26

What is your name and what do you do? 
My name is Gustav, and I'm a hip-hop playwright. 

What exactly does that mean? 
It means I write plays that are entirely in rhyme. 

Has that ever gotten you laid before? 
No. I have sexual encounters because of my personality and what I'm about. 

Have you ever used your rhyming skills to get a lady in bed? 
I've definitely written songs for girls before. 

Can you freestyle for me, right here?
Okay. Deep in the moonlight/ Comfortable in my spoon tight/ Got head a couple days ago/ Interrupted by a fistfight/ Happened to be by a girl and guy/ Even worse than that, they live where I... live/ Girl punched my man across the face/ Fucked up my girl's face/ Fucked up my face/ Went from "Oh oh" to "Oh no."

Is this a true story? Getting head got interrupted by a fistfight? 
Yeah. I live in an apartment on the ground floor and my bedroom faces the street. So the lady I'm linking up with right now was performing oral sex and I heard yelling on the street, so I went outside and my roommate's girlfriend was punching him in the face. They fight all the time. That's their thing, and it's always physical. So I put my clothes on, went downstairs and made sure everything was cool. It's very difficult to reignite a sexual moment like that, but we made it work. All's well that ends well, right?

So... did it end well? 
Yeah, I came. 

What about her? 
I got her off beforehand. 

That part was uninterrupted? 
That is correct. There was no fistfight during that. 

So how long have you been "linking up" with this lady? 
Um, about a month?

Is it getting serious? 
I don't really know what that means. I enjoy her company very much, I think she's a really beautiful person. I'm not linking up with anybody else, and I think we're just building at a good level.

How's the sex?
Um, we haven't had sex yet. 

Really?
I think it's really important not to have sex with someone right away. As we get older sex just gets more and more complicated. I think it's really important to take your time and make sure you want to be with that person. 

So you get aroused enough to have oral sex, but you don't go all the way. How do you control yourself? I'm like a teenage boy — I just want to do it.
It's like anything else — just focus and discipline. 

Does she want to have sex? 
I think she does [laughs]. I'm not saying that I don't either, but... she does. 

So what's the difference between putting your dick in a girl's vagina vs. her mouth?  
Well, the biggest thing is pregnancy. I'm twenty-six-years old and having a child is nowhere in my future plans. I can't explain the difference — there just is one. If someone put a lollipop in your mouth and someone put a lollipop in your pussy, you'd have a very different emotional reaction to it. 

Well, yeah, because you'd get a yeast infection.
Right.