The American Family Association's 10 Most Absurd Outrages

Gay people are as bad as... secondhand smoke?

by Daniel Addice

Mix-It-Up Day is a nationwide tolerance activity that basically entails sitting with different kids at lunch to promote anti-bullying and friendship. However, the American Family Association, and its "issues director" Brian Fischer (pictured above) sees Mix-It-Up Day as "another thinly veiled attempt to promote the homosexual agenda." Right. Anyway, this is hardly the first time the AFA has taken the homosexual agenda to task on behalf of the Everyman. Let's take a closer look at their espoused "family values." Here are ten of their most visible acts of vigilance against the terrors of homosexuality.

 

1. Calling for the arrest of Arizona Representative Jim Kolbe on the basis of anti-sodomy laws.

Jim Kolbe was an openly gay Republican elected to the House of Representatives in Arizona. In 2000, the AFA called for him to be banned from speaking at the Republican National Convention, demanding that Kolbe be immediately sent back to Arizona and arrested on the basis of anti-sodomy laws in Arizona. They disseminated the following letter, written by their "good friend and ally" Phil Burress and addressed to RNC Chairman Jim Nicholson.

Quoted: "Mr. Kolbe as a self described homosexual means nothing except to say he engages in sodomy. Did you know that in Arizona, sodomy is against the law? Mr. Kolbe should be arrested when he returns to his home state for violating state law. Would you agree that all lawmakers should insist that all laws be enforced?"
 

2. Equating homosexuality with secondhand smoke.

In 2001, Gary Glenn, Michigan State Director of the AFA, cited numerous studies linking higher cancer rates and lowered life expectancies in gay men and women in a truly heroic effort to link homosexuality with secondhand smoke. Now, they're not suggesting that homosexuality is actually as much of a direct risk to public health as carcinogenic smoke — oh wait, never mind. They're doing exactly that. Our bad.

Quoted: "As with smoking, homosexual behavior's ‘second hand' effects threaten public health… Thus, individuals who choose to engage in homosexual behavior threaten not only their own lives, but the lives of the general population."
 

3. Suggesting an "underground railroad" be used to liberate children from same-sex households.

In August of 2012, Fischer tweeted what was essentially a comparison of gay parents to slaveholders, drastically cheapening one of the most heroic acts ever undertaken in U.S. history. Not that much of a stretch, actually; aren't all teenagers, regardless of their parents' sexual orientation, like, totally slaves to their parents, 'cause like, no one, "gets them," man? When someone tweeted back that this amounted to kidnapping, which is illegal, Fischer replied, "So was the Underground Railroad." Touche. 

Quoted: "We need an Underground Railroad to deliver innocent children from same-sex households."

 

4. Raising awareness of gay soldiers checking out straight ones in military showers.

In response to President Obama's initiative to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the AFA released an Action Alert on their website warning the world of the various dangers that could ensue if openly homosexual men and women served in the military. This particular bullet point proved the AFA understood the concerns of soldiers' parents everywhere: how can your child watch out for IEDs if someone's looking at his butt?

Quoted: "If President Obama, Congressional Democrats, and homosexual activists get their wish, your son or daughter may be forced to share military showers and barracks with active and open homosexuals who may very well view them with sexual interest."

 

5. Defending Yunel Escobar's right to play baseball with homophobic slurs written on his face.

When the MLB reprimanded Toronto Blue Jays shortstop Yunel Escobar for showing up to a game with "Tu Ere Maricon" ("You are a faggot") painted in his glare-reducing eye black, AFA member Buster Wilson expressed his concern over Escobar's suspension. Wilson noted that, "the name callers in this country, though they have the right to do so, will never be considered a serious part of the discussion because they are name callers," then went on to decry "Big Gay" and "the gay gestapo." No irony here!

Quoted: "This ball player has every right to speak in this way without the fear of losing job or income simply because [gay-rights organization Truth Wins Out] and Big Gay are offended."