Five Movies We Fear Tim Burton Will Make
Starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter
By The Hooksexup Editors
Tim Burton: one of the freshest, most exciting directors out there... in 1992. While many are salivating at the upcoming Alice in Wonderland, others note that his directing style has gotten repetitive and, sadly, dull in its whimsical goth aesthetic. With that in mind, we here at Hooksexup decided to show you what could happen if Burton got his hands on five other stories to adapt.
1. Gingerbread Man
Set in dark, moody underworld of British bakeries in Victorian England, this tale of suspense, shadows, and butter-cream frosting follows a baker's apprentice (Johnny Depp) as he races against time to stop his beloved fiancee (Helena Bonham Carter) from succumbing to the charms of his evil accidental creation, the Gingerbread Man. With music by Danny Elfman.
2. Macbeth
Set in the dark, moody underworld of Scotland, this gothic adaptation of Shakespeare's tragedy pulses with darkness and frightful whimsy. Johnny Depp stars as the power-hungry protagonist, with supporting performances by Helena Bonham Carter as the witches, Winona Ryder as Lady Macbeth, and, in his daring sophomore performance, a clay model of a Gingerbread Man as Banquo.
3. I Dream of Jeannie
Set in the dark, shag-carpeted underworld of 1960s suburban housing divisions, Burton's film reinvigorates a television classic. When astronaut Tony Nelson (Michael Keaton) crash-lands and discovers the 2000-year-old supernatural bombshell (Johnny Depp), his life is turned upside-down as the two take a whimsical, dream-like voyage through her phantasmagoric world. Can they win her freedom from the dangerous and frightening Genie Master (Alec Baldwin)? Featuring Helena Bonham Carter as astronaut Roger Healey.
4. Supreme: The Ruth Bader Ginsburg Story
Set in the dark, sleep-deprived world of American constitutional law, Tim Burton's touching and fantastical biopic of the second female Supreme Court Justice... well, frankly, takes some liberties. Suffering from bouts of insomnia as she prepares to ascend to the highest court in the land, Ginsburg (Johnny Depp) must fight her way through a waking dream world in the U.S. Supreme Court Building. Can she banish the ghost of Warren Burger before the sun rises on her first day on the bench?
5. The Audacity of Hope
Set in the dark, audacity-filled world of the 2008 presidential election, this thrilling adaptation stars Helena Bonham Carter as Barack Obama. Following the critical savaging of Supreme, Burton dials it back a notch with a relatively true-to-life take on the struggles and triumphs of the first African-American man ever elected President of the U.S., as interpreted by a white British woman. With Johnny Depp as Sen. John McCain, Anne Hathaway as Michelle Obama, Winona Ryder as Sen. Hillary Clinton, Geena Davis as Gov. Sarah Palin, Alec Baldwin as Sen. Joe Biden, Michael Keaton as George W. Bush, and Danny Elfman as Oprah.
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Commentarium (25 Comments)
Ginger-bread man with Macbeth Sparknotes. HBC as all 3 witches. Love it.
I think if Burton actually made "Supreme" it would redeem him and show that he has a proper sense of humor about himself. BTW, his best movie is Edward Scissorhands followed very closely, closer than you think, by Beetlejuice.
The photoshop for Audacity of Hope is somewhat disturbing.
This is very funny.
I really wouldn't be surprised if the Gingerbread one actually gets made...o dear
You left out the remake of the Laurel and Hardy version of March of the Wooden Soldiers.
Nice read. "Supreme" is brilliantly funny (maybe a little over Mick's head)
This is so hilarious. I adore quite a few Tim Burton movies but it's so true. I would so watch The Gingerbreadman.
"Set in the dark, moody underworld..."
Oh my god!! I neeeeed to see "Gingerbread Man!!!" He neeeeds to do it!!! ahhhhh!!!
p.s. tim urton is my life
Alec Baldwin should be Hillary Clinton.
fantastic. Although, I think one movie he really should make is James Joyce's Ulysses. Nobody's made it! I think Burton is the only person who could.
I think dwn-g is either Tim Burton or Johnny Depp. If so, hi guys! You both stink! Go the fuck away!
I love Gothic stuff, but I really hate what Burton continually rehashes as Gothic. I wish he'd retired from film making right after Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
I am just curious(er and curiouser) as to what the point is in continuously adapting a text. I love Lewis Carrol's story, but there is a lot of Alice stuff out there already. I have not seen the movie yet. Does redoing something frequently make it better? Who is his audience here? Carrol wrote his stories for a real young girl named Alice. Another problem is that movies often take over the literary text, because the images are so intense...think of the Harry Potter series. Anyway, I am interested to see how this movies turns out, but I must say I was a little disappointed when I heard of its release. And I love Tim Burton! Have you seen some of his paintings? For example, Blue Girl with Wine? It can't be denied that he has talent but sometimes I wish it was hot-paws off.
"All literature is recursive," they say - no story is created in a vacuum. I really think that adapting and recreating stories is a huge honor to them. It means they mean enough to stick around. As for the Potter series, yes, the flicks are a let down to fans of the books, but think of the huge audience they're able to reach. Some people just aren't into reading. Or can't read.
That said, the Burton/Depp madness needs to stop. Bad, bad, bad as Hatter, and just embarrassing as Wonka.
@Dylan - I think Burton would be great on The Wizard of Oz, if only he followed the original text. So much creepier. His writing career has peaked, but he still has ambition for it, which is why he's just been adapting other people's shit. Someone else would have to do the screenplay.
I could totally see Burton doing The Scottish Play. And HBC and Johnny as the leads. But they really do need to be independent for a while...
LOL@ Tea for Two...did you mean "Mea culpa"? which btw is Latin
angienator - Tea for Two stated s/he knows Latin and mea culpa is known by many who don't. I believe TFT is riffing in Spanglish on "J'Accuse," a famous letter authored by French writer Emile Zola in the Dreyfus Affair. I do believe your shortsighted condescension to TFT warrants a "mea culpa" on your part.
I have always seen Burton trying to remake the wizard of oz, and failing miserably, it just seems Burton-esque
Tim Burton in interviews has always come off to me as a Woody Allen, without the intellect.
Burton is a fucking hack.
LMFAO
I love how you stuck with the recurring theme of Johnny Depp/Helena Bonham Carter as the starring roles. Seems like everything Burton makes nowadays has those to in it. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Johnny Depp, its Carter that I can't much stand. He needs to get a new pairing, or God forbid, try something new. I'd love to see what he can do with something truly original.
honestly, i hate johnny depp. i respect his acting though, and would watch all of these. except i dream of jeanie. that would scare the shit out of me.
I am wondering why Carter and Depp are almost always together in the movies ....
Personally I love TIm Burton and all his movies. But somtimes I wonder if there's something going on between Helena, him (Well they're married) and Johnny.
I for one would LOVE to watch Tim Burton's version of Macbeth!
Sweeney Todd,
You would like the movie: repulsion if you love tim burton. see it.