$1.5 million of condoms go missing en route from Malaysia to Japan

Please let this be the work of pirates, please let this be the work of pirates, please... oh, erm, sorry about that — lost in my own imagination for a moment. Authorities in Japan and Malysia are investigating the disappearance of approximately 700,000 ultrathin condoms — about $1.5 million worth — from a freighter meant to take the goods to Tokyo. The condoms had been loaded and locked into a container at the Malaysian factory of Sagami Rubber Industries, but were gone when the container (with new locks) was opened in Japan.

Some people sound very sure they will be able to find out where the condoms went:

"There are locks, seals, and checklists provided by freight forwarders and shipping lines for every part of the journey from factory to destination so it is very easy to find out where and when they were tampered with or changed," said Air Freight Forwarders Association of Malaysia head Walter Cullas.

But such disappearances are not rare in Malaysia, and given that it was most likely an inside job, it sounds like Japan might be a bit low on the prophylactics for a bit.

(But seriously, wouldn't you watch a movie called Pirates' Booty: The Quest to Conquer Syphilis or Ahoy, Mating? Because I would watch the shit out of those.)