You'll never guess how Fox News covered Obama's birthday

Unless you thought, "with out-of-left-field accusations and unfortunate racial coding that should be really, really embarrassing for whoever was involved." Because if you thought that, you are very correct. The article itself — which was culled from a larger account of the President's birthday celebration on Politico — is pretty much a quick rundown of the schedule, menu, and guest list of the early evening celebration for Obama's fiftieth birthday. Naturally, such an event calls for this:

Ha. Haha! Hahahaha... Heh. Whew. Oh boy. First of all, I know you're wondering what made this a "hip-hop BBQ." Was it because Jay-Z performed? No! Was it because any other hip-hop artists performed? Also no! Was it because there were quite a few black people in attendance and Fox News knows that saying "hip-hop" anything inflames their audience? Well, yes, it was probably that one. But the site would probably claim it's because the DJ on hand played a mix of "Motown, hip hop, and ’70s and ’80s R&B." So it was about as hip-hop as my middle-school friend David Cohen's bar mitzvah.

(For the record, Stevie Wonder, Ledisi, and Herbie Hancock performed. And Obama even invited some white people, like Tom Hanks and Rep. Nancy Pelosi!)

And while it truly pains me to even have to address this: this BBQ probably did not, uh, "create jobs." (Though maybe it did! A big menu generally calls for a decent amount of cater waiters.) Because it's a birthday party and not, um... a government program or a piece of legislation or anything that has to do with economic recovery and ow, my brain is bleeding. This BBQ also did not cure cancer. So you heard it hear first, everyone: Obama doesn't care if you die from cancer.