Mr. "You Leakin' It, You Sleep In It" Mr. Sleep-In-It was actually the most reasonable of the men as far as the sex part was concerned. There were no cartoon-laden towels, acrobatics or Oedipus complexes involved. As long as we were doing it, he didn't care who left what behind where. It was only in our post-coital state that he would grow noticeably malicious. It didn't matter whose side of the bed the wet spot was on, he made it exceedingly clear that anything that came out of me was my mess and I would sleep in it. Like a dog, I learned not to crap where I eat, so to speak. Thus, we had lots of sex in lots of places, none of which were our respective beds. In the end, this guy was too territorial to date for any extended period of time. Not everything in a relationship, down to the wet spots on a sheet, has to be classified as "yours" and "mine." Mr. MC Hammer (a.k.a., "You Can't Touch This") While I thought past partners were picky, Mr. Hammer (who was in his forties) took things to a whole new level. With the Hammer, any genitalia-to-sheet contact was strictly forbidden. As soon as it happened once, he never let it happen again. After my first (and only) "bedwetting" incident with him, Hammer devised an arsenal of positions (complete with illustrations for my edification) to keep my crotch — and any potential of it staining his sheets — at bay. Doggy-style, girl-on-top, reverse cowgirl, pile-driver, him standing while I lie on my back with my rump hanging off the side of the bed... it didn't matter what we did as long as I did not commit the one cardinal sin and let my wet nether-regions so much as graze his beloved bedding. While I appreciated his ingenuity, I never understood what made this man so fanatical about his sheets; they were only 200-threadcount and not even that cute. I later learned what the issue was. The sheets belonged to someone else: his live-in girlfriend. After having dealt with this situation for years now, this is the advice I can offer to other females who have an issue with getting a little more slippery when wet. First, always utilize the Jedi mind trick. If you don't act as if your excessive lube job is a problem, your partner might not see it as a problem either. Second, never bring up the situation out of context. In the heat of the moment, I have found, most guys (and girls) will see it as a turn-on. Saying something about how wet he is getting you, how really, really, really wet he's getting you, excites him — even motivates him to perform better.
And for you little Dutch boys at the dam, there are things you can do to deal with the leaky ladies in your life. First, take into account that in the wide world of sexual oddities, this is relatively harmless. Take it as a gift that you're with a girl you can make come, and do not make her feel like some sort of offensive mutant or like she's done something wrong. (Unless she's into that, in which case call her a bad girl and spank away!) If you can't get past a wet spot on your sheets, view it as an opportunity to try new things — new positions, sex in different places, etc. Ingenuity and creativity can bring a wealth of enjoyment, and being with a girl who makes it rain on you can actually be even more fun. Après le déluge, moi: after years of hits and misses in my own personal dunk-tank, I'm fortunate enough to be married to a guy who couldn't care less that I'm the wet-spot-leaver in the relationship. And though it's taken me many years and a variety of partners, I've finally learned that it's nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. I'm a grown woman, I get wet like a grown woman, and I have sex like a grown woman. That's that. Thus, I urge you, Wet Girls of America, stand tall! Lift your noble chins! Find someone worthy of your sweetness and get rid of those partners who are too immature to handle you. Let them sleep with someone with a similar junior-high mentality — that's where all the dry humping goes on anyway. n°
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