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Dating Advice From . . . Prop 8 Protesters

Meghan Pleticha• Jan. 9, 2009

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Oscar, 21

What has being a gay-rights activist taught you about dating?

That some people are just not into you, and you have to deal with that.

How would revoking Prop 8 improve dating?

I’m not sure it would. But maybe, just maybe — if everyone was allowed to marry whom they wanted, gay people would at least try to be more romantic.
If they can get married, they might have more reason to be romantic. If someone has the prospect of marriage on their mind, they might be more likely to go down that track. If they don’t have that option, what’s the point?

What makes protests good dates?

You learn a lot about someone when you people-watch with them, and protests are a great place to do that. Plus, there are a lot of funny moments you can share, especially when you in a crowd of mostly gay men. First of all, the entire protest looks like a fucking H&M ad — everyone is dressed so crisp and clean, and then we’re doing this march on

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Third Street and I was really worried we were gonna lose the entire march when we passed the Abercrombie store. The best was passing some Yes on 8 protesters — and this one guy with a lisp was like, "You know what, just go fuck yourself!" They’re just great moments to share with someone special.

How do you tell someone they need to trim their pubes?

For guys with long pubes, just say something to the effect of, "I heard that trimming your pubes makes your dick look bigger." You’ll see how fast they’ll start man-scaping.

My girlfriend likes to playfully choke me, and I’m scared it will go to far. How should I bring it up? Or should I?

Why are people so afraid to say what they actually mean? A good, "Don’t choke me, bitch!" would suffice. Some things are an issue that you need to sit down about. This is not one of them.

My boyfriend is obsessed with trying new positions in bed to the point where sex really isn’t enjoyable. How can I get him to understand that the crazy positions are neither comfortable nor pleasurable? I just want to have regular sex again.

Scream louder during missionary, and let him know that this Kama Sutra shit is not cutting it. If you’re comfortable enough to try the reverse triple-X bullshit — not that I have anything against people who do that — but if you’re comfortable enough to try it, you’re definitely comfortable enough to have a conversation. I’m not going to bend over a fucking couch for a half an hour.

I’m always too shy to reveal my emotions to a guy, and then they think I’m not interested. What can I do?

Flirting never hurts. You can flirt without revealing too much of yourself, and still remain interested. When I’m at work, I flirt all the time. Just making jokes, like, this girl checked out a library book, and I was like, "That will be fifty dollars." And she was like, "What?!" And I said, "I’m just kidding," and you know what? She walked out of the library with a smile on her face. Say something unexpected and say just kidding, that always works.

I want to smoke after sex, and I don’t want the guy to judge me. What should I do?

My first instinct is to say, "Don’t smoke." But maybe you could walk towards your window and smoke there while the guy lies in bed recovering. I’m sure he won’t mind the view he’s getting.

Jon, 21

Why are Prop 8 protesters better in bed?

They’re passionate for all the right reasons.

How do you seduce a Prop 8 protester?

Use a protest chant, then open up to them about your story of being harassed by anti-gay activists. Then sympathetic cuddling may lead to more…

What has being a gay-rights activist taught you about dating?

Being politically active is definitely sexy, and can lead you to a new network of like-minded people for friendship and more.

What makes protests good dates?

It brings the passion and those positive emotions from people, not to mention plenty of opportunities to cheer, hug and kiss.

I’m always too shy to reveal my emotions to a guy, and then they think I’m not interested. What can I do?

I would do something out of the box. Nothing verbal or face-to-face. Send a cutesy note like in high school: "Do you like me? Check yes or no." If there’s something you have in common, you can hint that you like the person through a different kind of medium. Like with the guy I like right now, we have a song that both of us really like, and if I’m kind of hinting, I’ll say I’m listening to whatever song it is. Or, I found something interesting about whatever movie you like. If you want to be less direct, find excuses to talk to the person.

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Kulsum, 22

How do you seduce a Prop 8 protester?

Say, "Wait a minute, you also voted No on Prop 8? Wow, this must be fate."

What makes protests good dates?

Nothing makes people connect like a common enemy.

How can you tell the difference between a rough patch and a reason to break up?

In a rough patch, you still like them, you’d just like them better if they would stop doing that annoying thing they always do. When you really just can’t stand them, then it’s time to break up.

My boyfriend is obsessed with trying new positions in bed to the point where sex really isn’t enjoyable. How can I get him to understand that the crazy positions are neither comfortable nor pleasurable? I just want to have regular sex again.

Anytime he wants to do a crazy position, make it as uncomfortable for him as possible, act bored and don’t show any enjoyment. If he asks you if you liked it, just shrug and say it’s been better. Then, one time say you’re not in the mood for a crazy position and can you just try it regular, and act like you’re having the time of your life, whether you are or not, and afterwards tell him how awesome he was. After a while he’ll start to feel inadequate when he’s not pleasing you, and he’ll want to do regular just as much as you will. Unless he’s an insensitive asshole. Then you should dump him.

My boyfriend says he won’t be happy until he’s made me come during sex. I have never in my life had a vaginal orgasm, and his preoccupation is a real turn-off. Is there any thing I can say or do to get him to back off?

Tell him the closest you came to orgasming was when you least expected it, and it was just because the guy was so into it he was hardly aware of what was going on with you. So if he really wants you to have an orgasm, he’ll just enjoy sex for himself, and one of these days it’ll pay off. Even if it’s not true, at least he’ll stop worrying about you.

I’ve been sleeping with this girl for a couple weeks. I thought we were just screwing around, but the other day she started yelling at me for not calling her, and she’s started to ask more and more when we’re going to hang out. How do I get her to chill out again?

Have you ever dated a girl before? News flash: We do this. If you don’t like this girl, break it off now. Otherwise you’re gonna have to start making a little more effort. You should be happy she was okay with just screwing around for as long as she was.

Mike, 24

Why are Prop 8 protesters better in bed?

We know how to yell.

How would revoking Prop 8 improve dating?

There’s all this dating when you’re gay, and there’s no end to the cycle. You’re just always dating. If Prop 8 is revoked, maybe I’ll meet someone to settle down with.

My boyfriend is obsessed with trying new positions in bed to the point where sex really isn’t enjoyable. How can I get him to understand that the crazy positions are neither comfortable nor pleasurable? I just want to have regular sex again.

Find a normal position that he really likes, and just do it really well so he won’t want anything else. If it’s really bad and you’ve already had a talk with him and he’s still not understanding, that’s a reason to break up.

I’m always too shy to reveal my emotions to a guy, and then they think I’m not interested. What can I do?

You can take public-speaking classes and learn how to express yourself. Just talk more. Go to rallies where you’re yelling things that you want. Like, "I want love. I want a date." It’s really easy to ask for things that you want. You should be able to ask for things that you want, particularly in bed or in a relationship.

I want to smoke after sex, and I don’t want the guy to judge me. What should I do?

Date a guy who smokes. If he doesn’t smoke. . . hmmm, after sex, put on a nicotine patch. Have him put it on. Be like, "Mmm, baby, put this patch on my cooter."

Can you put patches on cooters?

It just might be the new sensation.

Interviews by Meghan Pleticha. Dating
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