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    What Light Falls on Yonder Inbox by Rufus Griscom       


    The press, in its boundless enthusiasm for all things sexual and Internet-related, tends to depict the intersection of the two as a cesspool of pornographic bodies undulating under the Web's shimmering corporate surface. Squadrons of pedophiles roam this darksome nether world, along with cavalries of horse fetishists, infantries of foot-fixaters and sundry other colorful pud-pullers.

         
    Descriptions of the future of sex and the Internet tend to feature this same cast of characters — and sometimes ourselves — wired for super-sentience, every last goosebump crocodile-clamped to some electro-stimulator-thingy. We'll be in a Where's Waldo of cyber-bodies, sandwiched between Elizabeth Hurley, James Dean and Betty Boop, all crescendoing with the wand-synchronized precision of the New York Philharmonic.

         
    Perhaps. Some day. But in the meantime, a realistic look at the way the Internet has affected most people's experience of sex pulls up a much different, lower resolution picture. In these early days of the Web, photographs are relatively blurry and pornographic video resembles flickering, barely discernable "figure studies" popular at Nickelodeons a century ago. Compared with the magazines and video that preceded the Internet, online porn seems almost quaintly suggestive.

         
    In this low bandwidth environment, the single most culturally transformative use of the medium has been e-mail, and this remains equally true in the sexual arena. No online feature has affected more sex lives more profoundly than the electronic resuscitation of
    the billet-doux: the love letter. Sure, tens of thousands of amateur porn sites have proliferated in recent years, but hundreds of millions of e-mails are exchanged every day, and how many of them contain a little eyelid-fluttering? Lust letters may be a better description of much of what circulates, more reminiscent of scrunched up pieces of paper arching across high school study halls than the rapturous missives of Abelard and Heloise. But it makes for charming interlocution all the same.

         
    The e-mail is in many ways the perfect form of communication for lovers: it offers the contemplative languor of the letter with the impulsive fluster of the phone call. Its mongrel cousin, online chat, has none of the measured gravitas of the epistolary tradition — it has the light, choppy cadence of conversational volleyball — and yet it shares with e-mail the seductive power of simultaneous mental presence and physical absence. It's odd to consider that these space-age technologies have pushed us towards more restrained forms of communication, with all their attendant finesse, legerdemain and romance.

         
    Of course more bandwidth is coming, and this will mean more moving pictures. The first words uttered over a telephone line were, "Watson, come here"; I fear the first uttered over a high-resolution Internet tele-video connection will be, "Watson, slowly remove your shirt." Tele-video systems exist today, of course, but they are either extremely low quality or prohibitively expensive (and inconveniently located in the conference rooms of large media companies). This will change, and so the communicative austerity of the e-mail will gradually become a choice rather than a prevailing convention.

         
    Perhaps in the same sense tele-video will remain a choice as well; those who fear its intrusion will have the option of smacking the off button and saying, "I can't get this darned thing to work." If scent/pheromone projectors are added to the layers of online communication, they are likely to have even more "technical problems." Each additional layer of communication we choose to employ will enhance our ability to make assessments about one another: e-mail reveals thoughts; voice adds mood and personality; video exposes dress, facial symmetry, posture, eye contact and fidgeting; smell betrays nervousness, grooming and some scientists believe the genetic compatibility of immune systems. We will adjust our digital Venetian blinds to select the preferred quantity of exposure. The greater the data flow, of course, the greater the potential for trouble (in the good sense of the word). The Internet has already produced more complicated definitions of intimacy and infidelity; the shades of gray will continue to multiply.

         
    So too will the number of prospective partners in crime. Matchmaking services, like Hooksexup Personals, already make it possible to search among hundreds of thousands of people around the world for someone who shares your obsessions with Scorsese, chicken masala and "I'd Rather Be Spanking" bumper stickers. One hundred years from now the idea of selecting a husband or wife without using online filtering systems (expecting to bump into them in your youthful wanderings) will seem like looking for a book in a library without using the card catalog system (or perhaps like using a library at all when you can order a book with a few key strokes). These relatively simple telecommunication enhancements will have more of an impact on our experience of sex — more dramatic in the long run and more competent in the short run — than all the Virtual Reality body suits depicted in our collective sexual fantasies.

         
    Of course the porn market will also develop and grow with additional bandwidth, but porn is finally a placeholder, a caricatured cardboard cutout of the person (or set of triplets) we hope to meet. It seems that what we all really want is access to each other. And more than any other, this simplest human need will drive the Internet's future.


    Rufus Griscom



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    Commentarium (7 Comments)

    Aug 01 00 - 4:42pm
    rm

    A marvelous article, and very perceptive. Having participated in the online world of romance, I agree wholeheartedly with your observations. The future of romance may well lie in the electronic domain. Interestingly, my current lover and I, although we met through non-electronic means, did spend the first year of our relationship corresponding by email. I now have, carefully preserved in a folder in my email program, an extraordinary collection of the 150 emails we exchanged before we started living together. I'm now faced with the difficult question of what to do with them. In less technological times, love letters would be carefully collected in an old shoe-box and lovingly tied up with a piece of ribbon. I'm not particularly optimistic that Micrsoft Outlook Express will still be around in 50 years when I go searching for our precious romantic literary legacy. I've considered dumping them to CD-ROM (perhaps with a nice printed label); I've considered getting somebody to write them to DVD-ROM for me. Interestingly, I'm not even sure that printing them out will do it. I know I've seen 10 year-old printouts where the binder has decayed to the point that letters fall off the paper if you shake too hard. Hmmmm. Technology can be very inconvenient sometimes.

    Aug 02 00 - 9:57pm
    kh

    Hello

    Just thought I'd send you a note on your latest editorial
    comment. As always articulate and witty. Couldnt agree with you more.

    Thank-you

    Aug 03 00 - 10:10am
    ras

    great story you are right!!! i just found this sight saw your story on the t.v. i have my own web-site its called ghost-hunter.com. check it out maybe you guys can do a nude ghosthunt or something.

    Aug 04 00 - 7:36pm
    jdt

    I think that the comments made are correct. However, the whole point of existence is not merely to be successful, rich, or well known. The true joy in life comes from the people you meet, and what you learn from them. All of us as children want to grow up to have nice cars, large homes, and big paychecks. But as I have grown older, I have come to the conclusion that the things I have acquired and learned (including my computer) will not be the things I remember when I am old and gray, talking to my grand-kids. It will be my interactions with people. No amount of technology can replace the need for real human contact. I probably will not remember many of the things I have learned from the internet, but I will remember kids I went to school with, skipping class to go to the lake, college parties, staying out late at a club, and hanging out at the coffee shop watching a new band. I don't think computers or the internet will ever be able to completely eradicate the need to be around people. Let's face it, sometimes you just want to be with someone, face to face, skin to skin. Even with the advancements made every day, nothing will ever be able to replace just getting out and doing it.

    Aug 06 00 - 2:12pm
    rkg

    I think, though, that the popular dichotomy between being online and being with people is misleading ... the point of this article was that the internet is being driven by peoples desire to communicate with each other. There are obvious disadvantages to interacting online (no touch, fewer levels of communication), but in some ways e-mail and chat can be more candid and cerebral than face to face interaction ... Rufus

    Aug 20 00 - 1:15am
    an

    The anonymity of online communication makes things simultaneously more candid and more fake & removed. You meet the neurotic or silly or stupid wordplay, most of the time, and leaving an average American to the task of communicating with words is not something I want to do. I've been to college. But then, people still go to chatrooms and pretend the umpteenth accidental double entendre is the funniest thing...yuck. In a country of cowards and voyeurs, the Net works fabulously for romance. Hey, if you never knew better and you're a wretched person to talk to in person, go for it and use some filter to find a warm body with equal levels of desperation for commitment. I am optimistic about many things, but not internet relationships as a medium. Long-distance relationships as it is have the foulest reputation, but here we are acting cute about technology as if everyone should have LDRs just for modernity. I can see that as an intellectual it is really unhip to categorically condemn the hottest new thing, like the Net, but I'm gonna say it: Feh. Disclaimer: I'm not a Luddite -- random Americans, organized by hobby (YUCK), trying to write eloquently; NO THANKS!

    Oct 07 00 - 11:40am
    EL

    My lover and I reconnected through classmates.com and corresponded by email for several weeks before actually speaking on the phone, then later meeting face to face. A kiss in the parking lot, then fireworks. The original intent of the emails was nothing more than a "hi, what are you up to?" Emails release all kinds of emotions. So what to do with these exchanges, asks an earlier post? We each have a set of our printed emails, handsomely bound by Kinko's, and quite hidden from our respective spouses.

     


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